Stashing money to leave.........

Mrs_Weasley

don't know why but felt the need to go into hysterical laughter...maybe peri menopausal syndrome:rotfl:

I am not saying he can't see his children...... he can, and i am certainly not taking his money cos we ain't got any! What i put away will be a minimal amount over along period! if in that time mirical of mirical he does sort himself /us out then so be it and i will stay put and we will have some spare money!

Believe me i would dearly love for it to work out because he is not a BAD person, but after 9yrs of having THE talk every 6 months and things improving for a week then going back to 'normal' i can't keep doing that for the rest of my life!

Timmne

Have just thought OP - have you tried Mystery Shopping? A great way to get a few extra pennies in!

Mrs_Weasley

OK background info needed then you can make your own up your own minds as to whether i am 'off on a jolly'!

10yrs ago left a mentally and physically abusive releationship ( no kids ). Stayed at a @friends for about a year during which met OH on blind date. At 36 he had never had a proper girlfriend or lived with anyone. he then asked me to move in with him, which i did........ went down hill after that and the things that have happened have been over a 81/2 - 9 yr period........

just after moving in accused me of having affair with oh of friends i lived with, i did not, but he still went on a vodka bender.

8wks after having DS i found out he was planning to throw me out so he could move in with my 'friend' who's house i had stayed at..they never slept together but had become very close and concocted a plan!

should have left then!

moved house DD arrived 13 months after DS

got computer and then found he had been on porno sites!he didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with that


he got made redundant and didn't make an effort to get a job until 6months after redundancy money had run out. Hence mess we are in now with mortgage!

he has got ajob now working nights and it has definately gone down hill rapidly since.

he goes to bed between 7 and 8am gets up at 3.25pm when i come from school with kids, i go to work he feeds the kids everyhting has to be ready for their tea cos he can't cook! I come home from work and make our tea, he then spends rest of evening laid on settee til 9pm when he gets ready for work, its like that 5 nights a week. weekends saturday he is at home with kids while i'm at work but he doesn't take them to the park or anything
i come home play with kids etc make tea, he then spends evening laid on settee watching tv, sunday i go to parents with kids he stays in bed til i wake him at 1pm ish but doesn't get up til 2ish! i make tea bath kids he goes to work etc.

he can't drive, doesn't decorate, can't diy, doesn't do gardening although he does cut grass! he can't cook, has only been bathing kids 1 night a week:eek: (they are in bed when i come in from work) i do weekend bath.

Is that enough so far:o I am sure other things will spring to mind later off to get him up now its monday he has an eaxtra lie in:mad:

Debt_Free_Chick

Talk to him .... !!!!!! .... talk to him.

What about counselling? I know men don't do it (boy, oh boy, do I know that .... ) but it's worth a shot.

We all have issues. We all have insecurities and fears. We all want to be loved. We're all afraid of being loved and allowing ourselves to "give our all" to another.

!!!!!! .... talk!

Good luck, my friend

January20

Timmne wrote: »

Well, this one?

I don't know where you're going with that comment. I earn and so does my OH. If she left with any money out of the joint account it would be my money, in as much as it's joint and therefore both of ours to decide on its fate.

I guess the OP isn't self-impregnating so they're probably his kids too.

What I mean is that it is not his money or her money. It is their money and their kids because they are married and therefore a partnership where they are (aren't they?) supposed to be sharing everything! That is where I was going!

timmne wrote:

I just think that (and I'm bearing DFC's post above in mind) that it's the OP who's decided to just up and leave (for whatever reason) and that the kids and the man are going to suffer, because she deems it the right thing to do at the time.

Maybe I'm just a little traditional but I would definitely have rathered my parents tried to work through any rough patches than just run away from each other because they "don't like it any more" (it's hypothetical BTW).

That is because you haven't spent your childhood with parents who would have massive rows. If you haven't lived that (I have) then you cannot understand how sometimes it is better to have one parent happy than two parents whose arguments will remain with you forever!

I agree with you on the Mystery Shopping though. Fun and gets you out of the house but it sounds like Mrs W has already got her hands full.

pandas66

Timmne wrote: »

Have just thought OP - have you tried Mystery Shopping? A great way to get a few extra pennies in!

and with this idea in mnd how about ebay?

