Woulld you expect ex partner to have a school uniform?

meer53

My daughter goes to her Dads every other weekend (it's getting less now though as she's wanting to go out with her mates, she's 13) and i've always sent an overnight bag with clothes in. They always come back, usually worn and needing a wash. She's never kept clothes at her Dads as she wants them here for her to wear. I've not had any maintenance for the last 2 years but have never asked him to supply school uniform. If he doesn't offer, i'm not going to ask, i'd rather manage on my own. The less i have to do with him, the better.

What makes me laugh is that the OP has 4 spare sets of uniform but wants her ex to buy another ! I don't know anyone that has a set of uniforms for every day !

bright_side

meer53 wrote: »

I don't know anyone that has a set of uniforms for every day !

:eek: My children always had a set of uniforms for every day - except for sweatshirts. I liked to know that on a Sunday night they had a whole weeks worth so I didn't have to worry about getting them dried and ironed during the week (lazy :rotfl:). I always managed to buy them in true MSE style though - sales/glitches - so never spent a fortune. When my youngest son finished school in June, he had 22 pairs of trousers and 18 school tshirts :eek: because he didn't really grow much/wear them out and I always bought a few new at the beginning of the school year :rotfl:

Claire212

meer53 wrote: »

My daughter goes to her Dads every other weekend (it's getting less now though as she's wanting to go out with her mates, she's 13) and i've always sent an overnight bag with clothes in. They always come back, usually worn and needing a wash. She's never kept clothes at her Dads as she wants them here for her to wear. I've not had any maintenance for the last 2 years but have never asked him to supply school uniform. If he doesn't offer, i'm not going to ask, i'd rather manage on my own. The less i have to do with him, the better.

What makes me laugh is that the OP has 4 spare sets of uniform but wants her ex to buy another ! I don't know anyone that has a set of uniforms for every day !

Glad it amuses that I work hard and provide for my son so that I can afford to buy him Jumpers/Trousers/Shirts for everyday. I do this as my partner also wears the same to work, I also have a toddler. Because I have a set for every day of the week I can wash my partners and sons in 3 washes, dry them, iron them and put them away. Leaving the washer free for my toddlers little mishaps and so that I am not constantly laundering clothes like a washer woman. I can do what I want with my money. He spends his on himself and won't entertain buying his son any clothes. I provide him with a laundry service as well. Pardon me if I think that is taking the p**s a little.

As well as the uniform I provide my son with day clothes too. He has nothing at his fathers. I have no problem with providing them for my sons convenience, but as other ops have said. It can really get up your nose, because although 'two' parents have PR for a child. One parent ultimately has to bare the financial brunt of raising them. And that can become an issue. Even if those PWC provide uniform/clothes deep down they know they are p****d off with the situation. But they carry on. As you have to. But they still think it.

I wonder if he had put up a post, something along the lines of.. I am a Dad having my son for the weekend, my ex had told me to buy him a uniform so we have a spare in emergencies, I told her where to go! I pay £xx she can pay for it out that. What response would that have got?

Just because I can afford to buy it in the first place seems to be my downfall. If he even paid for a pair of socks I would consider it a bonus. But alas I feel I will never get anywhere with my ex. No matter how many times I voice how unfair it all is. Which I have to do every now and again to keep myself sane.

LiveLoveLaugh

My SD stays with us two school nights one week and then over the weekend the next, we have extra uniform and clothes for her here so she doesn't have to mess around carrying clothes about with her and also so that when she gets here with a mucky uniform on the first night I am not in a mad rush to get it washed, dried and ironed for the next day, she can just wear the one we have here.

We also pay for her travel and school dinners on the days she goes to school from here too.

My husband pays maintenance but it just makes life easier for us to do it this way rather than be arguing over whose got whose clothes at whose house and who should be paying for what.

We see it as she has two homes, we want her to feel like this is her home just as much as her mums so she has the things that a home has, clothes, toys, books all of which are here and she doesn't have to bring them from mums.

Celina83

I've read this thread with interest as I was in a similar position.

