Stashing money to leave.........

valkirn

choille wrote: »

He is in distress - classic symptoms the rocking backwards & forwards.

Children also display this behaviour - it's an attempt to self-comfort.

You have 5 choices:
You either put up with this & things will probably remain the same.
You try & engage him in non-judgemental conversation - preferably while you are both alone - no kids, no telly, no interuptions or work stuff to rush out to.
You leave, or ask him to.

1
2
3
4......... yup 4 choices x thats what i counted anyhoo xx

valkirn

ooops cross posted sorry xx

choille

I had typed a message & posted but it vanished & then just quickly did another.

So I apologise. I was just trying to say that the OP has choices & as she had before - she has to go down one route or stay the same.

bertiebots

How are you today hun?

Savvy_Sue

choille wrote: »

I had typed a message & posted but it vanished & then just quickly did another.

So I apologise. I was just trying to say that the OP has choices & as she had before - she has to go down one route or stay the same.

Not to worry. I wondered if you'd been interrupted and whether Choice Five was something super-duper which we'd all want to hear. And your 'judgemental or non-judgemental' options does make it five, and it makes perfect sense, sometimes being reasonable just doesn't get the message across, does it?

And this is only half-joking, I wondered if Choice Five might have been "Get him sectioned."

He sounds seriously mentally unwell. He is having outbursts in front of and against the children, even if he isn't violent. He is refusing to seek help. I doubt if he is sectionable, but in the OP's position I would want to talk to his GP. I know the GP couldn't say anything sensible back, and that the GP can't force the patient to go and see them, BUT flagging up that he is so unwell might give some options.

Mrs_Imp

Sounds like he is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). From my experience of people with mental health issues, things can be very up and down. They can live an apparently normal life for months or years at a time, but then will encounter some form of trigger - build up of stress, flashback etc which can set them back. A friend of mine is Bi-Polar, and with the help of medication lived completely normally for about 3 years. He moved in to his own flat, and went downhill quite quickly. He's lucky in that he's aware of his problems and has been seeking help. Some people refuse to admit there is a problem until they have reached rock bottom.

I strongly recommend that you seek out a support group for yourself. Being a friend or carer of someone with mental health issues is very hard.

choille

I did wonder also about C-PTSD - complex post traumatic stress disorder which is not uncommon in adults who have had a traumatic childhood. Because it makes many stuff their feelings deep down as there was often no help when they were kids they kinda bottle it up & it explodes out in drips & drabs. Also if he senses that the Op may leave he may be experiencing extra stress.

Bi-polar sounds not unlikely as well, but he would have to go to his GP & often people living with these conditions don't 'see' the need. It's up to those close to them to gently guide them towards their GP who will be able to access them or refer them to someone who can help.

He sounds distressed & also very unhappy, but whether he can 'see' that or not is hard to say.
The OP needs support & possibly she should go see her own GP & just run this past them as it is not easy living with someone who is so explosive & disagreeable.
It must be really hard & exhausting & not good for anyone in the house including the kids.

After the initial post was made a sort of turn around happened in the relationship - might be worthwhile the OP thinking about why the turnaround happened & if that is possible this time or if she's had enough. And if she's had enough how to extricate herself from the relationship as simply as possible.

Savvy_Sue

Mrs_Imp wrote: »

I strongly recommend that you seek out a support group for yourself. Being a friend or carer of someone with mental health issues is very hard.

that's very good advice, and exactly what we'd say if there was an identifiable problem like drugs, alcohol or gambling and the partner didn't want to face up to it.

I don't personally know of such support groups for MH issues, but the GP might - well, should!

Lifesaver

Dippychick wrote: »

Switch to online banking only - plus change to online bank statements only, so he will never see one come through the door.

You can open a Savings account with the same bank, then when your money goes in you can stash some in the savings account... should he ever go to the bank with you card.. he will not be able to see where the money goes!

Good luck!

You can do this with HSBC - just switch your accounts online, pay some into savings or visa versa

Good Luck

A friend of mine did this with a High Street bank - only one time they sent a statement to the house addressed to her, she didnt look at the mail as she assumed it was all to do with the business - what happened DH opened it and she had to say she was saving it to take him on a special holiday to the USA!!
And she had to take him as the amount wasnt nearly enough to support her if she left him at that time.

Wot a bummer!

bertiebots

http://www.mind.org.uk/help/information_and_advice?1


I have had a quick look on this website and there is loads of really helpful info for you both. I know actually aproaching this subject with him and getting him to look is going to have to be done very carefully....there is also the issue that Do you still believe that its worth trying?


Bertie x