Stashing money to leave.........

meester

RoxieW wrote: »

Lol - I'm getting worried now! Are you sure we're not married to the same man??
Seriously though - football seems to be my OH's number one priority too and it sounds like something he'd do and I'd go mad at! I tolerate his love of football though because its really his only passion in life. I love fashion, he loves football. Just call us posh and becks eh!
It sounds like alot of things have built up and your not getting any 'nice bits' to make up for it. Someone once said to me that to keep a marriage going takes a whole lot of love and a whole lot of romance. I try to remember that and make the effort to keep things loving and fresh. 8 years on we're more in love than ever.
I really hope you can sort it out - think back to what it was you liked about him in the beginning. Try to have some time alone - dates etc, even if its just watching film together in the house. It would be a shame to waste all those years together. That said, if you cant get it back then get out. It would be just as much of a shame to waste any more years on a man you dont love!

I think this is fairly normal TBH. My wife's friend's husband sound similar, doesn't look after the kids (took his son to a smoky pub, came home, the kid's nappy was dirty, hadn't been changed), spends the money on booze, dope and football, irresponsible, poor at money management, and controlling.

But she's just had another child with him, reality is I guess that not every man is going to be Mr. Wonderful, a majority probably far from it (poor communication, irresponsible, lack of romance, whatever), but then life is far from perfect, what are you going to do? People have a choice: you can choose to enjoy the good bits of your relationship and your family, or you can decide you've had enough, but will you be happier, is the alternative really better, have things changed , or have you just made up your mind that you've had enough? It's in the woman's hands as much as the man's.

busiscoming2

Hi I haven't read every post, but here is a suggestion regarding renting somewhere half decent. When my marriage broke up (1995) I had an 8 and 5 year old and didn't work at the time, rather than try to get a council house I rented privately through a letting agent. The council paid the rent for me I think it was housing benefit. I obviously had to have the deposit, which my dad paid, but we got it back when I moved out. I know that even if you work and are on a low income you are entitled to housing benefit, so maybe its worth investigating any benefits you may be entitled to before you leave.

Good Luck

Mrs_Weasley

i'm thinking that if we spend some time together as a family and we see each other as a couple (evenings) it may just be what we need We have possibly spent too much time doing other things and don't know each other any more if that makes sense...... not very good at putting things into words sorry:o

Is it stealing though if its your money as well i had said to my SIL that it felt really sneaky doing it this way i also said that i felt guilty:rolleyes:

Anyway you lot have made me think again and i am looking at things in a different (SIL:D ) prospective and it feels goooooood am now looking at the positives.......came home from work and they were all upstairs reading a story.now thats a new one:T

I have been wondering if hes come on here and read this:eek: OR he has heard me talking to SIL but something has changed for both of us:T hopefully for the better

funny how asking one question has changed things in so short a time

am off to bed now shattered after late night phone call and i htink i need to be nice and fresh for our talk on saturday..thank god there is no MOTD:rotfl:

Mrs_Weasley

pingu wrote: »

you don't want much do you:rotfl:

i take it he is a quite man(doesn't have a lot to say)

yes very will only talk to someone if he knows them very well!

when you decide and have that talk make sure either of you are not drinking!

your idea isn't that stealing

nothing wrong watching man utd winning that cup:beer:[/quote]

no not really i got quite into it too but don't tell anyone:p still cross that he took time off for it though:rotfl:

SuziQ

Good luck Ms W-would be great if things work out and you don't have to take your original action,believe me being on your own is no picnic-though as others have said,preferable to being in a very miserable relationship.

k1mmie

I have to say that I admire you guys. This is a concept that I had never thought of. I was blinded by the concept of love lasting forever (i know foolish). My family have moved away and abroad over the years. I have 3 wonderful kids, eldest 19 and youngest 12. I have been married for 20 years this year. Though everything was fantastic, then the bombshell came. He wasn't happy blah blah blah...... We sorted it out, as although he had taken to speaking to someone else about his problems, when caught out he eventually came to his senses.

I am glad we worked through things and he has been great, but part of me says that I now understand why you guys do what you do. If he walked out or was kicked out tomorrow, I would have nothing and no money. SO next plan of action - open an account he knows nothng about - thanks guys.....

