Am I being 'Out of order'?

Jaiden_2

G-G wrote: »

Sod 'em!

she prob only spoke to you at xmas so you would go to wedding and she could avoid all the 'where is your brother?' questions..

If there was no wedding, they would have been no xmas get together, and that speaks volumes in my opinion..

x

Yeah that was my initial opinion too. She hasnt spoken to you in years and suddenly everything is rosy just in time to guilt you into forking out loads of money on something you really wont enjoy. I agree with the posters who say to get your OH to go and represent the family.

Trying to sort out manspeak, (why cant they just say what they mean!!:mad: ) it seems that he does really want to go but doesnt want to pressure you into it, so let him go, get a babysitter for the kids and have a few girlie evenings out :beer: , everybody wins! :rotfl:

ajwid01

I echo the other poster...

If she hadn't have been getting married, and want people there to make it feel like a 'good show' (and avoid the inevitable questions), the XMas event and all the "we're friends like nothing ever happened" scenario would NOT have occurred.

On the front, I would not go.

However... I've had a serious family rift spreading the last 6-7 years, all caused by 2 cousin's girlfriends 'not liking' each other.

The 2 females have long-since gone, but ill-feeling within the family remains. My wife doesn't want to go to a marriage of 1 cousin now, because of all the historical problems - and she feels this cousin should have been stronger and prevented some of the problems.

My view is that holding on to the historical resentment can be seen as 'perpetuating' the problems into the future (because not all family will view the scenario objectively).

We ARE going to this wedding in my own family for exactly that reason: but it will be a 'token' attendance, and we will be leaving very quickly - with the excuse that our children need to get home and sleep...

It may be that you can come up with your own 'token attendance variant'.

I'm not advocating it, as I really don't think she is worth any consideration; but you're not doing it for her - you're doing it for the wider family harmony [that's the positive spin part that you could focus on].

T.

TITEASCRAMP

Thankyou for all the replies. You guys talk a lot of sense.:beer:
If the wedding was in England I would of gone no problem. Spending my money on her wedding is really bugging me.
She probably wouldnt be speaking if it wernt for her wedding. More than anything the way she treated dd and now wants her to be a flower girl, makes me want to scream.
dh says "just carry this fued on then" :rolleyes:
Meaning that we are speaking now so I should just accept that. It's all on her terms though what infuriates me.

newcook

I think you should let bygones be bygones, bite the bullet and go to the wedding.
Fair enough, you don’t want to spend money on going to her wedding because you'd rather spend it on something else - if it was her birthday party etc then I would completely agree with you but this is her wedding day and I'm guessing she only wants to have one of them. I think as well that she would like to fondly look over the photo's and see her brother, SIL and neice in the pics looking lovely all 'suited and booted'!

My guess is that your hubby wants to go to the wedding but doesn’t want to upset you - you are putting him in a very difficult position and he may see it as 'its either me or your sister' - this could cause all sorts of upsets through the whole family and it would be you who gets the blame as you made him decide.

I would go to the wedding and put it all behind you - life is too short to hold grudges.

cake21

Mojisola wrote: »

Could you compromise and suggest your OH goes on his own? That way he gets to his sister's wedding and represents your family - you can explain to SIL that you can't afford for the whole family to go but looks like you're making an effort not to spoil her day.

Just to second Mojisola's great idea.

I'm sure OH would love to go to his sister's wedding (I would have been crushed to miss my sister's wedding, even with her transformation into Bridezilla :eek: )

You might even be able to persuade OH and MIL that it will be better without you there fretting about your money troubles

TITEASCRAMP

I resent spending money on her wedding. I dont think dh is that bothered. He'd just enjoy the p.ss up.
We started speaking on xmas day but have only seen each other a couple of times since, when we have been at mil at the same time.
I think an apology may make me feel better but she would never do that

mymatebob

We all pass this way but once and time is precious.
(EDIT - unless your belief system includes re-incarnation)
Don't waste it by doing things you do not like or want to do.

If OH wants to go then fine but you must tell him you are happy for him to go but there is no reason for you to go. And no recriminations - you tow need to be strong.

Spending a lot of money to be miserable is no fun for anyone at all.

And it is not only men who speak in riddles!

baby_fuzz

I would go, seeing as it's family. Caveat being that it is not in Fiji or some other place that it would be very expensive to get to. Let bygones be bygones and enjoy the party (perhaps squeeze in a little hol whilst you're there?!)

mrcow

I think you should go for your husband's sake.

It's his family and he obviously wants to go, even if he's not saying it exactly that way (mine is exactly the same......you have to be a mindreader sometimes). It's a wedding.....it's bound to be fun and you won't come off looking like the bad guy.

MrsTinks

I'm going to take a different stance on this one... possiby a little contraversial...
You obviously still have some issues with her and although everyone is nice face to face at the moment then having recently been married myself (with people attending from abroad as my family are all in Denmark) I know how much work goes into planning a wedding and frankly if I thought you were feeling like this I would uninvite you in a heart beat! This is HER big day - anything else aside you have to respect that. I think you either have to move on and forgive and forget or don't go, because if you do go I can assure you that someone will notice and it's not fair - no matter WHAT has been in the past - to ruin her day.
Whether you want to spend the money or not is up to you, but please remember that this is something special and she might have moved on from your fall out although you haven't and might wactually WANT you there - or she might have been pressured into inviting you because you're her SIL. I'd prefer to think the former, but if you go with negative vibes you could end up ruining a day that should be remembered as being the happiest day of her life...
Try to put what you want aside for a second and maybe call her and speak to her. Have an honest conversation with her and maybe you two can not only move on, but she may have had reasons for not coming round or sending presents etc etc etc She may have had problems of her own!

Anyway... just my thoughts