Stashing money to leave.........

Mrs_Weasley

Firstly i don't know whether i should be posting on here or moneysavers arms please feel free to move me

I have finally decided enough is enough and am, eventually, going to leave my OH. The problem is i do not want to up and leave to live on a grotty housing estate, there are a couple of nice ones but you can't get on them, and no offence meant to anyone:o . So my only option would be to rent privately, unfortunately money is tight, understatement:rolleyes: , so my plan is to stash money here and there, its going to have to be long term :eek:


Has anyone else managed to do this and actually leave ther OH/hubby/wife?

Hope it makes sense to someone out any advice would be gratefully recieved:D

Phew did it ............ without turning it into a full blown rant:rotfl:

miserly_mum

Mrs_Weasley wrote: »

Firstly i don't know whether i should be posting on here or moneysavers arms please feel free to move me

I have finally decided enough is enough and am, eventually, going to leave my OH. The problem is i do not want to up and leave to live on a grotty housing estate, there are a couple of nice ones but you can't get on them, and no offence meant to anyone:o . So my only option would be to rent privately, unfortunately money is tight, understatement:rolleyes: , so my plan is to stash money here and there, its going to have to be long term :eek:

Has anyone else managed to do this and actually leave ther OH/hubby/wife?
Hope it makes sense to someone out any advice would be gratefully recieved:D


If you are considering stashing money away long term things can't be THAT bad.

Surely its better to live on a "grotty estate" with your self respect and peace of mind than live with a man you I assume you no longer love or want to be with?

Mips

Switch to online banking only - plus change to online bank statements only, so he will never see one come through the door.

You can open a Savings account with the same bank, then when your money goes in you can stash some in the savings account... should he ever go to the bank with you card.. he will not be able to see where the money goes!

Good luck!

You can do this with HSBC - just switch your accounts online, pay some into savings or visa versa

Good Luck

mademoiselle_2

Quote; "Has anyone else managed to do this and actually leave ther OH/hubby/wife?"


Yes, I did! And I know exactly how you feel Mrs Weasley. It took me years to jump ship... I worried so much about how I would manage, and just like you I was haunted by the thought of ending up in rough housing somewhere,careworn and unable to escape. Having lived most of my adult life in a very nice period country property, I didn't know what 'stepping down' would be like.

You know what? DON'T WORRY. You WILL find somewhere nice to live. If you've made your present home nice, you'll be able to do so again - even more so, without having the drag of an unhappy relationship to contend with. Think about renting a flat - if you search hard, you will find somewhere in a good neighbourhood with nice neighbours. Or if money's really tight, think about renting a room in someone else's house. That really isn't as bad as you might think - the most surprising people rent rooms these days, times are tough. I had a friend who lived on the most palatial street in our town, in a fantastic futuristic house. But when her hubby left, she still had a mortgage to pay - so she rented out her spare bedroom.

You WILL be able to manage your money. Don't listen to the doom mongers! You will cut your cloth accordingly.


And you WILL, eventually, be able to carve out your own life. With FREEDOM. With Fun, doing the things you wanted to do. Your own friends. No criticism. Think of that!

Good luck!

Mrs_Weasley

I have already been to my bank, LLoyds, they can open a saver account but it will show up on my regular online banking, which he has access to, however SIL has found a government type saving scheme which i have yet to look at, but thanks, can't do hsbc we owe them the most ! I think that bringing children up in this day and age is difficult enough, without me having to worry about what they will be getting up to when they are older, i understand i cannot wrap them in cotton wool but somewhere which is fairly nice is a good start, if i told you where we live you would probably understand!Thanks mademoiselle at least i know its possible then and you sound VERY happy! GGRRRRRRR smilies aren't working!

No things are not bad bad........he isn't a drunk, or wife beater, he has not/isn't having an affair!??! etc etc. He is just a waste of space, sorry if it sounds harsh, i've crawled my way to 41, and life is passing by very quickly and a sthey say it is NOT a rehersal!

miserly_mum

Mrs W I know all about wastes of space, I was married to one for 13 years.

I kept putting off leaving him because I worried about money, managing financially etc and the kids. Like you I got to the "enough is enough" stage.

Unfortunately (or fortunately however you want to look at it) I was 7 months pregnant with 4 kids and very little money.

