A not so happy relationship

lorac3

Lovie you have your whole life ahead of you at 20, do you really want to be trapped with a prize bully for the rest of it ? Please listen to what people are advising and then make a clear judgement. Gosh I wish I was 20 again and knew what I know now !!

Staciep88

imfedup wrote: »

I kicked him out, one morning I woke up with strangulation marks around my neck and a bruised cheek bone and realised that I could take anymore. So I waited till he had gone out, got all his stuff together and put it outside the front door, got my dad to change the locks on the house and phoned the police to advise them that there may be trouble (he has a record for the violence).

How did I feel - afraid, scared, lonley and embarrased but most of all I felt this strange feeling of calm that although I may be in for a long road ahead of me I am made of stronger stuff and I could get through it with the kids. Yes it was hard work but it was worth it, to know that I would not have to worry about what mood he was going to be in, making the kids be quiet and I had some money in the bank.

As for my family, they would have gladly paid him a lot of money to just go far away.

You can and will get through this, you have no children thank god so there is only you to think about.

Another thing, this guy your talking to, Its hard but try and not talk to him till you get your head together cos at the moment he is only clouding your thoughts. If he is a good a friend as you think he is, he will understand.

You need to do this for you, forget about the debt, thats easily sorted out.

I'm sorry to hear you've been through this. Did you worry about what would happen to your ex's next partner? Thats something that worries me aswell. My parents don't like my OH either

shellsuit

Staciep88 wrote: »

When I shout I tell him to leave me alone and stop bullying me, I probs call him the odd name aswell - but that is after I have been called all the names under the sun. No I dont think its acceptable, I think Im pathetic for letting him do it to me though. Lol at the anger management since 1990! OH is 26 and I am soon to be 20 x

So he's provoking you, how on earth can he blame you for shouting when you only shout at him when he's said or done something to you?

He sounds like a controlling, bullying little shoite, I can only seeing it get worse before it gets better (and that's IF it gets better).

Staciep88

lorac3 wrote: »

Lovie you have your whole life ahead of you at 20, do you really want to be trapped with a prize bully for the rest of it ? Please listen to what people are advising and then make a clear judgement. Gosh I wish I was 20 again and knew what I know now !!

I know, I just wish I had that little bit more courage - I have told him to leave before and he starts on his 'you cant live with out me blah blah' and then I think, yeah he's right, im just a silly little girl. And he tells me to 'run back to my family' which i find really hurtful when he says it cuz I should be able to go back to my family and not feel bad about it.

imfedup

Yeh he is with someone now, and he does exactly the same to her but nothing I say to her will make her love him less but she will wake up one day and realise and he will be out the door.

Dont worry about the next person or the person after that, your 20 years of age hun and as long as you leave him you will have your whole life ahead of you to meet a wonderful man.

You will learn from this lesson, next time you wont be as trusting and thats a good thing.

Dont be to eager to find another man and settle down, take some time out go out with your mates, get the relationship with your family back on track(cos I bet my last pound you have let that slip) and enjoy life as you should do.

If you want to PM me your more than welcome to, your not alone in this and we are all here to offer you our words of encouragement and advise.

Give your head a wobble and start today as you mean to go on.

xx

Staciep88

imfedup wrote: »

Yeh he is with someone now, and he does exactly the same to her but nothing I say to her will make her love him less but she will wake up one day and realise and he will be out the door.

Dont worry about the next person or the person after that, your 20 years of age hun and as long as you leave him you will have your whole life ahead of you to meet a wonderful man.

You will learn from this lesson, next time you wont be as trusting and thats a good thing.

Dont be to eager to find another man and settle down, take some time out go out with your mates, get the relationship with your family back on track(cos I bet my last pound you have let that slip) and enjoy life as you should do.

If you want to PM me your more than welcome to, your not alone in this and we are all here to offer you our words of encouragement and advise.

Give your head a wobble and start today as you mean to go on.

xx

If I did leave him I wouldnt find another man straight away, like you said, I would go out with my mates, I might even go crazy and go to a nightclub! never been out on the town u see. I still talk to my family (i work with them infact) but its obvious that they can see whats going on. And by that I mean, they always know that im upset or worrying about money etc, which is something I have never done.

Primrose

I'm afraid you're living in a dream world if you're hoping things will go back to how they used to be. And from what you say .i.e. that your relationship has always been rather rocky, I suspect they never really were good, even to begin with.
Stop letting your low self-esteem about being over weight forcing you into the frame of mind where you have to accept being physically punched and abused. The reality is that this chap is a bully, and if you were to complain to the police, he could be charged with Bodily Harm.
Get out of the relationship now before things get worse. Yes, you were very foolish to take his debts on your cards but it's better to accept occasionally that mistakes were made and move on. There's an old saying "Beware of getting what you wish for". Well, you fought hard to win this guy and now you've got him, the reality has turned out to be a bad dream instead of what you hoped for. Possessiveness in any relationship will kill it faster than anything. Please have the courage to walk away now, especially if he is ruining your relationship with your family. You are worth more than this and if he is physically violent to you again, make a formal complaint to the police.

imfedup

yeh get dressed up and go out on the town, get really drunk, fall over and then have a kebab, it works wonders

Staciep88

shellsuit wrote: »

So he's provoking you, how on earth can he blame you for shouting when you only shout at him when he's said or done something to you?

He sounds like a controlling, bullying little shoite, I can only seeing it get worse before it gets better (and that's IF it gets better).

Thats just the way its got I guess. We are currently living alone at the moment but we are meant to me moving back in with his mum and dad in 2 weeks so that the debts can be cleared quicker - then we were meant to start a family. Doubt that will happen now. I did think that he may change a little when we are at his parents as he wont be able to shout and hit me. And once when we fell out, he said something nasty to me and I pushed him up against the van outside there house and broke his necklace (accident) (and this is when I was a stronger person mentally) and we both went in his mum and dads house and I was crying and I remember that his dad thought he had hit me and he went absolutly mental - he cornered OH and come and got me and talked to me and gave me a hug, so I'd love to see what OH dad would do if OH actually did hit me and OH dad was there...

Emmzi

how is moving in with his mum any different to you 'running back to your family'? Double standrad, i think!

move back to your mums, pay off the money, call it a cheap lesson, regroup, move on.

from your posts you aren't sounding like you are ready to leave. I think that's such a shame. If it's meant to be, and you love each other, a few months apart while you are at your mum's really won't make any difference in the long run. It might give you the clarity to decide either way.

also please note how many people (old, experienced people!) are suggesting staying and making it work, and how many are suggesting moving on.