Am I being 'Out of order'?

TITEASCRAMP

I said last night, that if we dont go I dont want him to resent me for us not going.
He said its not that big a deal to resent someone over. I said but why do you want to go he said "cos it will be a laugh and they'd all like us there"
He talks in riddles, I have no idea what he really thinks and how much he does or does not want to.

pinkshoes

Personally, I would go, as having family tensions is horrible, and now you're all speaking again, it would be nice to keep that up.

It IS your OH's sister after all...

Why don't you just turn their wedding into your holiday i.e. go to the wedding, and afterwards spend an entire week on holiday there as a family? That way, you can do BOTH, and everyone is happy.

Is the wedding in a country where you would consider taking a holiday?

I've been to 4 weddings abroad for my OH's family members, and although I would perhaps prefer to spend my money on other things, it's his family, and I know deep down he'd like to go, so we just turn the whole thing into a holiday!

Mojisola

TITEASCRAMP wrote: »

He talks in riddles, I have no idea what he really thinks and how much he does or does not want to.

Put him on the spot - tell him as it's his family, he has to make the decision and that you will go with whatever he decides - just try not to resent it if you end up going!

Either way it may save a lifetime of problems with the in-laws - if he decides no, then at least your non-attendance isn't down to you!

Pinkshoes has probably got the answer - good advice.

G-G_4

Sod 'em!

She has treated you like rubbish for years, and probably upset your kids who wondered why aunty 2faced wasn't around or buying them a birthday and xmas gift..

Sounds like she is a little manipulative and OH prob is just trying to keep the peace, but he cannot seriously expect you to spend your money on celebrating something of hers.. the cheeky mare.. she prob only spoke to you at xmas so you would go to wedding and she could avoid all the 'where is your brother?' questions..

If there was no wedding, they would have been no xmas get together, and that speaks volumes in my opinion..

x

TITEASCRAMP

No the place is where we all went 5 yrs ago. I hated every second of the two weeks I was there. I can see your point about it being dh sister.
And I know we are all speaking again, but it just bugs me that its all on her thats its all on her terms. She decides we not speaking, then she decides we are.
The only reason I went along with all the happy families stuff at xmas was for dh.
I wanted say that she had been bang out of order for 5yrs towards dd and now we are supposed to pretend it never happened.
God listen to me I sound like a right bitter old mare, dont I.

G-G_4

& yes, they prob will be divorced in 5 years if she treats her family with so little respect, then she and OH will no doubt not last too long.. :laugh:

Mojisola

I really feel for you - I would feel much like you do in this situation but marriages are about compromises and if doing this helps your relationship with your OH and his parents you may have to grit your teeth and do it.

Less objectively, I might well be pushing for him to go on his own!

Welshlassie

I'd be inclined not to go. It makes me wonder why she suddenly started talking to you at Christmas again?
Ultimately it needs to be your DHs decision as its his sister and you should support him in whatever he decides.

happy_nutter

Don't go, treat yourselfs to something nice instead. If your in laws are anything like mine you will be in the wrong no matter what you do or how much time has passed. whats to say she will still want to talk to you after the wedding???
Let her offer to pay for you all to go, after all it is her choice to get married abroad if she doesn't do something nice with your family instead.
Other than that web cam - watch from the comfort of your settee!!!!

hev_2

How well do you get on with MIL, and what does it mean to her?

tbh it sounds like your and your dh's relationship with SIL will never be anything but a PITA but if it really upsets MIL if you don't go then it may be worth thinking how it will end up between you and her IYSWIM.

Could you confide in your MIL and say you have reservations and if you do go MIL will have to keep SIL off your back if there is a problem?

About getting married abroad - I got married in Wales and I paid for my bridesmaid and her friend's return train fare to Leeds because I had chosen to get married away from where they lived and it was up to me to pay for their journey. Anyone suggesting I go to their wedding in Timbuktu and not pay for my fare would get very short shrift.