Stashing money to leave.........

Mrs_Weasley

:rotfl: thanks savvy boy did that make me laugh:D

Will be giving that a go!!!

Thanks aitch! I've already given up a shift at work so i am now at home 4 evenings out of 7, i have to say its alot better!

Well yesterday was an absolute nightmare........thanks to my mum, we really just do not get on. It feels like she is trying to have me bring my children up the way she brought me up and really do not want to do that, i do not have a single memory of her saying she loved me or having a hug or cuddle with her i would like my children to have these memories and to know they were/are loved when they are older:D


But then i have spent most of my life being told/called ........ i am fat (he still talks to my tummy! and i am not fat just a bit cuddly:D ) short a**e (until i pointed out i couldn't actually do anything about my height!) married the wrong man, bought the wrong house, live in the wrong area, wrong decor in house, wrong school for kids, wrong names for kids!!!!!, DS should have short hair!, aargh! the list is endless :mad: BTW the car is OK:rotfl:

After saying this though i have come to a time in my life where at 42 (nearly) i do not have to put up with this, SIL said yesterday its been along time coming so even she has noticed!, without falling out with her i am going to try and take back the self esteem she has taken away for all those years... and believe me this is going to be a tough on:rotfl: OH was walk in the park compared to this task:rotfl:

Thanks mrs w xxx

Mrs_Weasley

Oh does anyone know how to change the title....peeps keep thinking i'm still stashing money to leave:rotfl:

bertiebots

I dont know hun.....but you can delete (using the edit button) your post and change it to say that your not leaving iyswim xx

Mrs_Weasley

bertiebots wrote: »

I dont know hun.....but you can delete (using the edit button) your post and change it to say that your not leaving iyswim xx

NO i didn't swym .... but i've just twigged:rotfl: off to do that now!

Savvy_Sue

I can change the title for you, I think.

'Stashing money to leave ... but then I changed my mind'?

aliasojo

Idiophreak wrote: »

Just a general comment, not really directed at the OP, but am I the only one that finds the idea of "stashing" money like this really....wrong...

Either you want to be in the relationship or not...If you don't, sticking around and gradually stealing money (whether it's your own or not..) until you can "afford" to leave just seems...horrible, I guess.

(I know, of course, there are people in violent relationships etc who don't have much choice..)

I think people's views on this may well be tailored by their own experiences? Those who have had strong relationships may find doing something like this distasteful whereas those who have already been through a separation, or have a partner they don't fully trust for whatever reason, might be more inclined to see the positives in doing this.

Imo...EVERYONE, men and women, should consider having some sort of personal back up financial plan in place, as a safety net for a change in circumstance.

People budget for all sorts of changes in their lives....raising a deposit for a house, paying into health insurances in case they become ill, paying into a pension to help them live when they are older and unable to work. Why is this any different?

I'm sure the majority of people dont go into relationships lightly and most will be fully committed but no-one knows what's around the corner and if people had a 'stash' / 'emergency fund' / financial back up, call it what you will, then perhaps there wouldn't be so many children from broken homes having to live in completely unsuitable accommodation simply because of lack of cash.

I think a lot of people feel that wanting to have a financial safety net is somehow giving the (false) message that they are not committed to the relationship and it's for this reason, that so many people have to squirrel away money secretly. I may be in the minority but I think it's actually a wise thing to do........especially if there are children involved.

I also dont accept that it's stealing. Both parties in a relationship (usually) make personal choices every day on what to spend their money on. If one chooses to put away a small amount of money every week instead of spending it...why is that any different to someone else spending money on cigarettes each week? The smoker is taking money from the pot for their own personal use.....is the other party not allowed to do the same? The only difference is that the other party chooses to save it.

It's always good to be positive and optimistic in life, but to not consider or plan for something which you hope will never happen but are aware it might....is just not good. Again....imo. We all need to be less emotional and more practical and see things for what they are without adding any hidden agendas into them.


*goes off to find very old post office savings book with around £2.75 in it.*:rotfl:


Btw Mrs Weasley...glad things are working out better for you now. :T

Mrs_Weasley

thanks savvy.. give it a go!!!

thanks also...aliasojo you put it better than i could have:rotfl:

Had a bad day monday really really grumpy...then i realised i'd forgotten to take my chill pill Even the kids call it that:eek: its only st johns wort:rotfl: but it works for me:rolleyes:

off to pick kids up, work then another parents evening, tea then bed (if i don't come on here!!!)

thanks mrs w xxx

Primrose

Only switch to online banking/saving if you can be 100% sure that when you leave and set up in your new home you have both a computer and an internet connection from Day 1, otherwise you will be totally frozen out from your savings. Egg have an online facility but I believe you can also deal with them by post and telephone, so check first before setting up a savings account.

Mrs_Weasley

Its all arranged .........DD and i are having a girly day on Monday...we are going to the white rose shopping centre :T I ahve managed to save some money so she can have some new clothes....and for the first time ever she is going to choose them :eek: We are also going to have a girly lunch, i am hoping she will want to go to debenhams but its more likely to be MACS:eek: so long as we can have a good talk i don't suppose it matters though!!!! One of the mums at school has said she will pick DS up, so we don't have to rush back either :T

Well i am going to have to say it ......this is the best school holiday we have EVER had!!!!!! It has been really fun and very enjoyable i can't believe it
I didn't want to go to work, and normally i can't wait i used to dread the school hols...not any more, although i do realise its only the first one since all the changes in our life, hopefully its the first of many:T

Have felt a bit guilty over the last couple of days because i can't take them trick or treating tonight....DS's friends mum is taking them for me, OH is going to be hiding upstairs...he hates anything like this, i do know he really should make an effort for the sake of the kids but he has always been like this so i suppose i am used to it.....We've been very OS and are using their outfits from last year, ahve to admit i bought them a size bigger so they would last another year :rotfl:

Hope you all have a scarey halloween!!

mrs weasley xxx

Mrs_Weasley

I'm back:o
To put it politely it's all gone 'pear shaped':mad:

Mr w has gone back to pre "i am going to leave you if thigs don't change" talk i ahe to say, if possible, worse :eek: The only good thing to come out of "the talk" is that he is still showering regularly and changing his underwear and socks daily!!!

I have looked back over the last 12 month and realised it started going down hl after the 6 week school holidays! As usual i ahve stuck my head in the sand and carried on regardless saying it will be fine! That was until the big snow falls, the car broke and it was not economical to repair so we were car~less for a couple of weeks....did he help, did he have any useful suggestions or ideas....NO! Nothing, he went to work (short time), he ate, he slept, oh and he watched tv:eek: Me on the other hand ... bus to work,bus home (2 hours there and back and 4 buses:eek:)come home let dog out,set off straight away to walk to school 1 1/2 miles pick kids up walk home, down to friends to drop her son off and DD up walk home! Do the budget for all the household expenses as he is on short time and i only did half my shifts, batch cooking, shopping did that online but he complained about that!(i was going to walk to supermarket with trolley in the snow)Then to top it all i had to find another car and dispose of the broken one!

Sorry to rant!

Anyway for some reason i came back on to MSE and ended up reading Juliffs thread and i noticed a lot of similarities between her husband and my OH, i think reading it made me realise i do not have to put up with his behaviour!

So it will be a long slow process but i am going to have to stash and leave! Will post more later kids want tea and he will be home soon (jury service...but thats another story)

thanks for listening