Woulld you expect ex partner to have a school uniform?

FatVonD

Claire212 wrote: »

But what if your ex demanded that he be given a christmas present that you purchased for your son to open on christmas day.

I've actually done that. Not because it was demanded or because he paid maintenance (because he doesn't) but because I didn't want my son not to have a present from his dad and doing the right thing for your child is what it should be about.

balletshoes

is it me being thick here?

Its a Friday til Monday morning Dad has his son. So if Dad does have a school uniform and PE kit for son at his house, that uniform and PE kit will be going into school on Monday morning with son, so Dad won't have said uniform and PE kit at his house anymore.

So OP, do you mean that son would, on Friday (I guess he has PE on a Friday?) go in his uniform with his PE kit to grandparents then Dad's, and Dad would then take the responsibility for washing and ironing the uniform and PE kit that he arrived in, and keeping it at his house for next time its needed as a clean kit? Whats the difference between that, and Dad just washing/ironing the uniform and PE kit on Friday when he collects son, and having it ready for him on Sunday night, to put on Monday morning?

Son would still need to take his casual clothes with him on Friday to school, to take on to his Dads. So what difference does it make if he packs a spare uniform too, if thats what you'd prefer he has?

poet123

It is clearly not about the carrying of the uniform or convenience for your son. You simply want to insist that another uniform is bought by his dad whether it is needed or not. Clearly, with 5 of everything another set is not needed.

I also suspect few children have 5 jumpers, or wear a clean one every day if they wear a clean shirt, shower every morning and change clothes when they get in from school. Two, or three at most is quite sufficient.

Claire212

He has PE on a Monday Morning. No other time. His Dad has him for tea on Thursday. Return the PE kit when he is picked up. Same would be with the uniform if he had a spare. My son would have the option of either coming home and changing/going straight to his fathers/ going out first instead of having to go straight to one place or another. Slightly more freedom.

Perhaps there is bitterness. And sometimes that is unavoidable. But I hate then I pay maintenance card. So what? I pay for everything that mantenance does not pay. And for what? So that he can buy X Box games and I phones that I can't afford to get him, so that he can be the fun parent and go out for days out. Sometimes the financial burden of having children is stressful not to mention the emotional burden, We are only human.

So on my own time I call call my ex what the heck I want. I don't say it in front of my son.

Why is it so unreasonable for him to buy his son a uniform regardless of the reason. He hasn't brought one in 7 years. Perhaps I was asking to much.

But I certainly don't have the good heart to give him a present from his Dad on christmas day because of what is best for the child. I don't think that is the best thing to do. Sets them up for a fall later in life when they find out. But I respect your decison. Were all different in our views. Some are nicer in saying them though.

duchy

sacha28 wrote: »

My oh pays £200pm in CSA payments and his daughter is still sent down for visits with NO clothes other than what she has on. This annoys me, what is he paying for?! When she came down at the beginning of august for 2 weeks she appeared to have had a growth spurt since feb and we had to buy a whole new wardrobe.....knickers, trousers, vests, trainers, wellies you name it we bought it. Is it really too much hassle to pack a suitcase (one of which she was bought by her aunt especially for her visits)

I think you are being unreasonable, he already pays maintenance which should be used for things like uniforms and such like.

So he is paying £6.60 per day for his child.......(£200 a month)
What is he paying for ? Rent or mortgage contribution for the extra bedroom she occupies, food, hot water, school uniform , stationary, entertainment ,transport to school etc etc Getting quite a good deal really it seems -I suspect if he lived with the child she'd be costing him a heck of a lot more !!

Sounds like Mum felt the same if she sent the child in just the clothes she stood up in to force him to buy her some clothes tho. A child growing from Febuary to August is pretty common though and most children require summer clothes for August and winter clothes for Febuary last time I checked. Hope you didn't tell her off for growing !!!

FatVonD

Claire212 wrote: »

But I certainly don't have the good heart to give him a present from his Dad on christmas day because of what is best for the child. I don't think that is the best thing to do. Sets them up for a fall later in life when they find out. But I respect your decison. Were all different in our views. Some are nicer in saying them though.

Why would he ever find out? I'm certainly not so bitter that I'd ever tell him.

candygirl

If my ex partner wore a school uniform, he'd look like Billy Bunter:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

iammumtoone

FatVonD wrote: »

Why would he ever find out? I'm certainly not so bitter that I'd ever tell him.

He will find out because sooner or later it will stop, you don't say how old you son is but until what age do you intend to carry on buying the presents, I am nearly 40 my dad still buys me a Christmas present. When the presents suddenly stop your son will wonder why.

FatVonD

iammumtoone wrote: »

He will find out because sooner or later it will stop, you don't say how old you son is but until what age do you intend to carry on buying the presents, I am nearly 40 my dad still buys me a Christmas present. When the presents suddenly stop your son will wonder why.

It was only the once, the first Christmas after we split up, his dad is MOslem and didn't, at that point celebrate Christmas, he's got the hang of it now!

maman

Claire212 wrote: »

His grandparents could wash and dry it. But they only have him for 2 hours till his Dad picks him up from work. His jumpers are wool with the school logo and can be damaged if not washed right. (As they have been in the past).

I have 5 pairs of trousers, 5 shirts and 5 jumpers. I buy them and I expect them to last. It is economical in my house to so this as my other half wears suits and it can all be washed together in 3 washes. It is more that I expect him to be able to provide a PE Kit and a spare uniform. I don't think that's unreasonable. He can wash the one that I send him in. But last time he was free running in the playground he split his trousers. His Dad made him wear his jeans with a note. I then had to buy a new pair of trousers as he had thrown them out.

I still maintain that where 2 children live in 2 houses they should always have spare clothes kept there. Including uniforms. For emergencies. 13 year olds are a little more sensitive than 7 year olds who could go to school in their PJ's and not care! Some do on certain days.

:eek::eek::eek:

IMO that's far more uniform than is necessary but it's your money and your choice what to spend it on.

BUT, it makes your insistence that his dad buys even more, wasteful and petty IMO.