Stashing money to leave.........

bertiebots

I know one of your biggest concerns is the housing issue and found this website ...gives a brief description of the help they provide but the links to the local offices dont work. There is an e mail address and phone number . :doh::think:Maybe you simply dont need to stash as much as you think...which I think might be prolonging the agony:wall:.But then I know you need to get your head around all this too which takes time.

http://www.housingjustice.org.uk/hjchas/index.htm

Mrs_Weasley

Thanks Bertie i will have to look into that....if you will come with me please

Re the car, we had to ask his parents for a loan to buy another, he didn't want to but i explained to him that if we don't have a car i cannot do all my shifts therefore less money. But now i have ben left with the task of finding the extra money to pay them back. So far have been ebaying but that hasn't gone according to plan nothing sold for what i thought it would:mad: Typical!

Re jury service i think he got the letter in October and up until starting last week he has been as miserable and moody and grumpy with all of us!
Also because he didn't explain to the court baliff that we needed the expenses (hardship?) i am trying to cover 2 weeks without his wage on top of in laws money for car!!!

My point is i shouldn't be doing this all on my own it should be a team effort.

He has now taken to lying on the settee every night as soon as the kids are in bed most of it nodding off so there is no conversation nothing (could be why i'm back on here having virtual conversation:rotfl:)

Also he has started sitting on the edge of the settee biting his nails and rocking !!!!!!!

All of it added together is driving me nuts and i am getting angrier by the day....if i try and talk to him about things he just says " !!!!!! here we go again" and usualy walks off. Which reminds me he has started swearing (and i mean the really bad words) in front of the children its not a regular thing but once is too often IMO!

Last week he left the house every day at 6am ish to get to the court and i could not believe the difference in the children and me there was no tv on, DD and DS sat at the kitchen table with me after their breakfast and talked and laughed no shouting or grumping ready for school with 45mins to spare :T It was so calm and happy IYKWIM. Of course i understand these things don't always go smoothly but i dealt with any problems in a very calm quiet manner and DD and DS have listened to me:T Normaaly there is alot of shouting and then crying. For example this morning he was at home until 9am and DD wasn't eating her brekkie (even though she had only jst sat down at the table) and he spun round slammed his hand down ont he table and shouted in her face to eat her breakfast i did tell him that there was no need for that but the damage was done DD was upset!!!

My point is i shouldn't be doing everything on my own it should be a team effort.



So yes i am going to start saving no more buying silly things for the house etc.
Don't have to buy the children any clothes they have plenty at the mo and my mum buys them ALOT

My main money saver will be to stop smoking! I have been trying to do this on and off for years but i know i really have to do it now not only for the money, if it going to be just me and the kids my health is important! If i haven't left it too late!!

Mrs w xxx

choille

Well you say he said that if things don't change he's threatening to leave - why not just let him?

Mrs_Weasley

Choille sorry i meant i would leave, doesn't seem to be that easy though not with the kids and all.

to be honest i need to read back through the whole thread. i honestly thought after i had threatened to leave with the kids he really would try i know i have xxx

choille

He sounds fed up & the 'rocking' is a sign of distress - not that I've read the whole thread when I saw the date on the start of it.

Do you not ask him what's gone wrong - ask him why he is so fed up & not pulling his weight? Or is it all fault finding - don't mean that to sound off but you know what I mean. Is he just getting your flack & withdrawing into his self & therefore doing less being even more anti-social?

Savvy_Sue

Sorry to hear this - and now you need to go back and edit your first post again ...

Presumably he will not leave, even if you tell him the marriage is over?

aliasojo

I don't know what to advise tbh, but I'm sorry things haven't stayed positive.

Dontknowanymore

Hi
I just wanted to add something about the council estate business.
Nowadays, I think most or alot of councils let properties on a bidding system, so you actually get to choose where you live.
I'm moving to a refuge and in all the areas I've researched, they all offer this choice based lettings system, so all I'm saying is don't discount the social housing idea, you know if things get too much.
Hope you get it all sorted x

vaporate

January20 wrote: »

HIS money and HIS kids? which century do you live in? And she never said he wouldn't have access to his kids did she? Just that she wanted to leave him! She is planning to go a few miles away only too. Why shouldn't she if he doesn't make her happy and their relationship has completely broken down?

As you say, you have no idea what this bloke is like! We are not here to judge the OP on what she is doing but to give her advice if we can and we wish to!

Sometimes you have to think about you first because if you are a happy, fulfilled individual then you are more likely to make the other people in your life happy too.

As in running with HIS kids?

What women do best.

Would be nice to hear the guys side of the story. Time and time again the female is portrayed as the saint here and the guy the born evil.

You should meet my brother and his gf. All she does is moan no matter what he does. The guy can't go for a crap without having a negative commentry about it.

Women...so glad I'm staying single.

Mrs_Weasley

Choille - a few things have happened over the last 10yrs that are not 'normal' behaviour in a relationship, i have tried having talks with him as i have not wanted to split up, i have asked him what is wrong asked his opinions etc he just doesn't seem to have any answers! The rocking (and chewing nails at same time) has been going on for a while, i have asked him why he is doing it he says he is cold?

Savvy - first post edited thanks, i don't think he would leave he is of the opinion that he is the main wage earner (!) its his house.

Dontknowanymore - re council estates, Bertie and i had a look yesterday at LO website and we discovered the change, don't understand the bid system will have to look into that. Thanks for the info.

I have tried to explain what happens in our relationship and it does come across as though i am nagging but i do go out of my way NOT to do this, i don't even shout when i am frustrated with him, unless we are talking about mundane things like the weather he completely shuts down. We have no physical relationship in anyway shape or form whatsoever and emotionally he is incapable of giving me or the children any support. Alot of the problems in our relationship I think are caused by his traumatic early childhood(long story) and despite me trying to help him get help he refuses . I dont think he is willing to accept or recognise that a lot of his behavour is not normal ...whatever that is. As a result we all are suffering.

Mrs w xxx