Woulld you expect ex partner to have a school uniform?

twigpig

Gigglepig wrote: »

I don't understand this comparison - staying with a parent is not the same as staying with family/friends/a babysitter.

I think there's a difference between family and either friends or babysitter, but I mentioned grandparents as the op mentioned he spends time there too to some degree. This little boy has one parental home and that's with his mum. That is his home. It's where he lives and where all his things are. Anywhere else when he's with other family or even with his Dad is still not his home. He should take whatever he needs with him and bring his things "home" when he comes home. Grandparent or Dad, I really think this is the same. Why should the little boy not take his own things with him wherever he happens to be staying.

newcook

I used to have at least 4 clean shirts and 3 skirts when I was at school – I used to go straight to my dads on a Friday after school and in my wardrobe was a clean uniform ready for Monday morning and my dad/stepmom would wash my uniform in the week with the normal wash.

Can you keep a ‘spare’ uniform at your ex’s which he can wash in the week – saves carting a change of clothes around too!


oh, and I disagree with twigpig - I was quite chuffed that I had 2 homes! my dad always made sure that his house was also my home and was welcome whenever I wanted.

meer53

OP, i really think that if you sat back and stopped worrying about what you feel your ex OH should do, you'd see why people are making the comments they are.

My daughter has 2 skirts, 3 shirts, one jumper and one blazer. These will last her all year. She has to wear her shirts more than once, it's not the end of the world. If she's at her Dad's she wears the same uniform that she went in (or clean if she went on a non school day)

It really isn't a big deal. You seem to making it a problem for yourself. If your ex OH doesn't want to contribute, forget it and move on. I too have had to remortgage the house to repay debts and now pay the mortgage on my own, i don't have a partner. I have also had to increase my hours to full time at work so that i can do this as i don't get any maintenance. I get zilch from my ex. I like it that way, i know where i stand.

Top_Girl

Playing devil's advocate, it's not *just* the uniform.

I stopped sending my son's proper clothes to his father's when he went one weekend in December in his thick (and to be honest expensive) winter coat and wellies because there was a frost and came back in a jacket and trainers on the grounds that his father drives so he just put him in the car like that.

As his father well knows, I do not drive.

Due to his father working away, he wasn't going to have him again for two and a half weeks. I asked him to drop the coat and wellies off (he wasn't going away for three days), he refused. Two days later, as forecast, it snowed. Money is tight in our house and they were the only winter coat and wellies that he had, so I had to replace them, just before Christmas, which I could ill afford.

I have never again sent him in anything that costs more than a tenner (shoes aside) and I never, ever send spare clothes.

System

Top_Girl wrote: »

I stopped sending my son's proper clothes to his father's when he went one weekend in December in his proper thick (and to be honest expensive) winter coat and wellies because there was a frost and came back in a jacket and trainers on the grounds that his father drives so he just put him in the car like that.

As his father well knows, I do not drive.

Due to his father working away, he wasn't going to have him again for two and a half weeks. I asked him to drop the coat and wellies off (he wasn't going away for three days), he refused. Two days later, as forecast, it snowed. Money is tight in our house and they were the only winter coat and wellies that he had, so I had to replace them, just before Christmas, which I could ill afford.

What a poor excuse of a Father your ex is.:(

duchy

Judi wrote: »

and so it shouldn't.... after all he's your son too.

Not easy raising a child or even half a child on twenty quid a week though....difference in price between a one bedroom and a two bedroom property is more than that ...even before luxuries like food, clothes, heating etc

Claire212

Gigglepig wrote: »

OP i certainly would not provide a laundry service to anyone, but I might send clothes on the condition that the whole set used during one stay is returned clean and ironed the following stay. If the NRP failed to return all items in clean condition I would just say NO. Although it would be very hard to sit back as it would impact your son, the NRP would soon see that you mean business and that you are not a laundromat, and hopefully address the situation themselves. You shouldn't need to parent the other parent, take a step back and let them get on with finding their own solutions.

Thank you so much for this post!

As you will all be aware, it is Friday. My son is preparing yet again for a weekend at his fathers and an overnight stay that he does not want. He will be returning after school picking up his PE kit and UNIFORM and travelling to his grandparents by bus. Having his tea and then going to his Dad's when they finish work. I have always said that I will provide him with a uniform.

However, I have made it clear that this shall be the last time I will be doing this. If my ex does not wish to provide a uniform for his son then he will have no option but to return him on Sunday as my son requested or Monday morning before school so that he can collect his things and change, in good time so that he is not late, which means he needs to drop our son off at 7.30 at the latest (He leaves at 7.50).

I appreciate the views on this forum, but I have decided to take a stand. My son looks up to his father, and I am not going to sit back and let my son think that this is OK behaviour from him. Because it is not. My son is unaware of what has happened in the past and the who did what to whom. But I can not sit back and as the quote above says 'parent the parent'. I have had enough.

I will not teach my son that one parent should do the washing, ironing and care providing, and the majority of the finances, while the other can sit back, pay a small amount of what is required to bring up a child, and still put away all his nicely washed and ironed clothes before heading to the park for a fun day out and ice cream. Parenting is parenting not all cinemas and theme parks.

I hate the phrase "I pay maintenenance". It goes through me. It's alright my ex telling our son that he pays, but there is no comparison of what it costs. Our son compares what we buy our daughter and him. My guess is that he believes that we spend HIS money on her. When this is not the case. It is bad parenting from hs father, and shouldn't be used. It is misleading. If he was honest and said that he couldn't afford it then at least we were on the same par. Paying maintenance does not give him access to everything I buy, after all he doesn't let our son bring anything home that he buys him, he never has, but our son takes stuff here and there and everywhere. Sometimes he tells us, sometimes we find out it''s at his Dad's when we look for it to use. Does he bring it round for us? No.

Perhaps many will still think this petty and believe that I am doing it out of spite. I have come to realise that I am doing it out of frustration. It I don't do something about it, then the situation will get worse.

Thank you everyone for your views on this forum, it's been interesting. :beer:

poet123

This thread is misleading, the issues you have are nothing to do with uniforms.

puppypants

I brought up three children on my own, with not one penny for maintenance from my ex husband - ever!! £96 for one child sounds a fortune to me!

HappyMJ

poet123 wrote: »

This thread is misleading, the issues you have are nothing to do with uniforms.

Agreed......