Am I being 'Out of order'?

TITEASCRAMP

Just wanted to know if people thought I was being Out of order and right cow, or if anyone could see my point.
Basically next year SIL is getting married abroad and want me, dh and dd to go. This obviously will cost us quite a few hundred pounds. I dont want to go on the basis that I would rather spend my money doing something I'd like to do (not her wedding).

Bit of back ground. We have only really been on speaking terms since Christmas Day at MIL. We went on holiday with sil and bf 5yrs ago and had a big fall out on holiday (wont go into all that). After the row we made up travelled home together chatting like normal. Or so I thought.
She always came down on weekends, this stopped, I posted her birthday card, never got one back, never sent dd a card or present again even xmas. I was really annoyed because whatever we had argued about dd wasnt to blame. So not sending her a little card or prezzie pee'd me off. Anyway I didnt ring and neither did dh(who says very little on this subject).
She has avoided mil at xmas since except this year when we all had xmas dinner together. I chatted normally and so did she and bf. It was like we hadnt had the last 5yrs. Even dd got a present.
They told us that they were getting married and assumed as did/does mil that we will be going. Even though its abroad and will cost hundreds.
I dont want to go.because i dont want spend my money on their wedding. dh says he would go but wont if I really do want to. He just doesnt want to talk about it and gets narky if I bring it up.
Am I being 'out of order'? or what.
Thankyou for you time reading my massive post:o

churchrat

hi
I wouldn't go. Not really because I didn't like her but because I wouldn't want to spend a lot of money doing something I didn't want to do. Can you afford to go? or will you have to borrow to do it? If borrowing DEF don't go.
I don't think you're being unreasonable

TITEASCRAMP

churchrat wrote: »

hi
I wouldn't go. Not really because I didn't like her but because I wouldn't want to spend a lot of money doing something I didn't want to do. Can you afford to go? or will you have to borrow to do it? If borrowing DEF don't go.
I don't think you're being unreasonable

I could afford it, but I would rather spend it on something I like to do.:o I feel selfish for saying that but its true.

brightonman123

i reckon bride should pay travel costs, if she wants you to go abroad.

lka200

I would give it a miss as well. Buy them a decent prezzie and explain that finances wont allow you to attend. Anyone decent would accept this as a good enough reason for not attending after all it will cost you loads and im sure you could put that money into something more important to YOU.
Would she fork out hundreds to go to your wedding?
Lucy x

Gingernutmeg

I don't think you're being out of order - if they're so keen to have everyone there at the wedding, then why aren't they holding it in this country or offering to pay fares? It's their choice to get married abroad and they have to accept that this might mean that people can't/won't come. Given the state of *most* people's finances at the moment, even a weekend away for a wedding in this country might be too expensive, let alone taking the whole family abroad.

ameliarate

I dont want to go.because i dont want spend my money on their wedding. dh says he would go but wont if I really do want to. He just doesnt want to talk about it and gets narky if I bring it up.

This is the bit that worries me. Is he getting narky because he really wants to go (it is his sister?) but doesn't want to upset you? If you can afford to go and he would really like to go then perhaps you should reconsider?

I see you point but if this is his sister and perhaps his only sister (I am making assumptions here) then perhaps you should be taking his feelings into consideration more.

yoni_one

I don't think you are being out of order or a right cow and yes I can see your point.

I would however suggest that you try and put your emotions to one side for a moment and have a good think about the possible short and long term consequences to the entire family and dh before you make a decision to go or not.

TITEASCRAMP

ameliarate wrote: »

I dont want to go.because i dont want spend my money on their wedding. dh says he would go but wont if I really do want to. He just doesnt want to talk about it and gets narky if I bring it up.

This is the bit that worries me. Is he getting narky because he really wants to go (it is his sister?) but doesn't want to upset you? If you can afford to go and he would really like to go then perhaps you should reconsider?

I see you point but if this is his sister and perhaps his only sister (I am making assumptions here) then perhaps you should be taking his feelings into consideration more.

This is why I feel like im being awful. He says he not bothered but would go. Cos they and mil want us there.

Little_Chicken

TITEASCRAMP wrote: »

I could afford it, but I would rather spend it on something I like to do.:o I feel selfish for saying that but its true.

Funnily enough I had a massive row with hubby about something similar last night and we're still not talking!

His friend is getting married abroad later in the year and we were going to go for a week and then to the wedding at the end of the holiday. Well. I haven't been working for 6 months so we can't go for the week, he still wants to go for the weekend though. I would rather spend the money doing something I actually WANT to do. So - I've told him he can go on his own:rotfl:. He also has to fork out for a stag do abroad.:eek:......I think people are incredibly selfish when it comes to this kind of thing - making people fork out hundreds of pounds - they'll probably be divorvced in 5 years.:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Mojisola

Could you compromise and suggest your OH goes on his own? That way he gets to his sister's wedding and represents your family - you can explain to SIL that you can't afford for the whole family to go but looks like you're making an effort not to spoil her day.

I personally have problems with people arranging weddings abroad and then expecting family and friends to pay out to attend.