My daughter stayed at her dads every other weekend & 1 night during the week. He paid maintenance to cover the childminder costs & nothing else, which I accepted as the bills were approx. £900 a month. Clothes etc. I paid for myself but I still sent her off to her dads with her overnight/weekend bag of clothes & toys which were returned unwashed!

Well my daughter started school a few weeks ago & I paid for the school uniform, coat etc. I too wanted sufficient clothing to last the week so I bought 5 polo shirts, 2 skirts, 1 jumper, 1 cardigan etc. I also thought it made sense for him to have a set of uniform at his (I'd buy it but he contribute to it) but that suggestion was met with distaste. I'd pushed for him to change our arrangement to 2 nights a week, so there was no way he was going to agree with this as well. So what I decide was for him to start with x1 polo shirt, skirt, tights, socks, knickers & vest & we go back & forth so he would always have a uniform at his i.e. when she arrived at his on Tuesday night he had a uniform to use for the next morning & the dirty uniform she came home in, he would wash/iron ready for when she stayed on the Thursday night for the following morning.

The only issue now is the weekends. It was his weekend last weekend & he insisted that I provide clothes for that. My daughter can just about carry her book bag, lunch box & day water bottle to school, let alone a weekend bag as well, it just isn't practical. The thought of him just having a few bits at his is alien to him, so I had to make sure I went home on Friday evening, packed a bag of clothes & wait for him to pick it up so that he could dress her. If he thinks I'm doing this every time it's his weekend, he has another thing coming. Now is that me being unreasonable??

Understandably we are renegotiating maintenance as childminder costs are considerably reduced now she's at school & I know that will turn into another argument!

Also bare in mind I pay for OUR daughters birthday & Xmas presents too but that's certainly going to stop!

Sorry for hijacking your post Claire but my point is, I do sympathise ...

coolcait

Celina83 wrote: »

I've read this thread with interest as I was in a similar position.

My daughter stayed at her dads every other weekend & 1 night during the week. He paid maintenance to cover the childminder costs & nothing else, which I accepted as the bills were approx. £900 a month. Clothes etc. I paid for myself but I still sent her off to her dads with her overnight/weekend bag of clothes & toys which were returned unwashed!

Well my daughter started school a few weeks ago & I paid for the school uniform, coat etc. I too wanted sufficient clothing to last the week so I bought 5 polo shirts, 2 skirts, 1 jumper, 1 cardigan etc. I also thought it made sense for him to have a set of uniform at his (I'd buy it but he contribute to it) but that suggestion was met with distaste. I'd pushed for him to change our arrangement to 2 nights a week, so there was no way he was going to agree with this as well. So what I decide was for him to start with x1 polo shirt, skirt, tights, socks, knickers & vest & we go back & forth so he would always have a uniform at his i.e. when she arrived at his on Tuesday night he had a uniform to use for the next morning & the dirty uniform she came home in, he would wash/iron ready for when she stayed on the Thursday night for the following morning.

The only issue now is the weekends. It was his weekend last weekend & he insisted that I provide clothes for that. My daughter can just about carry her book bag, lunch box & day water bottle to school, let alone a weekend bag as well, it just isn't practical. The thought of him just having a few bits at his is alien to him, so I had to make sure I went home on Friday evening, packed a bag of clothes & wait for him to pick it up so that he could dress her. If he thinks I'm doing this every time it's his weekend, he has another thing coming. Now is that me being unreasonable??

Understandably we are renegotiating maintenance as childminder costs are considerably reduced now she's at school & I know that will turn into another argument!

Also bare in mind I pay for OUR daughters birthday & Xmas presents too but that's certainly going to stop!

Sorry for hijacking your post Claire but my point is, I do sympathise ...

BiB. Yes.

When a parent's post(s) is heavy on 'I' and 'me, and 'we' (as in the parents), then that often suggests that the posts have more to do with the relationship between the parents. Much less to do with what is best for the child.

Reasonable adults can make sure that there is always a uniform available to the child, no matter where the child is staying overnight. And this can be achieved without one parent having to have a full uniform for every school day, and the other parent having at least one full uniform too.

Considering the forum that we're all posting on - how 'moneysaving' is it to have a full uniform for every schoolday in the week, plus expecting someone else to have at least one full uniform?

