Woulld you expect ex partner to have a school uniform?

aliasojo

Claire212 wrote: »

I appreciate the views on this forum, but I have decided to take a stand.

Oh Lordy I feel your frustration. I can only imagine how annoyed you are. Despite what any of us think, you are the one living this and clearly you need to do what you feel is best regardless of anyone else's opinion.

But please, think about it just once more, because you wont actually be teaching your son what you think you are, you're only teaching him how to be inflexible and intolerant and how to take an issue which is a small irritant and perhaps make it into something that has knock on effects and ends up causing more hassle than the situation warrants.

It's only with hindsight when they are older, they recognise the lessons they were learning whilst growing up.

Will his memories be of you making things as good for him as possible even when his Dad was being a bit awkward, or will they be of both Mum and Dad being awkward and him being caught in the middle?

The day will come when Dad has to reassess things, a child who is not particularly happy with the arrangements will be hard to ignore for any length of time. Until then, it's best to be amenable over the smaller stuff. Imo.

Good luck with it all anyway, hope you find a way forward for you all.

FatVonD

iammumtoone wrote: »

If it is what it is about then I think everyone would be more understanding as at the end of the day she is fighting for what her son wants.

They were, here's the thread:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4765929

But the OP is denying that's what this has all been about, in fact she seemed hell bent on getting him to buy a set of uniform.

poet123

iammumtoone wrote: »

Because its what he wants why should his dad not bring him home early Monday morning, he will not be missing out on time with him. Once the OPs son has tried this for a few weeks, he might change his mind and decide he wants more of a lay in, instead of having to get up earlier so he can walk with his mates. But that should be the sons decision.

And teenagers should always get what they want regardless of whether it is reasonable? Mmm, one day of being dropped off out of 14 doesn't seem to me to be much of an issue.

JimmyTheWig

FatVonD wrote: »

But the OP is denying that's what this has all been about, in fact she seemed hell bent on getting him to buy a set of uniform.

I get the feeling that this is nothing to do with walking to school, nothing to do with logistics of who has to carry what (as who buys the uniform has nothing to do with that), nothing, really, to do with uniform.
I think this is about a woman who feels that her son's dad doesn't contribute as much as he should towards their son. I think she just wants him to buy _something_ that she would otherwise pay for.

iammumtoone

poet123 wrote: »

And teenagers should always get what they want regardless of whether it is reasonable? Mmm, one day of being dropped off out of 14 doesn't seem to me to be much of an issue.

I understand what you are saying, however it is not the lads fault his parents have split up and if they were still together then he would be walking with his friends from home everyday. So yes I do believe if the issue has arisen do to a consequence of his parents living apart he should be able to do what would generally happen if his parents were still together (if thats what he wants). Other issues (irrelevant to the fact his parents live apart) then yes you are right he should not always get want he wants.

Gigglepig

To me it sounds like OP is frustrated with covering up/facilitate her ex, literally doing his laundry. maybe taking a step back isn't so bad. If the dad were to for example send a 12 year old to school without uniform, it would be due to the dad having a parenting issue. His responsibility, not OP's. If this happens, surely OP can request mediation to discuss. If the school calls then she can make it very clear that the son stayed with his dad, who as a parent needs to take responsibility for his own actions. it might be tough for the son at times, but ultimately, this is his dad, he is how he is. it is up to the dad how he parents. People are different and imperfect.

System

The OP still hasn't answered how the dad gets a uniform for the Monday after the first week when everything has ended up back at the Mum's.

So does he take a dirty set with him on the weekend to force the father to wash them?

aliasojo

!!!!!! wrote: »

The OP still hasn't answered how the dad gets a uniform for the Monday after the first week when everything has ended up back at the Mum's.

Actually, she did......

Claire212 wrote: »

However, I have made it clear that this shall be the last time I will be doing this. If my ex does not wish to provide a uniform for his son then he will have no option but to return him on Sunday as my son requested or Monday morning before school so that he can collect his things and change, in good time so that he is not late, which means he needs to drop our son off at 7.30 at the latest (He leaves at 7.50).

meer53

I feel sorry for the son. The OP should just get on and do what's needed to sort out the issue. If she feels another set of uniform is needed, if the ex won't buy it, she should, then she can stop wittering about how unfair it is.

I'd like my ex to contribute a fiver towards my daughters uniform. It ain't gonna happen. Am i worried ? Nope.

**Patty**

Gigglepig wrote: »

To me it sounds like OP is frustrated with covering up/facilitate her ex, literally doing his laundry. maybe taking a step back isn't so bad. If the dad were to for example send a 12 year old to school without uniform, it would be due to the dad having a parenting issue. His responsibility, not OP's. If this happens, surely OP can request mediation to discuss. If the school calls then she can make it very clear that the son stayed with his dad, who as a parent needs to take responsibility for his own actions. it might be tough for the son at times, but ultimately, this is his dad, he is how he is. it is up to the dad how he parents. People are different and imperfect.

You'd think it would work that way wouldn't you?

But it doesn't. Irrespective of where the child has slept the previous night, it is the PWC that has the responsibility of making sure the child is in school, wearing the correct uniform, at the correct time.

It might not be fair, or in some cases, practical.......but that's how the system works.