I bet theres lots of kids toys and clothes that are too small or winter now its summer. This could all go in an online account or paypal. If you have time in the day to sell and post out items.

Wish you well.

RoxieW

Lol - u could almost be describing my OH!
The porno sites - not nice but fairly normal (my OH does) - now chat sites is a different matter! I draw the line at 'real' people.
My hubby doesnt cook, clean, DIY, decorate etc. He also takes a back seat with the kids, will leave things where they drop, wont take the kids to the park on his own initiative etc.
I don't get your issue with the laying on the settee until 9pm. He's fed/bathed/got the kids to bed I'm assuming? Surely he's allowed to have some relax time before he goes to his night shift?
My OH is also a lazy bones outside of his job. He comes home from work and just expects to relax.
To me this stuff - apart from the plan to run away with your friend!! That is totally wrong!! - isnt that much of a big deal. But then I guess the difference is that i adore my OH and have accepted his faults as part of who he is. We all have them afterall! And as well as his faults he's also loving, funny, gorgeous, generous, a great Dad, fab in the sack, hardworking (at work not at home!!) and we have some shared interests.
Sounds to me that you've fallen out of love for whatever reasons. You should give counseling a go thought (assuming he's no longer chasing other women - in that case he's be out of the door!). Who knows, you may be able to get back whatever you saw in him in the first place. And with kids involved I think one last shot would be a good idea.
If not, be upfront with him. He doesn't sound like a monster to me (unless I'm reading it very wrong). Tell him you want out and sort money issues out between you.
Good luck.

CB1979_2

wait a sec

let's hope he doesn't do a list of your faults (don't get me wrong, he sounds like a right numptie! lol) but it does all look bad how you've written that, but what about you?

also you keep blaming him for your financial difficulties, yet openly admit you're !!!!!! with money so assuming you contributed to them problems too.

do you also trust yourself if you're skimming money away each month not to spend it?

you also say you need cash for a couple month's rent & deposit on a nice estate, how much is that going to cost?

i'm guessing at least £2500, so approx 2 years @ £100 per month, yet you're skint paying off arrears and you reckon you're going to be able to do that without him noticing??

if so, he really is thick! lol

ps nice one TIM on the back up, thought i was in here on my own fighting the evil man-hating wenches of MSE (assuming you're a bloke)! lol

Savvy_Sue

The Credit Union has advantages and disadvantages - their interest rates may not be the best (I think ours pays a dividend rather than interest as such), BUT they are probably the safest way to borrow money when you don't have any. You can possibly get cheaper rates elsewhere, IF you have a good credit rating.

You say you've had 'the talk' every month and things only get better for a week or so. But does he know you're seriously planning to leave? Would that rock his attitude? Would going to Relate together help? Is it not worth a try?

Mrs_Weasley

was just about to post last night and a mum from school rang didn't get off the phone until 11.45pm:eek:

adding to list - took 2 days of work (didn't tell me until 2hrs before he was due to leave!) when man utd were playing final game of season:mad: then 2 weeks after that he took 3 days of when man utd were playing chelsea in that cup thing (again didn't tell me until same day):mad: what really made me cross was that the week after the kids were off school and i had to ask one of the mums from school to have them!!!:mad: :mad: I am very sorry but surely our children are the priority NOT football!


I am not saying i am perfect as no-one is.....are they;)

I wasn't blaming him wholly for our financial situation i was saying he didn't go and get a job after he got made redundent hence mortgage didn't get paid, the rest is BOTH our faults!

I did say i was [EMAIL="c@rp"]c@rp[/EMAIL] with money we both are, that is why i come on MSE and am slowly learning, i just wanted to know if anyone had actually managed ito save and leave:rolleyes:

The problem with the tea time routine is he DOESN'T bath the kids every night just once in 5 days:eek: which i don't think is enough on the other nights he doesn't even wash their hands and faces:eek: on top of that he doesn't even give them a bedtime cuddle or kiss...but is that a mum thing:rolleyes:

Anyway after reading my post again and all of yours i think i will be having a talk with him at the weekend and see if we can resolve some issues! but where does it go after that if he reverts back to his usual self trouble is when we have these talks i forget the things i want to say:rolleyes:

Think thts hope i've answered everyone!