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Woulld you expect ex partner to have a school uniform?
Comments
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What they mean is if Dad buys 'Uniform 6', which is what the OP wants, this week it hangs in the wardrobe at Dad's house. Son arrives having changed out of Friday's uniform by going back to Mums first. On Monday morning son puts on Uniform 6 to go to school. On Monday night he returns to Mum's house with Uniform 6 on. This means there is now 6 uniforms at Mum's house including the one Dad 'owns' So what happens next time son is staying at Dads? Is son now allowed to travel in that days uniform to Dads for him to launder, or does he still have to fetch son back on Monday morning in order to put on one of the 6 uniforms he now owns on or does he do exactly what he is currently doing, which is go home Friday night, change, put a uniform in a bag and go to Dads via Grandparents. The only difference is son now own 6 uniforms instead of 5, 1 of which Dad purchased and the rest Mum shopped for.Actually, she did......0 -
I understand what you are saying, however it is not the lads fault his parents have split up and if they were still together then he would be walking with his friends from home everyday
How do you know that? There are too many could be/could have been. What if they were still together but they had to relocate due to father's job? He would then had to move to a totally different school and have to make brand new friends. Separated, he wouldn't need to move.
I agree with Poet. I see a 13 year old, who has his mum wrapped around his fingers, playing 'poor me' because one day, he might miss out on gossip, mother falls for it, finds a way to manipulate father in the hope that he gives in, expect father doesn't like the way son is acting and how his mother lets him get away with it so stands up to it by principle.
I hope father buys the uniform but pays £5 but deducts maintenance if he can.0 -
Despite trying to arrange an alternative my son is still having to spend a night at his Dads where he has to attend school the next day.
I just think if they say they want to have them overnight on a school night then they should provide them with a uniform clean and ready to go. Which we will return to him on the Thursday when he goes round for tea and we pick him up.
Is it unreasonable (as he says) to even ask?
I have copied this from my OP. It's not complete but feel free to read it on page one. Yes, there is another post that preceeded me asking this question.
I gave a brief detail of the situation. Basically stating that if a NRP requests specifically to have a child on a school night is it unreasonable to ask them to have a spare uniform at theirs? For whatever reason. I admit that I should not have used the word 'told' it was not representative of what I said or meant to say.
The thread quickly turned to accusations that I have been petty, manipulative and should be ashamed of my parenting.
I have for 7 pages explained and justified why I feel that a NRP should not be able to use the 'I pay maintenanc' excuse for everything. Which was also outlined in my OP, and up for discussion. I was informed by my solicitor that maintenance can not be calculated for a specific thing. It is up to the PWC what it is spent on.
So originally the thread was about asking if it is reasonable to assume that a parent who is looking after a child on school nights should purchase a spare uniform. There are posters who have answered this question. And if I have got the jist have said that while it may be acceptable to assume/ask that a NRP might buy one regardless of what the PWC purchased, the majority don't think he should because the PWC should provide it and other things), even if the maintenance wouldn't cover it.
The posters who obviously thought that I had every intention of sl*****g off my ex in front of my son, forcing him to go to school in no uniform because of my actions can feel safe in the knowledge that he has toddled off today carrying his bag, PE Kit and a clean fresh uniform for Monday. He is going to speak to his Dad about not going on a school night, but at his request is always going to come home to change so that he does not have to carry so much to school on the one day.
Incidentally, he was picked up by his father instead of the agreed arrangement of catching the bus to his Grandma's. His Dad made a point of asking our son to remember his uniform while he was stood at the door. I had to say it made me smile. :rotfl:Seems he may have discovered a new tactic non of us thought of to get out of buying that uniform!!!!!!!
I still continue to comment on this forum to try and explain my opinions/actions so that we can understand and embrace how everyone is different, and yet entitled to their opnion.
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Incidentally, he was picked up by his father instead of the agreed arrangement of catching the bus to his Grandma's. His Dad made a point of asking our son to remember his uniform while he was stood at the door. I had to say it made me smile. :rotfl:Seems he may have discovered a new tactic non of us thought of to get out of buying that uniform!!!!!!!
Gosh, legitimate reminders are now seemingly construed as tactics!! OP you do come across as petty and vindictive regarding this issue, and it will undoubtedly come back to bite you when your son begins to see the actions of each of you for what they are; power plays in which his interests are not the first consideration. Rise above it and facilitate your son (if he is being reasonable) regardless of your own feelings and issues about his father.0 -
You'd think it would work that way wouldn't you?
But it doesn't. Irrespective of where the child has slept the previous night, it is the PWC that has the responsibility of making sure the child is in school, wearing the correct uniform, at the correct time.
It might not be fair, or in some cases, practical.......but that's how the system works.
I always thought that we were both responsible for this. I know it does deflate my own argument somewhat and many will therefore say there you go then. Lol. But if both parents have a legal responsibility to protect and maintain the child, he would be somewhat responsible would he not? Could you let me know how you know this and if there is something I could read/ look at it would be great.
