Am I being 'Out of order'?

[Deleted User]

oooh.. because I think the wedding is not only a day for the bride and groom, but the coming together of 2 families. Then again, I think it's still traditional for the bride's family to pay the majority...

bubbles65

Husband should have taken her to task over treatment of daughter WELL BEFORE NOW, but ,he still has a year. I would not forgive and forget someone doing this to mine, she seems pathetic......[disclaimer bit... all of this and previous opinions expressed are based solely on information provided by OP!]

TITEASCRAMP

bandraoi wrote: »

If it was your sister and your husband told you not to go to the wedding and that if you did go, you couldn't bring your daughter who'd been asked to be a flowergirl, what would you say?

I'd ask him why. If his reasons were valid than I wouldnt go.

bandraoi

TITEASCRAMP wrote: »

I'd ask him why. If his reasons were valid than I wouldnt go.

Well then tell him why you don't want to go, and if he thinks your reasons are valid, don't go.

BallandChain

TITEASCRAMP wrote: »

Thanks again for advice peeps. I feel even more guilty than yesterday now.:o

You have no need to feel guilty. I voted on the poll that you shouldn't go (though the question is do we all go). Of course it's easier for me to say as I won't be the one to suffer the fallout. Mind you if I haven't wanted to visit my OH's relatives I haven't, but didn't mind that OH went to see them.

The good thing is that time is on your side and anything can happen between now and next year. Nothing is set in stone!

TITEASCRAMP

Gosh I never thought so many would be in the Dont go camp. At least I know I am not being a complete mare.

andrione1

i voted don't all go, but definitely think husband should go to sister's wedding. (it's a long time to regret...)


It's acceptable if you, however, 'can't afford it' my sister stayed back from bil's wedding in another country, no problem. (husband went with older kids)

Also, for sake of family, is it worth, as someone suggested, plucking up courage to ask sil why she disappeared for 5 years and why come back?

families, eh! :eek:

TITEASCRAMP

I asked dd about being a flower girl she said she would like to, but not that bothered.
I'm thinking maybe we should go. I do feel guilty even though I think she doesnt derserve me to feel bad.
Maybe see how much flights and accom will cost next year and make a decision based on cost.
Thanks again

kizzykizzywizzy

My Hubby & I got married in Australia, we didn't expect or want anyone to go ( sounds awful ) we'd been together for 7 years & WE wanted to get married without fuss & expense, very selfishly we were able to get married & have a month off work going to Oz & Bali Singapore etc, we had photos done, & a guest videoed it for us so everyone got to see the day.
Our guests were SIL & BIL who live in Oz their friends & my next door neighbour, who happened to be out there at the same time, it was fun relaxed & a bargain as SIL paid for her friends meals!
I would've been upset if anyone had felt the need to pay to come, especially as the whole reason we went away was to not have all the fuss.
I wouldn't go she sounds as selfish as me, but the other way around:p

Lunar_Eclipse

TITEASCRAMP wrote: »

she had been bang out of order for 5yrs towards dd and now we are supposed to pretend it never happened.

I can completely empathise with your feelings and situation, however since it is your husband's sister, I would let him decide and go along with his decision. I don't really think it's your decision to make.

If it helps your thought process, I'd consider what you would do if it was your sister? And thus all your family going to the wedding? (What do you say to your son/daughter?)

Life's too short to have family rifts. If I was in this situation, I suspect I'd feel the same as you and rather not go. However if it was my sister and thus a family gathering that my children missed out on with their Grandparents, I suspect I would change my mind, for the sake of not wanting to be the source of 'an issue' and trying to show my children how I can forgive people and put other peoples feelings before my own. It could be a very powerful lesson. I would explain it to them and try not to do any bad mouthing. And thus what I would do for my own birth family should really be done for the inlaws too.

If you really don't want to go and can't leave the past behind you, I would encourage OH & DD/DS to go without you.

There are always better things so spend one's money on.;)