Mrs_Weasley

It's back!!!:rotfl:

BUT with a happy ending:j , i have already posted a thank you on a seperate thread, but i thought i would continue with this one as i really cannot believe we have sorted everything out Its like a whole new relationship, its fantastic... feel abit silly really cos i'm sat typing this with a stupid grin on my face

TBH it was not a very nice time, but i took the bull by the horns (no alcohol)told him what i had been thinking, how i felt and then told him i was planning to leave him ... i'd had enough etc so he walked...i held the door open all very calm...locked the door behind him, then after smashing his cup against the wall (now got a hole to fill:rolleyes: ) and smashing the fridge magnet that said "anyone can be a father it takes someone special to be a dad" with my rolling pin, i went to bed a nd slept:o He did come back the same night about 4am came to bed (not speaking) but the next day we sat down and really talked, like we have never done before and it felt really good !! I still can't believe it!!!

So hopefully because we are now working as a team we can get other parts of our lives sorted out ie. DS 7 year old with serious attitude and DD 6 year old copying DB:eek: with some fibbing/lies thrown in just to top him:eek: ,don't really know what to do about those problems yet but i will find a solution or is it a phase

So i am hoping to keep you all posted with the comings and goings in the weasley house of mayhem a happy house of mayhem now though;)

love and hugs (see all loved up now:rotfl: )

mrs w xxx

Debt_Free_Chick

OMG!!! I am so chuffed for you (and so, so envious - my ex and I are playing a Mexican stand-off at the moment. Who's going to crack up first and "make a move"????)

Please, please, please .... keep talking. Revel in the good times, but when you feel shaky, tell him. Please tell him.

I heard of a great Chinese proverb today ...... something like ... "when the flock is startled, the birds fly in different directions"

I took that to mean that when a relationship is troubled, each party goes off and does their own thing. But a relationship is about sticking together and focussing on joint goals.

I am so, so pleased for you ...keep at it. God bless you both - all of you

N71

Mrs_Weasley wrote: »

It's back!!!:rotfl:

BUT with a happy ending:j , i have already posted a thank you on a seperate thread, but i thought i would continue with this one as i really cannot believe we have sorted everything out Its like a whole new relationship, its fantastic... feel abit silly really cos i'm sat typing this with a stupid grin on my face

TBH it was not a very nice time, but i took the bull by the horns (no alcohol)told him what i had been thinking, how i felt and then told him i was planning to leave him ... i'd had enough etc so he walked...i held the door open all very calm...locked the door behind him, then after smashing his cup against the wall (now got a hole to fill:rolleyes: ) and smashing the fridge magnet that said "anyone can be a father it takes someone special to be a dad" with my rolling pin, i went to bed a nd slept:o He did come back the same night about 4am came to bed (not speaking) but the next day we sat down and really talked, like we have never done before and it felt really good !! I still can't believe it!!!

So hopefully because we are now working as a team we can get other parts of our lives sorted out ie. DS 7 year old with serious attitude and DD 6 year old copying DB:eek: with some fibbing/lies thrown in just to top him:eek: ,don't really know what to do about those problems yet but i will find a solution or is it a phase

So i am hoping to keep you all posted with the comings and goings in the weasley house of mayhem a happy house of mayhem now though;)

love and hugs (see all loved up now:rotfl: )

mrs w xxx

So glad to see a happy ending!!! Just make sure you keep the communication open and remember why you love each other.

Me and Ex got ourselves into a similar rut (7 years ago). After 12 years together and with 2 young children, for money/childcare reasons he started working shifts, and i started working evenings. For two years, we never saw each other!!! At weekends, i did kid stuff - he did football!! Before DD was one we'd drifted so far apart we didn't know each other any more and we split! We've come to far to go back now, and we're now both happy in new relationships, but I'm big enough now to realise what went wrong!!

I've been with new lovely OH for almost 5 years - and when I think that day to day life is getting on top of us, i remind myself why I love him! I've even sent kids to mums a couple of times so we can have a weekend to 'get to know each other' again, iyknim!!

And as for 7 year old with attitude problem - thats normal!!!

Mrs_Weasley

OMG:eek: i ahve just sat for 30 mins writing a post about geting my life back and doing what i want to do, not what other people (mum and DB) want/expect me to do...........and it disappeared:eek: !!!!!!!!!!!