Woulld you expect ex partner to have a school uniform?

HappyMJ

Dumbe wrote: »

I'm sorry but I would disagree with most of the other posters.

Maintenance is reduced based on the number of nights the Child spends at the nrp's.

Therefore the Nrp should provide everything needed during that time e.g toys, clothes, food, school uniform etc.. That normally means two sets of clothes two sets of bikes, xboxes etc..

Whatever the father has bought should be returned at next visitation , so the uniform should go back the next time ironed etc.. Like wise anything that the child is wearing when visiting the Nrp must be return clean at the first opportunity

(or a the very least returned next time dirty for the parent who bought it) .

But if you haven't done this from the beginning I am not sure how you would change now as you have created an expectation that you will provide stuff for when your child is at his other home, changing may cause too much animosity.

Does your son have nothing at his other home? How is it his home then? Surely if he goes swimming wants to ride a bike with friends those things should be provided by the parent in whose home he is residing in for that day.

Effectively your son has two homes and it's not right if the other parent provides nothing for his child at that child's home.

If you have your child for 4 out of seven nights you should provide for everything for that time, the parent with 3 days should provide everything for those 3 days or why would the maintenance be reduced based on nights ( food is a small proportion of what a child costs overall)

The way CSA works is that child support is payable by the NRP to the PWC even if there is 50/50 shared care. So for your method to work well there should be no CSA payable by the NRP who has 7 nights a fortnight in a shared care case and is paying half the costs of bringing up the child directly by buying all clothes, toys etc whilst in the care of the NRP. It's much better having a private agreement anyway in a 50/50 shared care case and avoid using CSA. That private agreement might include splitting the Child Benefit in half and paying child support to each other so that no parent is considered the PWC or the NRP.

duchy

This assumes there is the finance available to buy two Xboxes, bikes etc and that both parents are both still living at roughly the same income/expectation bracket.

I can see some logic in this if a parent lives a long distance from their child but what is the sense if the child lives ten minutes away -surely better lessons can be learned such as "Little Jonny can have an XBOX at each home -or he can carry it to a fro freeing up the money that would be spent on a second XBOX for something else his little heart equally desires" Keeping everything seperate to me says two parents who are incapable of co-operating let alone co-parenting and most kids would prefer parents who can do this

.

Dumbe wrote: »

I'm sorry but I would disagree with most of the other posters.

Maintenance is reduced based on the number of nights the Child spends at the nrp's.

Therefore the Nrp should provide everything needed during that time e.g toys, clothes, food, school uniform etc.. That normally means two sets of clothes two sets of bikes, xboxes etc..

Whatever the father has bought should be returned at next visitation , so the uniform should go back the next time ironed etc.. Like wise anything that the child is wearing when visiting the Nrp must be return clean at the first opportunity

(or a the very least returned next time dirty for the parent who bought it) .

But if you haven't done this from the beginning I am not sure how you would change now as you have created an expectation that you will provide stuff for when your child is at his other home, changing may cause too much animosity.

Does your son have nothing at his other home? How is it his home then? Surely if he goes swimming wants to ride a bike with friends those things should be provided by the parent in whose home he is residing in for that day.

Effectively your son has two homes and it's not right if the other parent provides nothing for his child at that child's home.

If you have your child for 4 out of seven nights you should provide for everything for that time, the parent with 3 days should provide everything for those 3 days or why would the maintenance be reduced based on nights ( food is a small proportion of what a child costs overall)

balletshoes

Dumbe wrote: »

I'm sorry but I would disagree with most of the other posters.....

Whatever the father has bought should be returned at next visitation , so the uniform should go back the next time ironed etc.. Like wise anything that the child is wearing when visiting the Nrp must be return clean at the first opportunity

(or a the very least returned next time dirty for the parent who bought it) .

so how does this proposal alleviate the child having to still take clothes back and forward on visits to his Dad? With your idea, he'd still be doing that? And then theres the possibility of further resentment because "dads" clothes aren't returned clean/aren't returned on time, similarly "mums".

I think it makes far more sense for the child to be sent with whatever clothes they need. If the NRP wants to have clothes there for them to change into and keep there, great. If not, no big deal.

maman

As with many similar threads, this isn't about uniform but about OP's on-going bitterness that her ex gets an easy life because she has the responsibility (financial and otherwise) of bringing up their son and he hasn't.

