Woulld you expect ex partner to have a school uniform?

poet123

Could the uniform he is wearing not be washed by his father/grandparents whilst they have him over the weekend?

iammumtoone

Claire212 wrote: »

As I always say to my son....if you don't ask you don't get. He got an Iphone4 from his Dad on his birthday...did he buy the cake I asked? No, because he pays maintenance.

Yes you are correct you did have the right to ask. All NRPs seem to view maintenance differently, it would be nice if there were come guidelines of what this is expected to cover that parents could refer to in these situations. My ex does not buy son any Christmas or birthday presents as "hes pays maintenance!"

Claire212

His grandparents could wash and dry it. But they only have him for 2 hours till his Dad picks him up from work. His jumpers are wool with the school logo and can be damaged if not washed right. (As they have been in the past).

I have 5 pairs of trousers, 5 shirts and 5 jumpers. I buy them and I expect them to last. It is economical in my house to so this as my other half wears suits and it can all be washed together in 3 washes. It is more that I expect him to be able to provide a PE Kit and a spare uniform. I don't think that's unreasonable. He can wash the one that I send him in. But last time he was free running in the playground he split his trousers. His Dad made him wear his jeans with a note. I then had to buy a new pair of trousers as he had thrown them out.

I still maintain that where 2 children live in 2 houses they should always have spare clothes kept there. Including uniforms. For emergencies. 13 year olds are a little more sensitive than 7 year olds who could go to school in their PJ's and not care! Some do on certain days.

Claire212

Iammumtoone. I agree. It would be good to have guidelines. So many NRP think that paying a small amount of maintenance absolves them of any other financial matters. I have had it with that excuse. When we try and tackle the situation we are accused of being petty and nerotic, told to get a grip and move on.

But what if your ex demanded that he be given a christmas present that you purchased for your son to open on christmas day. Because he paid you maintenance and had a right to it. Ridiculous and in my view it's the same thing in principal. I think it's because clothes are necessary and we wouldn't dream of sending our children to school naked just to prove a point. Although it would certainly make it. Lol.

poet123

Claire212 wrote: »

His grandparents could wash and dry it. But they only have him for 2 hours till his Dad picks him up from work. His jumpers are wool with the school logo and can be damaged if not washed right. (As they have been in the past).

I have 5 pairs of trousers, 5 shirts and 5 jumpers. I buy them and I expect them to last. It is economical in my house to so this as my other half wears suits and it can all be washed together in 3 washes. It is more that I expect him to be able to provide a PE Kit and a spare uniform. I don't think that's unreasonable. He can wash the one that I send him in. But last time he was free running in the playground he split his trousers. His Dad made him wear his jeans with a note. I then had to buy a new pair of trousers as he had thrown them out.

I still maintain that where 2 children live in 2 houses they should always have spare clothes kept there. Including uniforms. Foe emergencies. 13 year olds are a little more sensitive than 7 year olds who could go to school in their PJ's and not care! Some do on certain days.

I am sorry, I have read all of your responses and it does just seem to me to be about what you think your ex should do regarding uniform and not actually about practicalities or your son.

In an ideal world perhaps he would have a spare uniform there, but what if it was there but did not get washed and your son then had to go into school in unwashed clothes? I would far rather my son went in clothes I knew were clean than stand on principle.

Although, I do think that trousers and jumpers can be worn twice, so as you have 5 of each why not send a spare set with your son and get him to leave it there?

Claire212

Poet123. I disagree with you. I think it is both. I most certainly do think that he should have a spare uniform, and I think that he should have these clothes at both houses. You are essentially absolving his father from any responsibility caring for his son and suggest that all things son related are handed on a plate while I do all the leg work. Of course we feel slightly miffed. I'm not ashamed to ay it.

If we did what you suggested then my son would have to come home, change into his clothes, pack his school bag with his PE kit, school books and uniform for the monday. Carry it all on a bus to his Grandparents. His Dad just picks him up nand has a lovely weeknend. Oh wait. That's exactly what is happening.

And if my ex sent my son to school in dirty clothes then he wouldn't have him AT ALL on a school night.

My son is going through puberty, plays football and free running at school and sweats like mad. I would certainly not send him to school in the same jumper. Like you say I would rather know that he is clean. We just have different views.

I suppose that I am of the argument that if he has him overnight on a school night at his request then he should take all the responsibility financial or otherwise of his care. Just because I have one does not mean I should give it to him as a spare! I will send him with a uniform to change into but feel that he should have one clean and ready to go.

FatVonD

Claire212 wrote: »

His grandparents could wash and dry it. But they only have him for 2 hours till his Dad picks him up from work. His jumpers are wool with the school logo and can be damaged if not washed right. (As they have been in the past).

Then he can stay in his uniform for 2 hours until his dad picks him up and then he can wash it over the weekend, jeez??!

daisiegg

FatVonD wrote: »

Then he can stay in his uniform for 2 hours until his dad picks him up and then he can wash it over the weekend, jeez??!

I don't quite understand why this isn't an option either...

FatVonD

Claire212 wrote: »

He is at present having to come home on the friday to collect his clothes, PE kit and books for the following monday. Get on a bus and travel to his Grandparents, as they look after him until his father finishes work. If his father provided him with a uniform then he could just take his clothes and books with him in his school bag and save himself the journey home. The school clothes would then be alternated.

But after the first week he will STILL have to do that as he will come home on the Monday night to your house wearing it so you will still have to send it back the next time?

FBaby

I most certainly do think that he should have a spare uniform, and I think that he should have these clothes at both houses

You might most definitely think something but he doesn't and that's where the problem lays. He clearly doesn't think that an extra uniform is required, just as most posters here also seem to think, however, because YOU think it is, you consider that your ex is not reasonable or acting responsible.

You are essentially absolving his father from any responsibility caring for his son but suggesting that all things son related are handed on a plate. They can just enjoy the day then

This is where the sense of bitterness comes from. It's not about what he gets away with, it is about what he considers appropriate which is different to your point of view. It's his money and if he doesn't think that it is necessary to buy another uniform, then that's his right and doesn't make him irresponsible.