Stashing money to leave.........

Mrs_Imp

Hi Mrs W

You're sounding a lot more positive, which I'm glad about.
I think it's fine for you to go see the Dr by yourself. It may be that he can recommend some help for you and your kids too - support groups etc. Don't forget that mentall illnesses affect more people than just the person who has it. If you decide to stick by him and he does have an mental illness, he will have good days and bad days. YOU will also have good days and bad days. A friend of mine gave me a good peice of advice (he works with people with mental disorders). When he's avoiding communicating with you it's because you're getting to him and making him think. His illness will be screaming out at him to run away from you and not listen. When you suggest getting help, he may get angry, but remember that it's the illness getting angry at you because it doesn't want to let go of him.

I know it sounds odd to think about mental illnesss as some sort of being, but that's the best way I can describe it. I have a friend who is two people - her, and her when her illness is in control. When her illness is in control she will hardly speak to me because her illness is afriad that I might change her and drive it away.

I think I'm rambling now, but I hope that some of what I say makes sense. Just make sure that you and your kids don't suffer as a result of this. Don't put up with violence, and don't let your mental health suffer.

Just remember that there are a lot of people on this site who will understand what you're gong through, so feel free to post about anything.

Mrs_Weasley

Mrs_Imp wrote: »

Hi Mrs W

You're sounding a lot more positive, which I'm glad about.
I think it's fine for you to go see the Dr by yourself. It may be that he can recommend some help for you and your kids too - support groups etc. Don't forget that mentall illnesses affect more people than just the person who has it. If you decide to stick by him and he does have an mental illness, he will have good days and bad days. YOU will also have good days and bad days. A friend of mine gave me a good peice of advice (he works with people with mental disorders). When he's avoiding communicating with you it's because you're getting to him and making him think. His illness will be screaming out at him to run away from you and not listen. When you suggest getting help, he may get angry, but remember that it's the illness getting angry at you because it doesn't want to let go of him.

I know it sounds odd to think about mental illnesss as some sort of being, but that's the best way I can describe it. I have a friend who is two people - her, and her when her illness is in control. When her illness is in control she will hardly speak to me because her illness is afriad that I might change her and drive it away.

I think I'm rambling now, but I hope that some of what I say makes sense. Just make sure that you and your kids don't suffer as a result of this. Don't put up with violence, and don't let your mental health suffer.

Just remember that there are a lot of people on this site who will understand what you're gong through, so feel free to post about anything.

Thanks Mrs Imp x

I do understand what you mean, i am willing to stay with him but only if we get this sorted out.
He has never been violent towards me, one wiff of that and me and kids are off...been there done that!

Sometimes i feel a bit silly posting but in away it helps, what with other carpy things that happen in everyday life and OH it, sometimes, gets on top of you, IYKWIM x

I am really lucky because i have Bertiebots who i speak to nearly everyday, i know a lot of people have no-one so i should thank my lucky stars x
mrs w xxx

Mrs_Weasley

Hi everyone hope you are all well

Re: relationship - everythings seems to be going well OH is trying really hard which is nice, and it doesn't feel 'strained' IYKWIM. He has had to take a night off work to look after the kids while i'm at work so he is taking them on a nature walk down by the river today

Also OH and i have been having lots of little chats, inbetween everyday activities, and he did make a comment that having no money really makes him feel depressed! Which it does sometimes doesn't i t? Well this got me wondering if a lot of his behaviour is down to depression. I know there are other issues and factors but if he's depressed maybe it is making his 'strange' habits worse! Eithe rway we still need to go to docs so i will make an appointment now we have the car back (docs is in next town).

Re: money - thats not going so well at all :mad:Oh finished his Jury service on the 3rd of Feb so 5-10 working daysfor expenses to come through. Car failed its MOT £200 plus worth of repairs:eek: and no money to pay for them so we haven't had the car since Saturday. Was expecting jury money to come through to pay for repairs, but life is not that simple is it? No jury expenses:eek: OH rang on Friday and they hadn't processed them, I rang on Monday and they had just processed them :mad: apparently they had been busy and then something cropped up!!!!! So it would be Thurday/Friday before expenses came through :mad: That meant i can only do half of my shifts lost half my wage :mad::eek: OH got his wage today ....£140:eek: This is NOT good :mad:

Anyway the expenses have come today:T so i have to get car to garage then bus to work and hopefully car will be ready tonight!!

Sorry i haven't posted for a while i ahve been reading a lot on other threads to try and get some more tips for frugilisation (sp?) We can then start to put some money aside, although with a wage like that ^^^ its going to be tough!!!

Trouble is when i say we are going to do this, which is every other week , something unexpected always happens and we never get chance to save for it!!!!!

What i am hoping is that if we do manage to save some money our relationship may get some breathing space, and we may be able to enjoy life, but if nothing improves then we hae some money put aside for which ever decision we come to.

Have a lovely day.

Mrs W xxx

Savvy_Sue

That all sounds very positive, even the bits that weren't IYKWIM ...

Will be thinking of you.

The other thing to say is that even if to begin with your DH is having to 'try really hard', he may find that over time the things he has to make an effort for become 'normal'. Even with depression, there is an element of if you act depressed, you feel depressed, whereas if you get out of bed and into the fresh air you may feel a bit brighter (and rarely any worse!)

DH used to be really quite 'odd' and 'difficult' when he was a teenager (yes I've known him that long!) and couldn't see the point of the kind of social interaction most of us regard as 'normal', eg how are you, did you see Corrie last night etc. He just wanted to get into deep theological debate with people, whether they wanted to or not! Because that was what 'mattered', whereas the chit-chat didn't.

Well, he's learned how to behave in polite company since then, and although he loves nothing more than a deep theological debate, he realises that it's not always appropriate and keeps his mouth shut!

cazzy0898

Hello, just had a read through the thread after searching for aspergers and we seem to be in near identicle situations. I've been considering leaving my OH for a few years on and off, but more so in the last year. After looking for many excuses and giving him chances someone suggested he may have aspergers. We've since been to our GP (joint appointment) and hes been referred for an assessment. She has told me that even if it comes back that he does have it - it is not something that can be stopped with medicinces, support groups should be available once an assessment is through,but if I can't put up with his behaviour now, that won't really change. She suggested that i contact relate as i may just be staying with him out of guilt (which is probably true).

We have two young children, hes not working but i don't trust him to look after the kids, so am getting into more and more debt due to paying all the bills along with nursery fees.

OH can usually go through a couple of days of being really well behaved, then it reverts tobeing miserable, eratic movements, drinking, disturbed sleep patterns - sleeping all the time, or not sleeping at all - snapping at the kids over everything they do (they're 1 and 4) and speaking really loudly (he doesn't realise he does this).

Anyway, not sure what i'm trying to get across other than think would your feelings change towards him if he were diagnosed?

Off to bed now but will be back on tomorrow (hopefully 5ish, otherwise much later again)

xx