Woulld you expect ex partner to have a school uniform?

duchy

OP

I do know how frustrating it is to feel the ex is taking the mickey and to feel you need to control what you can -that you have the moral high ground BUT if it is just going to cause more resentment and bitterness on both sides sometimes it is better to put your own feelings aside and simply say "What is better for my son?" What can I do to make it best for HIM ? In this case this isn't making him travel a double journey just because you feel you are "Right"
You are coming across as prioritizing scoring points over your ex at the expense of giving your son a longer and more inconvenient journey. Is that REALLY who you want to be....and how your son remember you in his teenage years ?

candygirl

Claire212 wrote: »

How will he even know? The only way the issue will be raised is if his Dad makes a big deal out of it to our Son.

If he does go out and get him a uniform then he will see that his Dad has to buy the every day things too and make sure that they are washed and that his Dad really is his parent and not just fun Dad!

If his Dad doesn't really want to fork out what will be around £20 for a uniform, he will probably bring him home before school, or send him to school in no uniform? That's his call, not mine.

But it wont be your ex, who gets punished for not wearing the uniform will it?:(
I know how crAp exes can be:mad: I wont go into my story, but suffice it to say I would never have let my Daughter suffer cos of the mess me and her Dad had made of our relationship:(
You have uniforms coming out of your ears, send your Son with one for God's sake:D

Spendless

candygirl wrote: »

But it wont be your ex, who gets punished for not wearing the uniform will it?:(

Not if he attends a school like my son's. For any part of school uniform missing it is an automatic detention. Saying it's due to divorced parents playing power games with each other won't wash, child either won't be believed or both parents can expect a call from the Pastoral Officer telling them to grow up!

Claire212

FatVonD wrote: »

Because you are! The OP will insist her son comes home to change out of his uniform just to spite her ex. Instead of setting off after school with just the clothes on his back (weekend clothes having been handed over on Thursday evening) the poor child will have to come home to collect his bag.

OP, how much of this has to do with your other thread about your son wanting to walk to school with his friends and your ex insisting on having another night?

Edit: I rest my case! *points upwards*

I don't understand your point on this one. On Thursdays he goes to school in his uniform. Goes to his Dad's for tea and comes back in his uniform. He has no clothes AT ALL at his Dad's.

My 'poor' son has to come home to collect his PE kit anyway having it on Monday, and his day clothes. He can't carry it all. Plus two lots of school books for two Days. (The way I heard it from my son this morning was 'Whine..can't carry..whine... get the mick took for having PE ..etc etc). He wants to come home. So I have made this decision.

He goes to his Grandparents anyway as he does for tea most of the time straight from school, on occasion we have let him go to his Dad's mums from school for tea and picked him up from their too. Because he asked. His Grandparents live about 15 minutes walk from school.

His Dad has insisted that the other day be a Sunday. He didn't want Friday as he goes out every 2 weeks. He works the rest of the time so was not availiable to have him. So my thought's on this were if he insisted on this day. Why can't he buy his son all the equipment he needs to enable him to go straight to his parents from school?

Claire212

I think this has evolved into a slanging match about my parenting, without fully reading the thread.

If I don't give my ex a uniform and he doesn't buy him one, then he must bring him back on monday morning. A suggestion made in another thread which I took on board. Thus no one looses out, my son gets to walk with his friends to school and his Dad keeps his wallet in tact.

If he can't be bothered to do that and still wants the uniform, then he will have to b****y buy one.

HappyMJ

Claire212 wrote: »

I think this has evolved into a slanging match about my parenting, without fully reading the thread.

If I don't give my ex a uniform and he doesn't buy him one, then he must bring him back on monday morning. A suggestion made in another thread which I took on board. Thus no one looses out, my son gets to walk with his friends to school and his Dad keeps his wallet in tact.

If he can't be bothered to do that and still wants the uniform, then he will have to b****y buy one.

I don't really know why you started the thread....you've made up your mind already. You say you own the uniform so you do whatever you want with them. I would have thought once clothes are purchased for a child they become the childs to do whatever they want with them. If your son chooses to take one are you going to stop him just because you "own" it? Isn't he old enough to negotiate with his own father what he's going to do on a Monday morning. He sounds old enough to walk to school by himself.

balletshoes

Claire212 wrote: »

I think this has evolved into a slanging match about my parenting, without fully reading the thread.

