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A not so happy relationship
Staciep88
Posts: 590 Forumite
Hi,
I really need to talk to some1, most of you will know me from various posts..well its all took a turn for the worst now. Sorry if this turns out long:
Me and OH have been together 2.5years, living together for 2 years. When I met him, he was in debt (see sig) so I started to help him out by making sure the payments were made to the cards/loan so that he didnt occur any futhur charges. Now here's the first bit that I mucked up on - I took out 2 cards in my name for him to transfer some of the balance to (Mint and Virgin - again, see sig) I done this as they were 0% on balance transfers and he couldnt get the cards himself. Now please don't tell me how stupid I am, becoz there is no1 that knows that more than me, I just need advice...
We have always had quite a rocky relationship, had our ups and downs but everything normally sorts itself out in the end. Until now that is. My OH has become so possessive over me - to the point that he checks my phone all the time and even gets funny about me seeing my family. He says nasty things about my family also. He has made me feel so small - you wouldnt beleive.
For example: this morning: everything was fine whilst in bed, we were just about to get up and he wouldnt let me go and i was getting angry because we were going to be late for work. Anyway - I got up and went to the toilet and he followed me and I told him to go away and he hit me in the leg, so I pushed his head out the way and he went mental - he punched me 3 or 4 times in my legs. It wasnt hard hard but it was enough to bring a tear to my eye. Im not gunna say I'm completly innocent in this as when we argue I do tend to shout instead of calmly talking to him, which to a point I can understand how he reacts whilst he's got my in his face shouting. After that I walked off and he followed me shouting various things such as 'Look at you!!' and I asked what that was meant to mean, and asked if he was referring to me being overweight and he said yes. Ok yes I am overweight, but I am doing something about it but when he said that I really did feel so small and pathetic.
This is just one of the things that has happened between us. He has hit me quite a bit, he holds my head under the quilt until i beg him to let me out.
I know the obvious thing is to leave him, but with £1,500 of his debt in my name I cant see a way out at the minute. (He still makes the payments to these 2 cards - but they arent going to be clear for another year yet!)
I have recently started talking to a bloke that I used to go out with when I was a bit younger, nothings happened, but talking to him and then going home to my OH makes me think....
I really need to talk to some1, most of you will know me from various posts..well its all took a turn for the worst now. Sorry if this turns out long:
Me and OH have been together 2.5years, living together for 2 years. When I met him, he was in debt (see sig) so I started to help him out by making sure the payments were made to the cards/loan so that he didnt occur any futhur charges. Now here's the first bit that I mucked up on - I took out 2 cards in my name for him to transfer some of the balance to (Mint and Virgin - again, see sig) I done this as they were 0% on balance transfers and he couldnt get the cards himself. Now please don't tell me how stupid I am, becoz there is no1 that knows that more than me, I just need advice...
We have always had quite a rocky relationship, had our ups and downs but everything normally sorts itself out in the end. Until now that is. My OH has become so possessive over me - to the point that he checks my phone all the time and even gets funny about me seeing my family. He says nasty things about my family also. He has made me feel so small - you wouldnt beleive.
For example: this morning: everything was fine whilst in bed, we were just about to get up and he wouldnt let me go and i was getting angry because we were going to be late for work. Anyway - I got up and went to the toilet and he followed me and I told him to go away and he hit me in the leg, so I pushed his head out the way and he went mental - he punched me 3 or 4 times in my legs. It wasnt hard hard but it was enough to bring a tear to my eye. Im not gunna say I'm completly innocent in this as when we argue I do tend to shout instead of calmly talking to him, which to a point I can understand how he reacts whilst he's got my in his face shouting. After that I walked off and he followed me shouting various things such as 'Look at you!!' and I asked what that was meant to mean, and asked if he was referring to me being overweight and he said yes. Ok yes I am overweight, but I am doing something about it but when he said that I really did feel so small and pathetic.
This is just one of the things that has happened between us. He has hit me quite a bit, he holds my head under the quilt until i beg him to let me out.
I know the obvious thing is to leave him, but with £1,500 of his debt in my name I cant see a way out at the minute. (He still makes the payments to these 2 cards - but they arent going to be clear for another year yet!)
I have recently started talking to a bloke that I used to go out with when I was a bit younger, nothings happened, but talking to him and then going home to my OH makes me think....
xXx
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Comments
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Would you pay £1500 to be happy and free?
It's never worth staying for money.Debt free 4th April 2007.
New house. Bigger mortgage. MFWB after I have my buffer cash in place.0 -
Take the £1,500 hit and get rid of this idiot asap.
Violence is never the answer, however much "you provoked him" or any other rubbish.
It cost me nearly 100K to get rid of my parasitic ex, and it was worth every penny.0 -
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Take the £1,500 hit and get rid of this idiot asap.
Violence is never the answer, however much "you provoked him" or any other rubbish.
It cost me nearly 100K to get rid of my parasitic ex, and it was worth every penny.
Really? thats alot of money. I dont want him to get away with it though...xXx0 -
Well... I could but Im not paying for his debt - he got this debt before I knew him so if I were to do that, he'd just be getting away with £1500 less debt. Then I'll look even more like an idiot.
You'll look more like an idiot if you stay with him while he continues to hit, bully and talk down to you.
Forget the money side of things, if you are unhappy in the relationship, leave him xxTank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...0 -
When you look back you must wonder how you got with someone like this in the first place. Get rid, it will just get worse.0
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You'll look more like an idiot if you stay with him while he continues to hit, bully and talk down to you.
Forget the money side of things, if you are unhappy in the relationship, leave him xx
I know thats how I should be thinking...but I'm not. I keep thinking that it will go back to how it used to be. You know, I fought so hard to get that bloke as my boyfriend. We were meant to be starting a family next year, Funny how everything goes wrong! People can change cant they?
He always tells me I need to go to anger management for my shouting, maybe if I did he wouldnt get so mad at me?xXx0 -
As others have said, get out now! It's only money and if OH ever laid a finger on me he'd be out the door.
Just one thing tho.....I have recently started talking to a bloke that I used to go out with when I was a bit younger, nothings happened, but .....
Could this be why your OH is getting posessive maybe?
Still doesn't excuse him hitting you.Some days you're the dog..... most days you're the tree!
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Stacie, my heart goes out to you I was in exactly the same position, my ex couldnt get credit in his name, had loads of debts and so I got the credit cards oh and the violence that went with it. He also used to take my debit card and take money out of my account to pay for drugs leaving me and kids without anything. I thought that I had to stay with him for the kids and I never thought I could pay off the debt if he left.
But eventually enough was enough and I kicked him out, I thought it best to try and put up with the debt rather than have a possesive violent man in my life and in front of our kids.
He wont change, in fact the violence will get worse and worse. £1,500 is not big in the grand scheme of things, you have to look and see which is the lesser evil, the debt or your man. My ex left me with £7k worth or debt and it took 5 years to pay it all off but left me with a bad credit history.
Luckily I am now with a wonderful man who wouldnt dream of laying one finger on me in temper but it took me a long time to trust him.
You need to speak with the CAB, I am sure you can prove that the debt from your mans CC was transferred to a CC in your name, therefore there may be a way out but I am not legally trained so I dont want to give you false hope but its something to look into while your sorting this out.
Please please please do not stay with a violent man for £1,500 your life is worth so so so much more. If anything happened and your parents found out I am sure that they would have gladly paid the £1,500 to have you with them. Thats sounds really harsh, but its a reality that is happening all accross the country.0
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