Am I being 'Out of order'?

TITEASCRAMP

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I can completely empathise with your feelings and situation, however since it is your husband's sister, I would let him decide and go along with his decision. I don't really think it's your decision to make.

If it helps your thought process, I'd consider what you would do if it was your sister? And thus all your family going to the wedding? (What do you say to your son/daughter?)

Life's too short to have family rifts. If I was in this situation, I suspect I'd feel the same as you and rather not go. However if it was my sister and thus a family gathering that my children missed out on with their Grandparents, I suspect I would change my mind, for the sake of not wanting to be the source of 'an issue' and trying to show my children how I can forgive people and put other peoples feelings before my own. It could be a very powerful lesson. I would explain it to them and try not to do any bad mouthing. And thus what I would do for my own birth family should really be done for the inlaws too.

If you really don't want to go and can't leave the past behind you, I would encourage OH & DD/DS to go without you.

There are always better things so spend one's money on.;)

I do think its as much my decision its half mt money and its half my daughter. dd doesnt realise that we even had a fall out. She is 7. She would also think we wern't going because of money.
I would go to the wedding if it was free. It's the money side that irritates me. The best part of a grand on something I do want to do. For someone I have little time for. This is my issue.:o

brownbabygirl

Don't go if you really don't want to. But I have a feeling you will end up really enjoying the wedding if you do go. You could alsoo really regret it later if you do make up with her. You are much bigger than this and life is too short.

melancholly

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Life's too short to have family rifts.

it's interesting - i see it completely the other way - life is indeed too short, but too short to waste time and energy on people who don't treat you properly just because they're family. i don't mean just sod them all and ignore family when they have tough times, but when people tolerate behaviour that is ten times worse than they would accept from friends, often over really long periods of time, it just seems daft....

in this situation, i'm not sure if i would go or not..... i think it really is rude to expect all the guests to go, even without a history of arguements and i would resent spending that much money anyway. depends on what the fall out would be and how close the OP's husband is to his sister.......

mspig

I don't get along with my sister in law(well all the inlaws actually except one uncle), and when she got married i said i would go just to keep the peace, but the day really did drag, and i felt like an outsider as hubby socialised with his family and i didn't know anyone there and had to keep my then 6 month old baby amused for the day.

And then as the day went on and they had a bit to drink the verbal abuse started, and being miles from home(not abroad just about 2 hours drive from home) i really felt miserable, the worst day of my life, so now i avoid all weddings etc with his family.

Never been quite sure myself as to why we don't get on, i think it has something to do with my hubbys the baby of his family and his mum didn't like him getting married, and also they seem to think that my family is posh or stuck up(not bad for someone who grew up on a council estate, parents still live there)

TITEASCRAMP

melancholly wrote: »

it's interesting - i see it completely the other way - life is indeed too short, but too short to waste time and energy on people who don't treat you properly just because they're family. i don't mean just sod them all and ignore family when they have tough times, but when people tolerate behaviour that is ten times worse than they would accept from friends, often over really long periods of time, it just seems daft....

in this situation, i'm not sure if i would go or not..... i think it really is rude to expect all the guests to go, even without a history of arguements and i would resent spending that much money anyway. depends on what the fall out would be and how close the OP's husband is to his sister.......

Thanks, I cant see that they are that close. We spoke xmas day and bumped into each other twice since, its not what I call close. She is only a mile down the road. It is the money I resent most definately. Like I said if it were free I'd go, without given it much thought.
I asked dh why he wants to go. "it will be a laugh and my my mum wants us go" A laugh! That doesnt sound to me that he views it anymore than just a p!ss up.
I mentioned I didnt want to go. He said "Right then we're not going" I said "I dont want you to resent me for us not going" To which he replied "It's not that big a deal to resent someone over".
Does this sound like someone who is really bothered. I think he'd like to go, save face and all that. But the actual meaning of - oh its my sister - I dont think its that at all.

mspig

couldn't your hubby go on his own?

TITEASCRAMP

mspig wrote: »

Ii felt like an outsider as hubby socialised with his family and i didn't know anyone there and had to keep my then 6 month old baby amused for the day.
and being miles from home(not abroad just about 2 hours drive from home) i really felt miserable, the worst day of my life,

This is how I felt on holiday with them all 5 years ago. sil's boyfriend of 5 minutes was treated better than me by mil and fil. It was the worst 2 weeks of my life.
And I had a 2 year old to entertain.

TITEASCRAMP

mspig wrote: »

couldn't your hubby go on his own?

They'd just think I was being a cow for not going. It wouldnt be any different to us all not going.

brownbabygirl

TITEASCRAMP wrote: »

They'd just think I was being a cow for not going.

So what?! They cant have it both ways:mad:. Just explain about the cost and let OH go alone or better still with DD

mspig

Well i always say to my husband that its up to him whether he goes or not but i'm not going and to be honest they couldn't think of me any worse than they do, so i really don't care about what others think about me, but you have to have thick skin to think like this otherwise thinking about what people say about you or think about you will eat away at you.