If I don't give my ex a uniform and he doesn't buy him one, then he must bring him back on monday morning. A suggestion made in another thread which I took on board. Thus no one looses out, my son gets to walk with his friends to school and his Dad keeps his wallet in tact.

If he can't be bothered to do that and still wants the uniform, then he will have to b****y buy one.

What if dad doesnt buy a uniform and doesnt bring son back to your house early enough for him to get his uniform on and walk to school with his friends?
what happens then, and how will your son feel?

FatVonD

Claire212 wrote: »

I don't understand your point on this one. On Thursdays he goes to school in his uniform. Goes to his Dad's for tea and comes back in his uniform. He has no clothes AT ALL at his Dad's.

Your previous thread was about how your son wanted to stop staying over at his dad's on Thursday nights as he wanted to walk to school with his friends instead of being dropped by his dad. (Incidentally what did he do for uniform on those days?) Your ex had asked for another night, he's got Sundays, and now you've engineered it that your son has to come home on that night or Monday morning too.

Claire212 wrote: »

My 'poor' son has to come home to collect his PE kit anyway having it on Monday, and his day clothes. He can't carry it all. Plus two lots of school books for two Days. (The way I heard it from my son this morning was 'Whine..can't carry..whine... get the mick took for having PE ..etc etc). He wants to come home. So I have made this decision.

Then hand the PE kit over on Thursday evening. If he also has PE on Fridays then he already had it with him.

Claire212 wrote: »

So my thought's on this were if he insisted on this day. Why can't he buy his son all the equipment he needs to enable him to go straight to his parents from school?

Because you already have 5 of them and there are only 5 days in a week!

Spendless

I've just been costing the amount of buying 1 days worth of clothes for my 13yo

1 school jumper £15.50
1 tie £3.50
1 pr trousers £16 (no can't be done cheaper, he's in men sizing)
1 white shirt £5?

£30 total. Hopefully your ex pays maintenance via the CSA and and not personally, otherwise what will you do if he deducts £30 next week due to having to buy uniform your son already owns?

No, I don't think it's about your parenting, but it is about issues between you and your ex and a days worth of uniform is in the firing line. If you are annoyed about you buying all the extras take the issue up with ex next year BEFORE buying 5 lots worth. Send son in his uniform on Fridays, so ex HAS to launder them ready for Monday, personally from what you've said about him then I think you've got more chance of that happening then him actually getting son to school on time via your place to pick his school clothes up or him buying an additional set. And I can sympathise with you about an ex that says 'I've already paid maintainance' even though I'm not in that position. My mates ex refused to pay milk money once for theirs stating this..where was friend at time, in hospital! Her kids grew wise to him when they grew up, just bide your time.

JimmyTheWig

OP, there are two completely different things going on here.

1. There is the logistical question of what happens with your son's clothes. Regardless of who goes to the shop to get them, regardless of whose money is used to buy them, you need to sort out the best way, between you, of getting clothes in the right place.
If your son goes to his dad's in non-uniform on a Friday and goes to school from his dad's in uniform on a Monday there will, every time, be a set of worn uniform coming from his dad's to yours. Regardless of who bought the uniform, somehow that's got to get back to his dad's.
So either that works best by your son taking them clean to his grandparents' on Friday, wearing them to his grandparents' on Friday for his dad to wash them over the weekend or some other way. Just pick what works best for you and do it.
You need to understand and appreciate that your ex buying a full set of uniform will only fix this problem once. The next time he goes he will still need to take uniform with him. And the same goes for a PE kit.
Unless you are saying that his dad should buy a new complete set every time he has your son, who buys it doesn't help here.

2. You don't feel that your ex pays enough support for you to buy all the clothes and everything else. From what you've said, I agree with you completely. That's a battle for you and your ex to fight between you.
Whether he needs to pay more each week / month or whether he needs to contribute towards specific expenses is something for the two of you to sort out (with help from CSA if needed).
But understand that him paying more money so you can buy another uniform, or him buying a uniform, won't help get the uniform to his house.