If you separate the question from the bitterness then it makes the uniform matter look ridiculous. If the boy was going to stay with a friend or grandparents would OP expect them to provide uniform? Of course not, he'd go in his casual clothes and take uniform with him. Next day he'd either put his non-uniform in his bag or some arrangement for collecting/returning made between adults.

The child doesn't need two wardrobes of clothes. What he needs are two parents to behave like adults over the 'staying-over' arrangements.

sacha28

My oh pays £200pm in CSA payments and his daughter is still sent down for visits with NO clothes other than what she has on. This annoys me, what is he paying for?! When she came down at the beginning of august for 2 weeks she appeared to have had a growth spurt since feb and we had to buy a whole new wardrobe.....knickers, trousers, vests, trainers, wellies you name it we bought it. Is it really too much hassle to pack a suitcase (one of which she was bought by her aunt especially for her visits)

I think you are being unreasonable, he already pays maintenance which should be used for things like uniforms and such like.

iammumtoone

I do now see that clothes can easily to taken from one place to the other. I admit I do not have to buy extra clothes for son to be able to take them to his dads. However a school uniform could be viewed differently depending on how many OP owns, If another one needs to be purchased so there is a 'spare' to allow one to go back and forth, maybe it is reasonable to ask the father to contribute.

I also think it depends on the reason the child is now staying on a school night, if it is at the fathers request and an extra uniform needs to be purchased then he should pay, but if the mother requested the change maybe she should?

twigpig

If he was going to put on jeans and a t-shirt, I'd send it with him, so it's the same if it's a school uniform that would be needed.

If he was staying with a grandparent, you'd probably have sent it with him and not thought twice about it

Seems a bit daft for either of you to buy extra things for your child that aren't needed. Sorry if that wasn't the answer you'd hope to see......

peachyprice

iammumtoone wrote: »

However a school uniform could be viewed differently depending on how many OP owns, If another one needs to be purchased so there is a 'spare' to allow one to go back and forth, maybe it is reasonable to ask the father to contribute.

I also think it depends on the reason the child is now staying on a school night, if it is at the fathers request and an extra uniform needs to be purchased then he should pay, but if the mother requested the change maybe she should?

But in the case of the OP there's always going to be one to go back and forth, the only time this will not be necessary is the first weekend after the ex buys the entire uniform, every weekend from thereon it will be back at the OP's, redundant, doing nothing, until the following weekend, at which point it will still have to be taken on the Sunday night, ready for the Monday morning.

It's a complete waste of money. The child will have two set of uniform at his mothers for 6 days out of 7 and it will still have to be taken to the fathers on the Sunday. It makes no sense.

ilovelondontown

I had this problem when I was the kid in this scenario. Except I used to live with my dad and visit my mum.

Both parents had little income to purchase extra uniform so when I stayed at my mothers, she would simply wash and dry it over night. Where there's a will there's a way.

Claire212

I have read the whole thread and I still believe that my point is valid. I did only ask a question and sometimes the nastiness and judgment on this forum goes too far. Pity.

I will clear up one or two points. When I say Uniform I mean a full set of the whole lot. Shirt, Jumper, Trousers, PE kit etc.

As his father does not, as many of you say, provide him with ANY clothes my son has to take the weekend clothes with him also.

He is at present having to come home on the friday to collect his clothes, PE kit and books for the following monday. Get on a bus and travel to his Grandparents, as they look after him until his father finishes work. If his father provided him with a uniform then he could just take his clothes and books with him in his school bag and save himself the journey home. The school clothes would then be alternated.

His father will not compromise on the day, and I believe that it would be better for our son if he did this. However, I will provide him with everything as his father has said no. I am not being petty in anyway.

I think I have a right to ask. He has a right to say no. I know that it comes to what people can afford. But £96 does not go far, and I appreciate that yes I have already brought him a uniform that he could use. But he knows that maintenance can not be specifically for any cost.

Whenever I bring something up he just uses the same excuse. When a NRP pays maintenance (and I know that I am lucky to get it. Even if it did take 3 long years) does that mean the end of their financial responsibility?

Would it be unreasonable for me to ask for him for half a school trip? Or for him to buy the birthday cake for his sons party?

Just because uniform and clothing may be regarded as neccessary things and that have already been purchased does not mean that we are being petty/neurotic or OTT or are even full of resentment.

Personally I think the B*****d is being petty in his answer!

As I always say to my son....if you don't ask you don't get. He got an Iphone4 from his Dad on his birthday...did he buy the cake I asked? No, because he pays maintenance.