Am I being 'Out of order'?

onlyroz

If your hubby wants to go, and you can afford it, then I think you should both go.

My hubby seems allergic to family/friend gatherings, and it upsets me when he decides not to go to them - and then I either don't go, or go and feel like a lemon being stuck on my own.

My brother is getting married at the weekend, and he invited hubby to his stag doo in Brighton a few weeks ago. Hubby went, extremely reluctantly, but came home in the evening because he said that he couldn't get to sleep in the hotel. I feel thoroughly ashamed of him, because I thought that it was kind of my brother to invite him, and I don't like to think of my brother being upset over hubby's thoughtlessness.

MrsE_2

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Did you think about how your family may feel like you've alienated them by going abroad? I still believe it's a highly selfish act unless you plan to pay for your guests transport abroad

If you are a family that holidays abroad anyway every year (as mine do) then I don't think its selfish at all to marry abroad (as some in mine have done).

If you pitch your hol in places where your family generally holiday, then whats the problem.

If you are a family that can't afford to (or won't fly) or whatever, then its different.

The OP has already been to this place - the reason they didn't like it appears to be NOT that its not a place they would holiday, but that they didn't feel they had a good holiday experience/relationships while there.

So by choosing a place where family have holidayed in the past or similar to somewhere the OP would choose for a holiday I don't see whats wrong.

Would the OP still not want to go if it was in the UK? Perhaps from the sound of it, I think this is more about family relationships than geography. If it was in the UK, would the OP be complaining that it was costing them a fortune in outfits ect?

TITEASCRAMP

MrsE wrote: »

If you are a family that holidays abroad anyway every year (as mine do) then I don't think its selfish at all to marry abroad (as some in mine have done).

If you pitch your hol in places where your family generally holiday, then whats the problem.

If you are a family that can't afford to (or won't fly) or whatever, then its different.

The OP has already been to this place - the reason they didn't like it appears to be NOT that its not a place they would holiday, but that they didn't feel they had a good holiday experience/relationships while there.

So by choosing a place where family have holidayed in the past or similar to somewhere the OP would choose for a holiday I don't see whats wrong.

Would the OP still not want to go if it was in the UK? Perhaps from the sound of it, I think this is more about family relationships than geography. If it was in the UK, would the OP be complaining that it was costing them a fortune in outfits ect?

It is definately not somewhere I would choose to go on holiday. I went 5 yrs ago cos dh wanted to. I had never been and tried it. I hated it.
I have said quite a few times if it were free or if it were in England I would go.
No I wouldnt be complaining about the outfit costs. I have plenty of clothes.

judy2357

Sorry just come in on the end of this discussion, so missed where the Wedding is being held. Could you not compromise, go to the particular country on hol but stay elsewhere, say 40/50 miles away and just pop over for the Wedding and then make a quick getaway. Therefore hubbie is happy, you have to suffer for 1/2 a day but know that there is light at the end of tunnel as you get the rest of the week/fortnight to do as you want and dd has a good hol.

MrsE_2

TITEASCRAMP wrote: »

It is definately not somewhere I would choose to go on holiday. I went 5 yrs ago cos dh wanted to. I had never been and tried it. I hated it.
I have said quite a few times if it were free or if it were in England I would go.
No I wouldnt be complaining about the outfit costs. I have plenty of clothes.

I was making a point about it being more to do with family relationships & dynamics, than location & money.

If you don't mind me saying you are very defensive about it on here, you dismiss any suggestions of compromise that you don't like. If you are being like this with your husband, maybe that why he won't say out right what he wants to do?

I said that about being less to do with location & money and more to do with relationships & dynamics because you have stressed that you do go on family holidays, you can afford to go there, but that you don't WANT to go.

You did say your reasons for hating it were also down to the family dynamics at the time, rather than the location.

I think the suggestion of going, but staying well away & only visting for the day the wedding is a great idea.
You could even say, "because I hated it so much last time, I don't want to go back to that resort, so I will try another one along the coast".

Can I ask where it is?
Perhaps someone can recommend a nice resort a good bit away from where the wedding is?

TITEASCRAMP

judy2357 wrote: »

Sorry just come in on the end of this discussion, so missed where the Wedding is being held. Could you not compromise, go to the particular country on hol but stay elsewhere, say 40/50 miles away and just pop over for the Wedding and then make a quick getaway. Therefore hubbie is happy, you have to suffer for 1/2 a day but know that there is light at the end of tunnel as you get the rest of the week/fortnight to do as you want and dd has a good hol.

Yes I have thought about this. I picked up some brochures yesterday. Its not really an option though as I couldnt find anywhere that does self catering. Its also rediculously expensive. The place the wedding will be held is a small village no tourist at all. They have small b&b's which is a pain beause dd is nightmare with food. That why we go self catering. I take food with us. In the village I could use the family who live theres kitchen.
I am swaying towards going, mainly cos I feel guilty.

TITEASCRAMP

MrsE wrote: »

If you don't mind me saying you are very defensive about it on here, you dismiss any suggestions of compromise that you don't like. If you are being like this with your husband, maybe that why he won't say out right what he wants to do?

If you dont mind me saying Which bit did you find defensive on here?

PeskyPenguin

Oh please don't go and ruin everyone elses holiday! You sound like the most outrageous grump who can't be pleased or swayed unless its on your own terms.

Do everyone a favour and stop whining! Have you stopped to think that SIL is only inviting you out of duty? Its the only way I can see someone wanting you there on their big day....

TITEASCRAMP

PeskyPenguin wrote: »

Oh please don't go and ruin everyone elses holiday! You sound like the most outrageous grump who can't be pleased or swayed unless its on your own terms.

Do everyone a favour and stop whining! Have you stopped to think that SIL is only inviting you out of duty? Its the only way I can see someone wanting you there on their big day....

Thankyou very much for your helpful advice. I shall take it on board. :rotfl::rotfl:

PeskyPenguin

mspig wrote: »

couldn't your hubby go on his own?

The best solution all round!

Poor chap could probably do with the break :rotfl::rotfl: