Am I being 'Out of order'?

CB1979_2

well you keep changing the goal posts.

if no one really cares, then just tell them you can't afford it, and you'd like to take them out for a celebratory meal when they get back. job done.

why beat yourself up about it, however earlier i think i read that your husband wanted to go, so let him go and say you can't afford for all 3 of you to go/can't have the kid miss school, etc etc

paula65

Dont bother going. Arrange your holidays for the same time, somewhere else and you and your DH and DD have a great holiday. You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. My brother and his partner havn't spoke to me and my mum and dad for 12 months now. He booked his 40th party, we booked a trip to Italy, which fell on his birthday, but we thought that was ok due to the big doo and he was going to have, a couple of days before. He was having a bbq for his friends on his birthday itself. He then cancelled is doo and has disowned us for not being there on the day itself. Wouldn't mind but he ended up going to London with partner and three kids instead but he's never spoke to us since. He didn't send the money back we put in his birthday cards though :rotfl:

TITEASCRAMP

CB1979 wrote: »

well you keep changing the goal posts.

if no one really cares, then just tell them you can't afford it, and you'd like to take them out for a celebratory meal when they get back. job done.

why beat yourself up about it, however earlier i think i read that your husband wanted to go, so let him go and say you can't afford for all 3 of you to go/can't have the kid miss school, etc etc

Have you been reading the same thread. I said he said he'd like to go and said exectly what he had said. I am not paying 3k for a holiday somewhere I do want to go. 3k is a lot of money.
And which goal post have I moved?

TITEASCRAMP

paula65 wrote: »

Dont bother going. Arrange your holidays for the same time, somewhere else and you and your DH and DD have a great holiday. You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. My brother and his partner havn't spoke to me and my mum and dad for 12 months now. He booked his 40th party, we booked a trip to Italy, which fell on his birthday, but we thought that was ok due to the big doo and he was going to have, a couple of days before. He was having a bbq for his friends on his birthday itself. He then cancelled is doo and has disowned us for not being there on the day itself. Wouldn't mind but he ended up going to London with partner and three kids instead but he's never spoke to us since. He didn't send the money back we put in his birthday cards though :rotfl:

Bloody famlies eh! Thanks for the support.

CB1979_2

SAY to them your kid can't miss school or some other BS, so that it doesn't look like you're being pathetic and holding a grudge.

i can't be bothered to look through the thread again where you said you can afford it but it's more about the relationship you have with her, but then you say you can't afford it.

also yeah sorry but all the whinging female threads kinda blur into one, so perhaps i am mis-quoting you

MrsE_2

TITEASCRAMP wrote: »

Have you been reading the same thread. I said he said he'd like to go and said exectly what he had said. I am not paying 3k for a holiday somewhere I do want to go. 3k is a lot of money.
And which goal post have I moved?

I think its pretty clear you & her REALLY dislike each other.

Maybe she booked the holiday abroad, knowing you wouldn't want to go?
Maybe she asked your daughter to be the bridesmaid because her mother expected her to?

Maybe she really did extend the olive branch of friendship & mean it?

Who knows?

But if I were her I would not want someone at my wedding who so vehemently did not want to be there.
So perhaps its best all round, you don't go.
It may just cause a scene & thats not really nice at a family wedding.

brownbabygirl

CB1979 wrote: »

also yeah sorry but all the whinging female threads kinda blur into one, so perhaps i am mis-quoting you

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

mrcow

TITEASCRAMP wrote: »

I dont hate anyone.

That isn't how it's coming across.

TITEASCRAMP wrote: »

He never bloody see's his sister, she cant be that important.

Again, that's not for you to judge.

Your daughter has already said that she'd like to be a part of the wedding. You're the one saying that she's not bothered. It sounds like you are trying to get people on your side, when in reality, everyone else would like to be there? It does feel like you have a lot of resentment there and it's clouding out any other options......perhaps admitting that would be a start?

andrione1

After reading the further posts today, i think it is fascinating how people think, everyone is different and unique.

It is a good question, are you being out of order? no.

but if you go to the wedding you must change your attitude about your SIL, otherwise you will give her bad vibes, and she will feel them, hence spoiling her wedding.

Either go and enjoy it, or STAY AWAY.

The very worst conclusion is you wasting so much money on something you don't enjoy, plus, you may have even more rows while you are there???

But GOOD LUCK in you decision.

Trust your self. :A

bandraoi

Was thinking about this.

Scenario One:
Your sister in law really wants to extend an olive branch and make up and has chosen to invite you to further the peace.
In this case you should go. Take the opportunity as it's presented to you, it'll make Christmases, Birthdays, Family events etc. much more pleasant for the next 40 years to be on civil terms with her than not to be.

Scenario Two
Your sister in law has invited you because she hates your guts and wants to get the upper hand. She has invited you because you'll either not go, in which case there'll be lots of snide comments to MIL etc. for the next 40 years, or you'll go and spend most of it crying because of their treatment of you. Again lots of snide comments, but this time it's a group endeavour.

Your only real answer is to go and be HAPPY to go.

If it's Scenario A, she'll be happy and after a bit you'll be happier
If it's Scenario B it'll drive her absolutely batshit not to have gotten one up on you
and you'll have the moral high ground in all future arguments.