Yes it was a struggle for a while and we had to live on a grotty (ish) council estate......but the relief and contentment we all felt was brilliant.

If you bring your kids up properly (as i'm sure you do) and instill decent values in them it will stick with them. Regardless of where they are brought up.

Yes be sensible and have a few quid put by to get you started. But why prolong the agony any longer than is absolutely necessary. As you say life isn't a dress rehearsal. BTW i'm 41 aswell.

ellies_angel

I also managed to stash money away so I could leave my cheating hubby. My mum opened asavings account in her name. I gave her money each month which she stashed away for me.
This money was to cover the cost of my solicitor, but also so I could pay off the debt he ran up in my name. I knew once we split up I wouldn't have spare money to pay the morgage and day to day living expenses along with the debts.
I was aware that he was legally entitled to half of that money if he had known about it, but on the same time, I knew he would only agree to leaving if he left with no debt so i knew I would need to have money in order to do that.
Before anyone thinks he was ripped off, he left with all the equity, all the TV's, one of which was a 48" plasma screen he accidently purchased in my name, the computer plus the laptop (my birthday present from him) the family car, his motor bike, the alloy wheels he bought me for Christmas for my car, the washing machine, dyson.
I did get the house, although I had to remorgage it to pay him off, I got my car, older and cheaper and the furniture he didn't want.
But I got peace of mind. Priceless.

oh and the money I stashed covered the cost of the seperation agreement and the debt just.

Good luck, be strong, if you have a plan, a vision, just keep remembering that and you will do it.
xxx

Voice_of_reason_5

Mrs_Weasley wrote: »

Firstly i don't know whether i should be posting on here or moneysavers arms please feel free to move me

I have finally decided enough is enough and am, eventually, going to leave my OH. The problem is i do not want to up and leave to live on a grotty housing estate, there are a couple of nice ones but you can't get on them, and no offence meant to anyone:o . So my only option would be to rent privately, unfortunately money is tight, understatement:rolleyes: , so my plan is to stash money here and there, its going to have to be long term :eek:


Has anyone else managed to do this and actually leave ther OH/hubby/wife?

Hope it makes sense to someone out any advice would be gratefully recieved:D

Phew did it ............ without turning it into a full blown rant:rotfl:

Can you open an online account but instead of transferring money - that he can see, take it out in dribs and drabs in cash and pay it in to an easy online bank such as Nationwide, where you can pop into a branch on the high street with cash.

Maybe you're not ready yet, but I'd leave now. I know all about 'waste of space's' and my only regret is I didn't leave sooner as lifes too short! Good luck.

Symbeaux1

My Sister has no problems within her marriage, but due to familial circumstances she has witnessed, she has always maintained an 'escape fund' so I can understand the long term basis of the op's question. Her fund has been financed gradually and she is secure enough to know that she can cope if thrown into a situation where she is along with her children. I wish I'd had the forethought to do it myself. BTW she is still happily in the relationship, but never presumes it will always be so.

Debt_Free_Chick

Mrs_Weasley wrote: »

I have finally decided enough is enough and am, eventually, going to leave my OH. The problem is i do not want to up and leave to live on a grotty housing estate, there are a couple of nice ones but you can't get on them, and no offence meant to anyone:o . So my only option would be to rent privately, unfortunately money is tight, understatement:rolleyes: , so my plan is to stash money here and there, its going to have to be long term :eek:

Do you and OH currently own or rent? If you own (albeit with a mortgage) I strongly suggest you do not leave the joint property. Whist you have certain rights, they are practically impossible to enforce if you're not there.

Mrs_Weasley

Thanks everyone for your support and suggestions:D

Although i have decided to leave i am not going to rush, mainly because i know i am absolutely [EMAIL="!!!!"]!!!![/EMAIL] with money so i would like to know that i have enough for a deposit, couple of months rent and some spare!

Unless something drastic happens i am quite happy to poddle along! We lead fairly seperate lives anyway cos he works nights, i work t times we only see each other on saturday and sunday afternoons and a couple of hours when i've finished work!

I don't know what to do about the house, we are paying of mortgage arrears at the mo and i am sure if i left with the children he wouldn't pay it anyway!

Sorry if i'm going on but i tend to waffle a bit:rolleyes:

i do know it will keep you amused and/or flabbergasted with some of his antics:rotfl: