Stashing money to leave.........

Tashja

Hi Mrs W

I am sorry you are in this position but I think you are being very sensible getting some money behind you before you leave.

It might be worth asking on the DF Board about the mortgage and what would happen if you left and get some advice on that matter.

I think the more planned and organised you are the easier it will be on you and any hildren you have.

((hugs))

T xx

Debt_Free_Chick

Mrs_Weasley wrote: »

I don't know what to do about the house, we are paying of mortgage arrears at the mo and i am sure if i left with the children he wouldn't pay it anyway!

Do you have any equity in it? If so, remember that some/half/whatever of that equity is yours (assuming you've financed it jointly).

You want to protect that and the only way to do that is to stay there.

If necessary, you can get an Occupation (Court) Order to allow you & the kids to stay there and force him to get out. If you keep saving now, perhaps you'll be able to manage to finance the house without him. Anyway, he would be required to make payments to you for the kids (assuming their his, too) - either voluntarily or through the CSA.

If you're in no rush, plenty of time to save - and do some research

Mrs_Weasley

thanks chick! i am one of them there peri menopausal axe weilding women too:rotfl:

Don't think there is much equity in the house, but whatever there is would be best put towards the debt:o

Don't really want to stay here i was going to try and get back to my roots and near my mum and brother, they live about 5 miles away or 2 towns!

i have asked my brother and his wife to buy a house for me to rent (they are better off than me) but i think that was a little bit of a dream but at least the seed is planted:rotfl:

Biggles

Mrs_Weasley wrote: »

I have already been to my bank, LLoyds, they can open a saver account but it will show up on my regular online banking, which he has access to

I assume your current account is joint?

We have a joint account with LloydsTSB and each have a separate online banking ID. Our savings are, for tax reasons, in Mrs Biggles's name and they are only visible when logged in through her ID with her password. Only the current account is visible when I log in with my own ID.

They will open an individual account in your name and, if you haven't got one already, will give you your own login ID. Only thing to make sure of is that you can opt out of paper statements (if you are still receivng them for the joint a/c).

Mrs_Weasley

Biggles wrote: »

I assume your current account is joint?

We have a joint account with LloydsTSB and each have a separate online banking ID. Our savings are, for tax reasons, in Mrs Biggles's name and they are only visible when logged in through her ID with her password. Only the current account is visible when I log in with my own ID.

They will open an individual account in your name and, if you haven't got one already, will give you your own login ID. Only thing to make sure of is that you can opt out of paper statements (if you are still receivng them for the joint a/c).

its not a joint account but his wage is paid in so he knows the log in details, lloyds said they coul open savers account but it would show up with my other account! SIL has sent me a link to a credit union in local area so i am going to look into that xxx

Timmne

I know I don't know enough about the situation and, being a man, will probably get lynched for this, BUT:

Why are you just upping and leaving this guy? Don't you think it's a little unreasonable taking his money and his kids when you feel ready to go?

I have no idea what this bloke's like but am assuming he's not abusive or anything as you'd have left by now if he was.

As a human being and a father, no matter how you view him, he still deserves to be able to see his kids and know that he's going to be well and truly left in the cack whilst you go on your little jolly?

Sorry to go against you lot but I can't help but feel you've reached a point in your life (the middle) where you're thinking about just you, you and you.

January20

Timmne wrote: »

I know I don't know enough about the situation and, being a man, will probably get lynched for this, BUT:

Why are you just upping and leaving this guy? Don't you think it's a little unreasonable taking his money and his kids when you feel ready to go?

I have no idea what this bloke's like but am assuming he's not abusive or anything as you'd have left by now if he was.

As a human being and a father, no matter how you view him, he still deserves to be able to see his kids and know that he's going to be well and truly left in the cack whilst you go on your little jolly?

Sorry to go against you lot but I can't help but feel you've reached a point in your life (the middle) where you're thinking about just you, you and you.

HIS money and HIS kids? which century do you live in? And she never said he wouldn't have access to his kids did she? Just that she wanted to leave him! She is planning to go a few miles away only too. Why shouldn't she if he doesn't make her happy and their relationship has completely broken down?

As you say, you have no idea what this bloke is like! We are not here to judge the OP on what she is doing but to give her advice if we can and we wish to!

Sometimes you have to think about you first because if you are a happy, fulfilled individual then you are more likely to make the other people in your life happy too.

Debt_Free_Chick

Timmne wrote: »

I know I don't know enough about the situation and, being a man, will probably get lynched for this, BUT:

Why are you just upping and leaving this guy? Don't you think it's a little unreasonable taking his money and his kids when you feel ready to go?

I have no idea what this bloke's like but am assuming he's not abusive or anything as you'd have left by now if he was.

As a human being and a father, no matter how you view him, he still deserves to be able to see his kids and know that he's going to be well and truly left in the cack whilst you go on your little jolly?

Sorry to go against you lot but I can't help but feel you've reached a point in your life (the middle) where you're thinking about just you, you and you.

Very brave and very right of you to voice these issues.

As a middle-aged, peri-menopausal irrational woman I genuinely do see your point of view. We are completely impossible to fathom out :rolleyes:

All I would say is that "there are two sides to every story" and that even menopausal middle-aged women do not contemplate such action unless they are "hurt", "afraid" or .... more likely in my experience .... have "had their self-esteem beaten to a pulp". In which case, we're hurt and afraid, in any event.

We are not as cold and calculating as we might seem. We might post about the financial practicalities but we are being just that ... practical.

It really is good of you to post. When I left my OH (hurt, very very afraid and with a self-esteem of minus one thousand) ..... he phoned three local EAs and got the house valued. He never once expressed his hurt, fears, disappointment or desire to make things right. He just wanted "his money"

To all men ........ please, please, please ...... if you love your partner, FOR FCUK'S SAKE ..... leave her in no doubt about the way you feel. We're fragile little flowers .... no matter how tough we might seem, when the chips are down.


Good for you Timmne. You can pour your love on me anytime you need to :eek: :eek: :eek:

Timmne

January20 wrote: »

HIS money and HIS kids? which century do you live in?

Well, this one?

I don't know where you're going with that comment. I earn and so does my OH. If she left with any money out of the joint account it would be my money, in as much as it's joint and therefore both of ours to decide on its fate.

I guess the OP isn't self-impregnating so they're probably his kids too.

I just think that (and I'm bearing DFC's post above in mind) that it's the OP who's decided to just up and leave (for whatever reason) and that the kids and the man are going to suffer, because she deems it the right thing to do at the time.

Maybe I'm just a little traditional but I would definitely have rathered my parents tried to work through any rough patches than just run away from each other because they "don't like it any more" (it's hypothetical BTW).

Frith

I saved money in my desk drawer at work for about a year. The ex used to give me £1.50 a day for sandwiches so I just stopped buying sandwiches...

I did dip into it from time to time to buy birthday cards for my friends and so on (secretly as I wasn't allowed any friends) but had over £100 saved by the time I went to a refuge.

I don't think you can get an occupation order if you just go off your husband though, if he is not violent?

Liz