Stashing money to leave.........

frostyspice

vaporate wrote: »

Women...so glad I'm staying single.

I'm glad you are too.

choille

Yeh - that would explain the rocking behaviour.

He does need help. Sometimes emotions can get stuck in childhood, but as you say if he won't get help from say an adult survivors group or counselling then there is little you can do.
He doesn't sound happy & you do need to talk. You have to set aside an evening without interuptions or kids & talk about everything.

alleycat`

The rocking back and forth might be a form of stress relief(?)
The chewing of the nails would also (to me at least) suggest that whatever you are asking is making him feel under duress.

I'm not suggesting you are doing anything wrong, btw, but it might be how he copes.

euronorris

The rocking and biting nails, as others have said, are both signs of distress. Something is weighing heavily on his mind (my OH does this when things become stressful at work). It's a shame he won't open up as he would probably feel a lot better and then everything could move forward. The fact that he refuses to try suggests that he's afraid of the fall out and/or doesn't want to move forward.

I'm sorry things aren't going great for you right now, but as you know, you can't force someone to talk things through with you if they don't want to (for whatever reason).

In my experience though, it's usually because they are scared of the feelings that it will bring to the surface for them. They've spent so long burying issues and not facing them, that the thought of facing them and all the emotions that come with them can be terrifying.

Are there any local support groups that he could go to? Maybe you could leave some leaflets lying around for him. That way he would feel it was his choice if he decided to act on the information provided in them.

Hugs. xxx

Mrs_Weasley

alleycat` wrote: »

The rocking back and forth might be a form of stress relief(?)
The chewing of the nails would also (to me at least) suggest that whatever you are asking is making him feel under duress.

I'm not suggesting you are doing anything wrong, btw, but it might be how he copes.

He rocks when he is watching tv ,listening to the radio etc alone . I have walked into the room and found him doing it! This is happining not when I try to talk to him but on a normal day to day . He will not discuss anything with me and just says "!!!!!! here we go again" and gets angry usually storms off.
I am calmly trying to keep the lines of communication open but nothing seems to work. Its all very difficult to explain but I am so fed up of trying .

choille

He is in distress - classic symptoms the rocking backwards & forwards.

Children also display this behaviour - it's an attempt to self-comfort.

You have 5 choices:
You either put up with this & things will probably remain the same.
You try & engage him in non-judgemental conversation - preferably while you are both alone - no kids, no telly, no interuptions or work stuff to rush out to.
You leave, or ask him to.

Savvy_Sue

I only make that 4 choices?

choille

You leave, or ask him to.

That's two choices - 5 in all - surely?

aliasojo

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I only make that 4 choices?

Lol, I thought that too.

choille

Sorry - meant to have judgemental or non-judgemental conversation - sorry!

You know what it's like - you can go in all guns blazing or you can sit down calmly & supportive - sometimes difficult to achieve & sometimes difficult to tell if you're fraught.