Am I being 'Out of order'?

Slinky

Given the history of the relationship it'll probably go to rat-sh*t before next year anyway, so I wouldn't bother planning to go.

larmy16

No I don't think you are out of order not wanting to go and waste your money. If its someones decision to marry abroad then tough if people choose not to go.

I was in a similar situation but it was a funeral!!! Guilt made me go abroad to see someone buried in another country when he was English, just because a relative wanted them buried there. Boy was I resentful and I had to get an overdraft to go!!!!

Don't feel guilty. Feel sensible

misty

I wouldn't go without further resolution - I would not be spending money regardless of whether I could afford it or not until things were cleared up.

Even if you didn't hear the convo about dd being flower girl - I would, as soon as it was mentioned have said - "sorry when was this agreed, I didn't think we would be invited - you haven't spoken to us for five years" - I would also have mnetioned that although you weren't personally upset by not seeing her in this time - you are upset on your daughters behalf - why has she ignored her all this time - why does she want to put it behind her now?

You can still ask her this now - it's not dragging it all back up because it's not gone away! Find a time you can talk without dd being there and ask her why she wants to speak to you now. If you are satisified that she is genuine then you can go to wedding happily if you're not satisfied - you can decide whether to go anyway or not but at least you would know.

I don't think it good enough for your husband to say he doesn't want to get involved - he is involved. Does he want to go because it's his sister or an easy life.

dangerouslyturquoise

Mojisola wrote: »

Put him on the spot - tell him as it's his family, he has to make the decision and that you will go with whatever he decides - just try not to resent it if you end up going!

This seems like excellent advice. A large part of this dilemma comes down to the relationship your husband and you want to have with your sister-in-law. It's not just up to you.

And maybe you need to get to the bottom of why he is acting "narky".

moneysaver12

I wouldn't go, im getting married next year and would like my family to come but don't expect them to, as we have decided to get married aboard

bandraoi

If it was your sister and your husband told you not to go to the wedding and that if you did go, you couldn't bring your daughter who'd been asked to be a flowergirl, what would you say?

whitewing

I would just start putting money aside now for the three of you. You don't have to decide yet (I assume; haven't read the whole thread).

If things get better, you will have the money to go.

If things don't get better, or the wedding is called off, you will still have the money.

Make it part of a challenge to save x amount (eg by ebaying or something - maybe money you don't have now-join the grocery challenge). That way it won't seem like money wasted if it goes wrong.

TITEASCRAMP

Thanks again for advice peeps. I feel even more guilty than yesterday now.:o

[Deleted User]

moneysaver12 wrote: »

I wouldn't go, im getting married next year and would like my family to come but don't expect them to, as we have decided to get married aboard

Did you think about how your family may feel like you've alienated them by going abroad? I still believe it's a highly selfish act unless you plan to pay for your guests transport abroad

emmy05

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Did you think about how your family may feel like you've alienated them by going abroad? I still believe it's a highly selfish act unless you plan to pay for your guests transport abroad

how can you say that? its purely up to the bride and groom just how they want it. besides, who really wants to take a chance with it NOT raining on their wedding day having it here lol