Interesting...... 0 -
Gosh, legitimate reminders are now seemingly construed as tactics!! OP you do come across as petty and vindictive regarding this issue, and it will undoubtedly come back to bite you when your son begins to see the actions of each of you for what they are; power plays in which his interests are not the first consideration. Rise above it and facilitate your son (if he is being reasonable) regardless of your own feelings and issues about his father.
Ahem, when he has not picked his son up from our door in some time I would not consider that a legitimate reminder. More a rub in my face actually. Because, unlike him. I will not say anything in front of my son. He knows it and has used it to his advantage. So when he ultimately refuses to change his arrangements to suit his son, and keeps to this Sunday night arrangement knowing that I think he should buy a uniform. He will pick his son up every Friday to make sure he has it! And for this, I have absolutely no comeback. If my son is present then yes, his uniform must go with him.0 -
I don't think that at all. I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask a NRP to chip in towards additional costs such as uniform or a school trip. There were plenty of threads asking about this during the summer, many from different perspectives eg there was one from Stepmum, partner of NRP who had been given little notice of being asked to chip in to kit out a Secondary school child.So originally the thread was about asking if it is reasonable to assume that a parent who is looking after a child on school nights should purchase a spare uniform. There are posters who have answered this question. And if I have got the jist have said that while it may be acceptable to assume/ask that a NRP might buy one regardless of what the PWC purchased, the majority don't think he should because the PWC should provide it and other things), even if the maintenance wouldn't cover it.
What makes no sense, as explained by several people on here including myself, is that you default back to having 6 uniform at your place the very first time your son has worn the uniform 'owned' by Dad. It doesn't put you in any better position re Dad washing his clothes, son not having to take them with him or even him buying them just son now has 6 sets of uniform, more than he needs for a clean one every day of the week. The time to ask Dad to help out with the costs of buying uniform was this summer, when you went buying 5 sets. Your ex has now worked out what to do re not getting one, he's turning up at your house and asking son to take a uniform with him, knowing you won't say anything.0 -
Ahem, when he has not picked his son up from our door in some time I would not consider that a legitimate reminder. More a rub in my face actually. Because, unlike him. I will not say anything in front of my son. He knows it and has used it to his advantage. So when he ultimately refuses to change his arrangements to suit his son, and keeps to this Sunday night arrangement knowing that I think he should buy a uniform. He will pick his son up every Friday to make sure he has it! And for this, I have absolutely no comeback. If my son is present then yes, his uniform must go with him.
You really still don't get it do you.
It doesn't matter whether or not your ex buys a uniform, they're still all going to end up at yours, they're still going to have to be transported, one way or another, even if it is on a Thursday night, from your house to his and unless you're going to send dirty uniform to your ex on a Thursday/Friday/Sunday you're still going to end up washing them regardless of who bought them.
Hell, he could buy a new uniform every week, they would STILL all end up at yours.Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear0 -
I have for 7 pages explained and justified why I feel that a NRP should not be able to use the 'I pay maintenanc' excuse for everything.
That is absolutely correct, but the alternative isn't to order them to buy whaatever YOU deem to be appropriate. That's the part you fail completely to understand and what is no doubt winding up your ex. How would you feel if with the maintenance came a list of exactly what each penny should be spent on? Would you be happy to oblige and provide receipts at the end of the month? No, you would tell him to stuff himself just as he is telling you now.
No, just everyone did and told you that your suggestion was ridiculous, yet you took no notice at all and stood to your position, hence posters deducting that it had nothing to do with the uniform, especially added with the issues you brought up in the other thread.There are posters who have answered this question.
It made you smile? I think it is utterly sad to resolve to such childless behaviour to score points.I had to say it made me smile. Seems he may have discovered a new tactic non of us thought of to get out of buying that uniform!!!!!!!
And so what? why can't you just take a step back and realise that letting him 'win' is actually showing that you are the biggest one? My ex has done much worse manipulation, involving lies to get his way in the most self-centered way to suit himself. I never rise to it because all it shows is how pathetic he is and our children are getting to the age that they themselves can see it because they are very mature that way and I have raised them not to resort to such behaviour when dealing with people they don't like.And for this, I have absolutely no comeback.
You have a new life, surely you have plenty on your mind. Is all this really worth your time and energy? If I was your partner, it would really get to me because all your actions show that you just haven't moved on. I have been there, the utter frustration of feeling totally manipulated by my ex to suit HIS own needs, but the satisfaction I get from not rising to it and that as a result, my kids are not stuck in the middle is worth a lot more than any throw back, and ironically, I think it irks him much more that I don't respond to it anyway, because it shows that I am in control of my emotions when he isn't. I don't care, I just want peace and quiet for me, my hubby and children.0 -
Fbaby you speak a lot of sense , do you mind me asking how long you have been split up from you ex and how long it took you to get to the stage you are now, where there is no resentment (as surely you must have felt some at first? we are all human)0
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