A not so happy relationship

tawecdl

2 sides to every story. I get a feeling that you are looking for a little security by posting here and everyone telling you haw great you are and how bad he is. Sure, we can all take your side of the story as gospel but i'm sure there's more to it.

Maybe he has insecurities that make him have low self-esteem. Being in debt is not nice and if you are showing signs of "speaking to an old flame" it will knock him for six!

A relationship will never work if you don't feel that you are loved and respected. and that goes for both sides.

In my opinion this appears to have gone too far to salvage a relationship without having the demons of the recent months cropping up. I do think you are showing signs of stubbornness and anger. I think you need to address your issues and be confident to realise that you only need yourself to make yourself happy, and don't rely on others to make you happy.

tawecdl

as for the violence, again, this is unacceptable for both sides. And I do wonder what OH's side of story would be.

Uniscots97

Staciep88 wrote: »

No it doesnt mean that but it does mean that I will have one hell of a big smile on my face when I do leave. He will have alot of money of pay off his debt as of mid Nov (when we move to his parents) and I could just pay loads off and then when its clear go. I know he's horrible, but I do not think he would be a stupid as to abuse me whilst at his parents - he wouldnt want them to know the real him (there darlin little boy) It may seem a silly thing to do, but I really would rather leave him with a completly clean slate.

Oh and I would also be taking, the telly i bought, the ps3 i bought, the table i bought, oh and sofas that I bought. Oh yeah....and the bed! haha

I know why your all saying leave tonight and I can understand but Im not ready to leave whilst I owe £1500 of his debt. Call me silly, but thats how im feeling right now

We're definitely not calling you silly. Can you do me one favour please, call your parents and tell them whats going on. Yes, you have a right to keep what you bought. Let you parents support you in this and please don't think your OH won't abuse you whilst staying at his parents, he will (I speak from bitter experience on this one). He will most likely wait until they are out of the room or asleep and eat away at your confidence, it happened to me and it took me years to shake it off.

Staciep88

Thank you that is so incouraging - Im going to start my list now! thank u x

Staciep88

tawecdl wrote: »

2 sides to every story. I get a feeling that you are looking for a little security by posting here and everyone telling you haw great you are and how bad he is. Sure, we can all take your side of the story as gospel but i'm sure there's more to it.

Maybe he has insecurities that make him have low self-esteem. Being in debt is not nice and if you are showing signs of "speaking to an old flame" it will knock him for six!

A relationship will never work if you don't feel that you are loved and respected. and that goes for both sides.

In my opinion this appears to have gone too far to salvage a relationship without having the demons of the recent months cropping up. I do think you are showing signs of stubbornness and anger. I think you need to address your issues and be confident to realise that you only need yourself to make yourself happy, and don't rely on others to make you happy.

I dont really understand what you think? Yes the story has 2 sides - thats why I have said that he hates it when I shout at him I openly admitted that I shout instead of talking calmly. I am not showing signs of speaking to an old flame either. Sorry but I found that comment quite nasty and I feel that all the encouragement I have just got doesnt count as you have just said there are 2 sides and i now feel back at blame. Yeah I am being stubborn - i dont wanna pay his debts

xxlaurissaxx

Staciep88 wrote: »

OH is 26 and I am soon to be 20 x

Are you serious? Your the same age as me and i would never let anyone touch me! Leave him and go and get p*****d with your pals. They are there for you no matter what happens, thats what they are for. Your still young and go plenty of life left. One thing my mum told me was that you only live once so make the most of it.
Its something i go by and you should too. Do you really want to wait 30 years of being battered to then realise you should have just ended it.
He sounds a total t**t, you will meet someone much nicer that will treat you better.

It will be hard at first but soon you wont remember he exsisted and you'll be out having a great life, plus the party season is starting so go out with mates and forget about him! I just laugh at the fact that i put up with a guy who was so possessive and i didnt notice but everyone else did and i wouldn't listen, but now i wish it ended sooner.

Phone your parents tell them your leaving him and moving back in and take your stuff round, phone your friends tell them and say you need cheering up so to go to your parents with wine (If thats where your moving back too) and leave him a note saying its over and why and you'll talk about it later but you aren't ready to talk just now.


Good luck xx

Uniscots97

xxlaurissaxx wrote: »

Are you serious? Your the same age as me and i would never let anyone touch me! Leave him and go and get p*****d with your pals. They are there for you no matter what happens, thats what they are for. Your still young and go plenty of life left. One thing my mum told me was that you only live once so make the most of it.
Its something i go by and you should too. Do you really want to wait 30 years of being battered to then realise you should have just ended it.
He sounds a total t**t, you will meet someone much nicer that will treat you better.

It will be hard at first but soon you wont remember he exsisted and you'll be out having a great life, plus the party season is starting so go out with mates and forget about him! I just laugh at the fact that i put up with a guy who was so possessive and i didnt notice but everyone else did and i wouldn't listen, but now i wish it ended sooner.

Phone your parents tell them your leaving him and moving back in and take your stuff round, phone your friends tell them and say you need cheering up so to go to your parents with wine (If thats where your moving back too) and leave him a note saying its over and why and you'll talk about it later but you aren't ready to talk just now.


Good luck xx

I have to agree with this. Call you parents tell them whats going on. As its your parents second home (did I pick that up right?) get your Dad to change the locks and leave his stuff packed (don't sink to his level) outside with a note on the door.

tawecdl

Staciep88 wrote: »

I dont really understand what you think? Yes the story has 2 sides - thats why I have said that he hates it when I shout at him I openly admitted that I shout instead of talking calmly. I am not showing signs of speaking to an old flame either. Sorry but I found that comment quite nasty and I feel that all the encouragement I have just got doesnt count as you have just said there are 2 sides and i now feel back at blame. Yeah I am being stubborn - i dont wanna pay his debts

There is no excuse for him hitting you. I hate that behaviour and think you should both leave for that reason. If my missis hit me i'd be long gone and she knows that!

I'm not sure what you interpretted as being nasty but I'm sure if your OH read what you have put he would elaborate on it further. There are 2 people in this relationship and it seems like neither are happy. I feel sorry for your OH as he has not had his say and above posters are belittling him. I also feel for you as this behaviour must be hard to deal with and right now it must feel like you are in a lose lose situation. But you are not.

Just remember, getting out of this relationship should create 2 happy people. Not just 1.

grey_lady

"I know why your all saying leave tonight and I can understand but Im not ready to leave whilst I owe £1500 of his debt. Call me silly, but thats how im feeling right now"

It is silly - how much is £1500 really worth to you? is it worth your self-esteem being ever more erroded? is it worth violence against you, a punch, a slap, how much for a broken bone? is it worth being made to feel fat and worthless every day? is it worth months of your life where you could be out having fun with your mates? I dont think that £1500 isnt worth putting up with any of the above.

The longer you stay the more he wins and that aint worth £1500.

Please try and take a step back and have a good hard think about what is really in your best interests.

Staciep88

Thank you for explaining that. x