Am I being 'Out of order'?

mspig

PeskyPenguin wrote: »

Oh please don't go and ruin everyone elses holiday! You sound like the most outrageous grump who can't be pleased or swayed unless its on your own terms.

Do everyone a favour and stop whining! Have you stopped to think that SIL is only inviting you out of duty? Its the only way I can see someone wanting you there on their big day....

So because someone asked a question, and because she doesn't get on with her inlaws then shes a whinging grump.

I don't know about your family relationships but not all of us have perfect family relationships especially with the inlaws.

And why on earth should someone do something just to please others, its her sister inlaws wedding day surely one person not being there is not going to spoil the whole day, and if i was to get married abroad i wouldn't be offended about people not being able to come because they can't afford it, i think if people want to get married abroad its their choice but they shouldn't expect all their family members to go to the wedding.

jenijellybean

PeskyPenguin wrote: »

The best solution all round!

Poor chap could probably do with the break :rotfl::rotfl:

Couldn't have put it better myself :cool:

Mojisola

I do hope you let us know what you decide - and what the outcome is.

TITEASCRAMP

Mojisola wrote: »

I do hope you let us know what you decide - and what the outcome is.

Awwh yes Of course I will. I am very grateful for all the advice you people have given.
Its given me plenty of food for thought.:beer:

Lunar_Eclipse

melancholly wrote: »

it's interesting - i see it completely the other way - life is indeed too short, but too short to waste time and energy on people who don't treat you properly just because they're family.

I agree with that too. I was going to say 'on the other hand...' but Mr Tesco arrived with my online shopping so I didn't.

MrsE_2

TITEASCRAMP wrote: »

If you dont mind me saying Which bit did you find defensive on here?

Being as you have exactly mirrored the start of my sentence I take it that was also received defensivily?

I was just pointing out that as you have clearly stated you can afford to go but choose not to this is NOT about money but family relationships.

I meant NO offense by this.

Another poster mentioned about weddings abroad being selfish, I was just saying that some families like them.

If you liked his sister, you would be on the holiday board asking for advice on where to get a good deal.

Lunar_Eclipse

MrsE wrote: »

If you are a family that holidays abroad anyway every year (as mine do) then I don't think its selfish at all to marry abroad (as some in mine have done).

I don't really follow this logic, especially for those with a young family who are typically at their 'worst off' phase in life in terms of both time and money. Unless you go to the same/very similar countries (Spain/France for instance) for a typical 2 week package holiday in August, then of course it affects everyone invited/going. At a minimum it dictates how they spend their holiday that year and where exactly they visit. Family time just seems so precious (to me now) with our daily hectic family life.

We went to a couple of weddings overseas pre-children and saw them as an excuse for a holiday! They were great fun. Similarly for anyone retired and thus with much more time on their hands (above annual leave) it may be fine too. But for those with children (unless it is a once in a lifetime treat of a holiday), I think at best it's pain in the backside!

TITEASCRAMP

MrsE wrote: »

I was just pointing out that as you have clearly stated you can afford to go but choose not to this is NOT about money but family relationships.

But money is the factor. I would go if it were free or England. Yes it is the relationship that is causing me to feel resentful of spending a fortune on something I wouldnt choose to do.
I asked the question Am I out of order to feel like I do?

MrsE_2

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I don't really follow this logic, especially for those with a young family who are typically at their 'worst off' phase in life in terms of both time and money. Unless you go to the same/very similar countries (Spain/France for instance) for a typical 2 week package holiday in August, then of course it affects everyone invited/going. At a minimum it dictates how they spend their holiday that year and where exactly they visit. Family time just seems so precious (to me now) with our daily hectic family life.

We went to a couple of weddings overseas pre-children and saw them as an excuse for a holiday! They were great fun. Similarly for anyone retired and thus with much more time on their hands (above annual leave) it may be fine too. But for those with children (unless it is a once in a lifetime treat of a holiday), I think at best it's pain in the backside!

But loads of families with children DO go on holiday every year. Go to the Thomson or First Choice check in desk at the airport & it will have queues of familes all going on holiday.

My family go on holiday abroad with young children.

Many do.

If you are a family that does this, then you pick a destination that the family typically holidays in & find a date that they can do (usually Jul/Aug with children), set a date & then people book their own family holidays in a location as near (or far) as they want from the wedding venue.

We have gone abroad as a family (& some friends) group of 31 to attend a wedding before.
If the bride & groom say the date & their hotel & resort, then people book independantly for themselves.

I'm NOT saying people have to go.

I'm just saying that its very popular with many families now.
I've seen loads of families having weddings at holidays I've been on.

Its not just exotic destinations, Cyprus, Italy, Greece & Turkey are all popular.

Families just combine their annual family fortnight abroad into a family wedding holiday.

EDITED TO SAY, not all familes with children have a once in a lifetime treat of a holiday
Many many familes go on holiday every year.

Catblue

I really think that this is your husband's decision to make, and not yours. It is his family, after all.

He should make up his mind about whether HE wants to go, and then discuss with you the details regarding the feasibility for you and your daughter to go.

From what you've said, he does want to go, so I honestly think that you should try your best to support your husband in this. Not easy, I know.

If your family doesn't go (based entirely on your refusal to go), then prepare to deal with the consequences for years to come. You will have painted yourself as the unreasonable one and if your sister-in-law is as bad as you have said, then you have given her great ammunition to have a go at you in the future.

I don't think that you are out of order at all to feel resentful about it.

However, I do feel that you would be out of order to refuse to go (do it for your husband's sake - not your sister-in-law's sake).

You have loads of time to plan how to do it on your terms (researching cheaper flights, accommodation, staying in a different resort etc.). Make the most of it.