Celina83

coolcait wrote: »

BiB. Yes.

When a parent's post(s) is heavy on 'I' and 'me, and 'we' (as in the parents), then that often suggests that the posts have more to do with the relationship between the parents. Much less to do with what is best for the child.

Reasonable adults can make sure that there is always a uniform available to the child, no matter where the child is staying overnight. And this can be achieved without one parent having to have a full uniform for every school day, and the other parent having at least one full uniform too.

Considering the forum that we're all posting on - how 'moneysaving' is it to have a full uniform for every schoolday in the week, plus expecting someone else to have at least one full uniform?

I agree when you say it could be more to do with the parents relationships, but I always put my daughters needs first.

I wasn't asking him to pay for his own uniform, I was asking him to contribute to what I paid for, of which he was expecting to use also.

And your comment of us being on a Moneysaving forum - point taken but I personally don't have a full school uniform for everyday. I have enough polo shirts for everyday & the other bits need to be washed during the week. I made a point of looking at Asda, M&S, Matalan etc. for the best offers on the bits which don't have a school logo before purchasing the uniform.

When one parent does more for a child then the other, I feel there is always going to be some resentment! I'm always going to make sure my daughter has everything she needs, shame I can't say the same for her father!

FBaby

I am a Dad having my son for the weekend, my ex had told me to buy him a uniform so we have a spare in emergencies, I told her where to go! I pay £xx she can pay for it out that. What response would that have got?

I think I would have been wary of the bit in bold. Who gives any one the right to tell the other parent what to do? To suggest with good reasons yes, but to tell? In your case, you don't seem to have good reasons, yet you seem to think you can tell your ex what he should do without him having the right to tell you where to go.

Even if those PWC provide uniform/clothes deep down they know they are p****d off with the situation. But they carry on. As you have to. But they still think it.

Indeed, but we move on because it doesn't do the children caught in the middle any favours to have one harbouring constant bitter feelings towards the other. So we know you are a great mother and your ex is rubbish when it comes to responsibility. Unfortunately, you chose him, so have to accept some responsibility for it. You can also look at it that he has helped create your son and you wouldn't have him without him, so that's something. My ex is worse than yours when it comes to responsibilities, haven't received a penny in maintenance for years and I pay for the children to go and see him. Yes, I do hold all the feelings you mention, but I swallow them because fighting with him has never brought any positive outcome for anyone, it only makes things worse and it is just not worth it. He is NOT going to change for my benefit now when he didn't when we were together.

Claire212

coolcait wrote: »

BiB. Yes.

When a parent's post(s) is heavy on 'I' and 'me, and 'we' (as in the parents), then that often suggests that the posts have more to do with the relationship between the parents. Much less to do with what is best for the child.

Reasonable adults can make sure that there is always a uniform available to the child, no matter where the child is staying overnight. And this can be achieved without one parent having to have a full uniform for every school day, and the other parent having at least one full uniform too.

Considering the forum that we're all posting on - how 'moneysaving' is it to have a full uniform for every schoolday in the week, plus expecting someone else to have at least one full uniform?

I consider it money saving to buy all 5 sets. I can wash my partners at the same time so it saves on washing. (Which the saves me money soing 3 washes instead of 6 every week. They also last much longer as they are not being repeatedly washed. I buy them early on in the year in the next size up, usually on sale. Many people do this as a way of saving money there is not a one way or the highway approch to moneysaving!

peachyprice

Claire212 wrote: »

I consider it money saving to buy all 5 sets. I can wash my partners at the same time so it saves on washing. (Which the saves me money soing 3 washes instead of 6 every week. They also last much longer as they are not being repeatedly washed. I buy them early on in the year in the next size up, usually on sale. Many people do this as a way of saving money there is not a one way or the highway approch to moneysaving!

Ok, we've established, strangely or not, that you have 5 full sets of uniform, but you are only sending him to school from yours 4 days a week. If you feel so strongly about your sons not having to schlep uniform about why can't you send the 5th, spare set, to his fathers?

Can you not see how incredibly petty it is to be in possession of more sets than you actually need and still expect his father to buy a 6th set?