Am I being 'Out of order'?

Fleago

This has been such an interesting thread and a difficult one in terms of what Titeascramp should do for the best. On one hand there is the issue of spending time dutifully with in-laws, which, let's face it, can be difficult for all of us, and, on the other hand, Tite's natural inclination to have nothing to do with it all, given the past history involved. A difficult scenario indeed.

One thing I would say though, is that although Tite's OH and his sister don't appear to be "close", appearances can be deceiving. My brother, my only sibling, and I don't, on the face of it, seem close as others would normally view it. We live some distance apart, meet only occasionally and really only speak on the phone if there is a "reason". Despite this, when we do meet or speak, we fall into an easy and genuinely happy rapport, forged as it is on our shared childhood together and our relationship to our parents. We seemingly have a distance from each other, but should the need arise, I would walk over hot coals for him and I love him from the bottom of my heart. And he would be there for me should I need him and I know he loves me too.

So my only advice to Tite is that although her OH may appear nonchalant or unconcerned, it is possible that being there for his sister on her wedding day may mean more to him than he is letting on. Good luck to you Tite, and I hope you come to an arrangement that makes everyone happy.

CB1979_2

TITEASCRAMP wrote: »

I have decided to go with whatever dh wants to do, after all it is his sister and I will dont want to make him feel piggy in the middle.
And like people have said it will make future family gathering more harmonious.

alternatively she really doesn't want you there and have now ruined her big day! lol

TITEASCRAMP

Just a quick update if anyone remembers this thread. SIL is now more than likely not getting married abroad as her bf parents and family are all moaning that its too far and they can't afford to go.
All this as been told to us by MIL.
We called down on Christmas day and SIL and bf were supposed to be going there for dinner at 2pm at 3.45pm they still had not arrived (running late).
Personally I think they were avoiding us. dd did not get a present agian this year.
So looks like I was right about her reason for speaking and dd's first present in 4 years last year. We were just there to make the numbers up at the wedding on her side.
Now its off we aren't needed:rolleyes:
I blo-ody knew I was right about her.;)

BallandChain

BallandChain wrote: »

You have no need to feel guilty. I voted on the poll that you shouldn't go (though the question is do we all go). Of course it's easier for me to say as I won't be the one to suffer the fallout. Mind you if I haven't wanted to visit my OH's relatives I haven't, but didn't mind that OH went to see them.

The good thing is that time is on your side and anything can happen between now and next year. Nothing is set in stone!

Well it looks as if my prediction was right lol! I had to scroll through the thread to find my post but I was sure I had said something like things can change between now and then. Titeascramp, you can breathe a sigh of relief .:D

onetomany

havent read the postes but i would waste my money on going would prefer to spend it on one for my family

whitewing

I like it when people update the threads to tell us what happened.

Gangstabird

Excellent. Don't ever worry about what someone thinks about you not affording something. You were right the first time and to be honest, I would have said to DH, 'You go, I don't want to'. The very fact that they haven't bothered with your children would not enamour me from the beginning. But it would have been right for your OH to go if you could afford it (his sis after all).

And following on from Whitewing, thanks for updating us!!!!

Miss_Blodyn

It's so nice to read a similar situation to mine.

My SIL is planning on getting married in the Dominican im May 2010 and is expecting all her family to attend. In laws live 250 m away so we only get to see them 2-3 times a year. (SIL has visited us twice in 10 years.)

I have a family of four and we're going on our 1st holiday abroad in 5 weeks (kids are 9 & 6), which we've had to save loads for. We've sacrificed urgent work on the house to go on this holiday therefore, OH and I have already decided that next year's saving will be spent on a new roof.
MY SIL hasn't had the common decency to ask us to this wedding instead is getting MIL & FIL to do all the running around asking family members.

SIL is known to be incredibly selfish but is very manipulative and uses emotional blackmail at every opportuntity. Her relationship with H2B is also fractious - they've been engaged and cancelled local wedding in the past due to numerous break ups and various flings on both sides.

I'm feeling quite stubborn and really don't want to go but OH feels he has to attend even though he's reluctant.

It's causing friction as he doesn't get much annual leave and the bulk of it will be taken up with her wedding - so he'll spend more leisure time with a sister he hardly ever sees than his own family.

I can't contemplate spending 2 weeks with SIL and the rest - how can i get my OH to see through the manipulation?

Aaaarrgh - Help!

mrcow

Miss_Blodyn wrote: »

I can't contemplate spending 2 weeks with SIL and the rest - how can i get my OH to see through the manipulation?

Aaaarrgh - Help!

Book a two week all inclusive holiday for 2 in Barbados or Cuba for April 2010.

And then tell him you've booked it.

Should get the message across fairly clearly

Lost2

Thing is where is all the money going to come from,? not only will you have you travel/hotel/spending money/cloths then there will be clothes that you will wear for the wedding and before you even go are your passports up to date and will you need any injections as they have to be paid for....ask yourself is it worth it? it's what I would call an expensive LAUGH (as your OH calls it)