Am I being 'Out of order'?

onamission_2

agree with the not going posts but *if* the wedding was somewhere nice could you just go grin and bear it then take off on your family holiday ?

tiamai_d

Oh I get you on this one.

The question is... does he want to go because it's his siters wedding OR because the rest of the family expect him to go?

My DH and I differ on this subject. He has some sort of mafia style loyalty to 'The Family'. We will trapse along to a BBQ at a hated Aunt (hated by me because she is an utter cow to me my DH admits it now after 10years) not for the BBQ or to visit this Aunt but because the rest of The Family say he should be at this Family Event. I am of the view that I do not like a lot of my family and so do not visit them, I would rather visit my frinds and those I do like.

If you were to ask your husband this question and he answered truthfully that he wants to go because she is his sister then swallow your pride and go for his sake (making that clear if it helps and making sure you enjoy yourself outwith the wedding) If it is because his family have been putting pressure on him, then say no, you do not want other people dictating what you should be doing.

DigitalJedi

I'm gonna be on the you should go bandwagon.

After all this is your OH's sister. Its his FAMILY. It would be different if it were a friend but quite frankly I find the fact you'd rather spend the money on something you'd enjoy more rather selfish. I think you have a duty to go if invited.

Being part of a couple means accepting and putting up with your OH's family for better or for worse. God knows I didn't always love my in laws and didn't relish the fact that going to her brother's wedding would cost me a small fortune but I did it for my OH. I had to pay for 6 new outfits, hotel, travel etc. but we all turned up, did our duty and made the best of the day.

emmy05

its whats expected............... they all want you there ................. hubby wants to go ............


complete bol-lox! you only go if you want to go, cos im a person who doesnt do what others expect, i broke out of 'traditions' and 'whats expected' years ago, regardless of who or what mightve taken offence along the way!
be your own person and tell your hubby just how you feel, and if he gets narked, then tough! he either listens or doesnt, but either way dont let this fester on, if youre not going, then make it clear. Hes saying youre expected to be there, but to be honest, can you really see their wedding day being wrecked by you not being there?
Tell him to go to the sad losers wedding on his own and in the meantime, book your own holiday away with your mates LOL xx

TITEASCRAMP

DigitalJedi wrote: »

I'm gonna be on the you should go bandwagon.

After all this is your OH's sister. Its his FAMILY. It would be different if it were a friend but quite frankly I find the fact you'd rather spend the money on something you'd enjoy more rather selfish. I think you have a duty to go if invited.

Being part of a couple means accepting and putting up with your OH's family for better or for worse. God knows I didn't always love my in laws and didn't relish the fact that going to her brother's wedding would cost me a small fortune but I did it for my OH. I had to pay for 6 new outfits, hotel, travel etc. but we all turned up, did our duty and made the best of the day.

I wondered if I was being selfish, but if you knew how we/ dd had been ignored for 5 yrs maybe you would see why I feel the way I do.
She decided we werent speaking, now she deceide we are.

Sagaris

You are his family now, not his sister who decides she will speak to you again because of her impending wedding (or so it appears to me, and a few others on here!)
I wouldn't mind betting that if you did go, she would soon stop speaking to you afterwards.
I'd tell my OH if he wanted to go then do so with my blessing - but after being treated like that (and your DD too) I'd be staying at home - or doing something I wanted to do.
Don't envy you, though!

bubbles65

You need to regain the upper hand here.Seems like she likes her own way and will do anything to get it,hence the re-appearance for the big announcement and the prezzie for your daughter. You need to have a face to face with her over her past behaviour as this obviously still bugs you. You wont get a (sincere) apology,so dont expect one. But if I am right, she WILL pay for you all to go,she needs you in the photos! Take this FREE holiday and then get back to normal, i.e. not speaking. She is using you and your family, time your hubby seen this, sounds like a right little princess.

wendywitch

lka200 wrote: »

I would give it a miss as well. Buy them a decent prezzie and explain that finances wont allow you to attend. Anyone decent would accept this as a good enough reason for not attending after all it will cost you loads and im sure you could put that money into something more important to YOU.
Would she fork out hundreds to go to your wedding?
Lucy x

Totally agree! :T

Zazen999

With weddings, I have one motto.

Don't invite anyone that hasn't actively contacted you in the last year. Adapting it for this - don't go to the wedding of someone who hasn't actively contacted you in the last year.

Its quite simple - she ignores you for 5 years, and even worse ignores your child; and makes assumptions that you will just forget it and fork out hard earned cash for her wedding; in a place that you hate, where she originally fell out with you. No apology and as soon as the wedding is over, you don't even know if she is going to revert to form.

Sorry, but she hasn't actively contacted you to properly invite you and have a grown up discussion about it; you would be well within your rights to ask the question; why would I go to a wedding abroad, at my own expense, of anyone who has ignored me for 5 years?

i can't see why DH isn't also annoyed that she ignored his daughter for so long.

TITEASCRAMP

I cant see why he isnt annoyed either. All he seems to think or appears to imply. Is that we are speaking now so I should get over it speak and forget the past.
Well I do speak I am very friendly and polite for his sake. But I'm still narked about dd being ignored more than anything else. And now all fussing over her telling her she's being a flower girl etc etc. Makes me think cheeky cow.
I honestly dont think dd would want to walk down an aisle in front of loads of people all looking at her. I think she'd say i'm not doing it. Then mil and sil would say "come on of course you are" dh would tell her stop being so soft. I'd say leave her alone. I can picture it now. Then I'd be accused of making her soft and encouraging her.

Is she that important to him, you have to wonder. He saw her xmas day, and twice since on chance meetings at mil's. Sil only lives 2 minutes down the road. Not exactly what I call close.