A not so happy relationship

RedBern

as he's making inroads into clearing his debt can't you see if he can get a O% balance transfer now so you can transfer some of your debt back across to his name - just to help out with finances generally - no ulterior motive. And as soon as that's done, pack your bags and get away - don't be bullied by this idiot - look to your family for support.

Staciep88

Norbertsmum wrote: »

As others have said, get out now! It's only money and if OH ever laid a finger on me he'd be out the door.

Just one thing tho.....


Could this be why your OH is getting posessive maybe?
Still doesn't excuse him hitting you.

Oh no, he doesnt no about me speaking to him - he'd shoot me if he knew. He has been possesive from the start I think, but its only got stupid in the past few months

wannabe_sybil

You have said that if you went to anger management it may be the answer.

So, if I understand it correctly, you held a gun at his head and threatened him until he hit you and eroded your self esteem? Or was it his free choice?

Please do not tolerate this.

shellsuit

What do you shout at him about and why do you shout?

So you shout at him, he hits you and you think it is acceptable because it's your fault for shouting??

HE needs anger management.....you don't need anger management for shouting, my God, if people did, I would have been having it since 1990!

Can I ask how old you both are? xx

lorac3

He sounds like a BULLY, please cut your losses and get out of this relationship NOW. If you have to pay his debt so what ?
This type of bloke will just get worse. Please think of yourself first.
Hope all goes well.

Staciep88

imfedup wrote: »

Stacie, my heart goes out to you I was in exactly the same position, my ex couldnt get credit in his name, had loads of debts and so I got the credit cards oh and the violence that went with it. He also used to take my debit card and take money out of my account to pay for drugs leaving me and kids without anything. I thought that I had to stay with him for the kids and I never thought I could pay off the debt if he left.

But eventually enough was enough and I kicked him out, I thought it best to try and put up with the debt rather than have a possesive violent man in my life and in front of our kids.

He wont change, in fact the violence will get worse and worse. £1,500 is not big in the grand scheme of things, you have to look and see which is the lesser evil, the debt or your man. My ex left me with £7k worth or debt and it took 5 years to pay it all off but left me with a bad credit history.

Luckily I am now with a wonderful man who wouldnt dream of laying one finger on me in temper but it took me a long time to trust him.

You need to speak with the CAB, I am sure you can prove that the debt from your mans CC was transferred to a CC in your name, therefore there may be a way out but I am not legally trained so I dont want to give you false hope but its something to look into while your sorting this out.

Please please please do not stay with a violent man for £1,500 your life is worth so so so much more. If anything happened and your parents found out I am sure that they would have gladly paid the £1,500 to have you with them. Thats sounds really harsh, but its a reality that is happening all accross the country.

Omg thats awful. But how did it feel to leave him. If I'm honest he has got me into the position where Im thinking that I cannot cope without him. I know it sounds stupid but thats what he does

lorac3

Of course you can and will cope without him. It sounds like he has got you just where he wants you to be ( scared and reliant on him ). Get your courage and make plans to go.

RedBern

Staciep88 wrote: »

Omg thats awful. But how did it feel to leave him. If I'm honest he has got me into the position where Im thinking that I cannot cope without him. I know it sounds stupid but thats what he does

that's what he wants. You can cope without him - you coped before he was on the scene so why do you need him so much now? You can do without him and his debt.

Staciep88

shellsuit wrote: »

What do you shout at him about and why do you shout?

So you shout at him, he hits you and you think it is acceptable because it's your fault for shouting??

HE needs anger management.....you don't need anger management for shouting, my God, if people did, I would have been having it since 1990!

Can I ask how old you both are? xx

When I shout I tell him to leave me alone and stop bullying me, I probs call him the odd name aswell - but that is after I have been called all the names under the sun. No I dont think its acceptable, I think Im pathetic for letting him do it to me though. Lol at the anger management since 1990! OH is 26 and I am soon to be 20 x

imfedup

I kicked him out, one morning I woke up with strangulation marks around my neck and a bruised cheek bone and realised that I could take anymore. So I waited till he had gone out, got all his stuff together and put it outside the front door, got my dad to change the locks on the house and phoned the police to advise them that there may be trouble (he has a record for the violence).

How did I feel - afraid, scared, lonley and embarrased but most of all I felt this strange feeling of calm that although I may be in for a long road ahead of me I am made of stronger stuff and I could get through it with the kids. Yes it was hard work but it was worth it, to know that I would not have to worry about what mood he was going to be in, making the kids be quiet and I had some money in the bank.

As for my family, they would have gladly paid him a lot of money to just go far away.

You can and will get through this, you have no children thank god so there is only you to think about.

Another thing, this guy your talking to, Its hard but try and not talk to him till you get your head together cos at the moment he is only clouding your thoughts. If he is a good a friend as you think he is, he will understand.

You need to do this for you, forget about the debt, thats easily sorted out.