A not so happy relationship

Staciep88

Primrose wrote: »

I'm afraid you're living in a dream world if you're hoping things will go back to how they used to be. And from what you say .i.e. that your relationship has always been rather rocky, I suspect they never really were good, even to begin with.
Stop letting your low self-esteem about being over weight forcing you into the frame of mind where you have to accept being physically punched and abused. The reality is that this chap is a bully, and if you were to complain to the police, he could be charged with Bodily Harm.
Get out of the relationship now before things get worse. Yes, you were very foolish to take his debts on your cards but it's better to accept occasionally that mistakes were made and move on. There's an old saying "Beware of getting what you wish for". Well, you fought hard to win this guy and now you've got him, the reality has turned out to be a bad dream instead of what you hoped for. Possessiveness in any relationship will kill it faster than anything. Please have the courage to walk away now, especially if he is ruining your relationship with your family. You are worth more than this and if he is physically violent to you again, make a formal complaint to the police.

I know, isnt it funny how if some1 else had posted my original post I would have said the same to them, but now Im in the position I cant think straight at all. If I made a formal complaint - surely I couldnt really do that until I was brused? He's clever than that to leave evidence

katiekittykat

Oh staciep88 - get out of this relationship please, you are only 20! You don't need all this, get out now go back home if you can!

I don't want to shock you - but 1 woman a week dies at the hands of a partner or ex partner.


He won't change - they never do. get out whilst you still can.

xxxx

Staciep88

Emmzi wrote: »

how is moving in with his mum any different to you 'running back to your family'? Double standrad, i think!

move back to your mums, pay off the money, call it a cheap lesson, regroup, move on.

from your posts you aren't sounding like you are ready to leave. I think that's such a shame. If it's meant to be, and you love each other, a few months apart while you are at your mum's really won't make any difference in the long run. It might give you the clarity to decide either way.

also please note how many people (old, experienced people!) are suggesting staying and making it work, and how many are suggesting moving on.

I see what your saying about the family thing, and I agree and I use that in my offence when he is being horrible to me about my family. But I just get told that his family dont interfer?! My family dont interfer, they have done nothing except help other half - infact OH still owes them £325 - which is another thing, I want him to repay that before we are over cuz I dont want my parents to loose out becoz of my stupid mistakes. I understand what your saying about time apart, thing is we have done this before (when he used to work away) and I would just get text messages every 5 mins asking what I was doing, thats why its easier just to go with him as it saves loadsa hassle. I know everyone is saying move on, and I agree, just gota find the strength to do it

Jennifer_Jane

Please get out and put the £1500 down to education. Even if he wasn't raising his hands to you, it doesn't sound like a healthy or happy relationship, and certainly it would be a cruelty to bring children into this. If he's getting possessive, please ensure that you cannot get pregnant.

This is just the start of getting worse and worse treatment from him. You cannot be seen to condone it (by staying with him). You must split up.

You've had a wealth of advice here from people who know how it always pans out. Please go before it escalates.

My heart goes out to you. But please leave now! Get on with the rest of your life, and moreover, let him get on with his. This is not happiness. Why be with someone you quarrel with.

Jen
x

Sian_the_Green

There is definitely no shame in living with your parents when things get a little rocky, you will always be their little girl and they will always want to keep you safe. The money isn't really the issue here, you need to be safe more than anything else and emotionally he is going to be causing you way more damage than bruises show. The fact that you are justifying being hit proves that. If you were to start a family what would you be teaching your child by staying with someone who abuses you emotionally and physically?

katiekittykat

Staciep88 wrote: »

I see what your saying about the family thing, and I agree and I use that in my offence when he is being horrible to me about my family. But I just get told that his family dont interfer?! My family dont interfer, they have done nothing except help other half - infact OH still owes them £325 - which is another thing, I want him to repay that before we are over cuz I dont want my parents to loose out becoz of my stupid mistakes. I understand what your saying about time apart, thing is we have done this before (when he used to work away) and I would just get text messages every 5 mins asking what I was doing, thats why its easier just to go with him as it saves loadsa hassle. I know everyone is saying move on, and I agree, just gota find the strength to do it

I am sure your parents aren't going to mind about the £325 that is owed to them once they find out what is going on.

Staciep88

Thanks everyone, feel a little stronger about the situation now

RobinC_2

Yes, as you inferred, if this were happening to a good mate/family member/neice, whoever, you would probably, most definitely (I would hope) tell them to LEAVE and cut their losses with the debt . Right? You must do the same.
1,500 is a lot of money, yet, in the big picture, it's really not. Cut your losses and put it up to experience.

I read something once which has always stuck with me and changed my life really: People treat you how you let them.
He's a bully, he WON'T change and he's preying on your low self esteem to keep you right where he wants you. And the fact that you have thoughts that you can't cope without him, well, his strategy is working wonders, your self esteem is eroding away even more.
If you are going to stay with him (hopefully not), then document and take pictures of every incident . Call the cops. Document it all. At least do that, you might find it helpful in the future.

katiekittykat

Staciep88 wrote: »

Thanks everyone, feel a little stronger about the situation now

So are you going to leave?

budget_budd

Please don't stay in this relationship because of money it is never worth it. (Ive been there!) Tell your parents what has been happening and I know they won't care about the money they'd much prefer a happy and safe daughter.
Don't stay if you are unhappy life is too short get out there and find someone who is worthy of you, this Bully is not deserving.