Am I being 'Out of order'?

TITEASCRAMP

bubbles65 wrote: »

your husband,who is too soft for words.

Thats what I've said to him.:rolleyes:

VK-2008

if it was me and we were not getting on i would say to oh that they could go themselves
or if adamant that i went i would just try and make best out of bad situation maybe stay a bit further away and make a wee holiday out of it

Lady_E

I have read this thread all the way through and have loads of sympathy for the OP but my suggestion is a compromise.
Instead of staying with them on the holiday eg same hotel etc where it is likely to be very clausterphobic(sp?) in a family way , could you not stay else where and just turn up for the wedding practise and wedding? That way, she gets her wedding photos with a cutie flower girl, OH gets to go and you have got the upper hand. It was probably the close proximity of "the family" that spoilt the holiday/country 5 years ago, this time around let it be a visit on your terms and it is a win/win situation

TITEASCRAMP

The problem is that its a small rural village where people will be staying. In the middle of nowhere. They have some distant family live there.
I do think its a very good suggestion though, maybe we could hire a car and stay at the other side of the island.

emmy05

hire a car and mow them all down with it ............ is she wanting your DD to be bridesmaid cos shes apologising that way, or is she knowing that there might be a good chance of you not turning up, therefore is putting more pressure on you .....

TITEASCRAMP

emmy05 wrote: »

hire a car and mow them all down with it ............ is she wanting your DD to be bridesmaid cos shes apologising that way, or is she knowing that there might be a good chance of you not turning up, therefore is putting more pressure on you .....

On xmas day I must have been in the kitchen or something cos I dont remember this conversation. But dd tells me auntie told her she was being a flower girl at her wedding.
dh heard this conversation. Now when the wedding is discussed in mil house, it's just assumed we are all going and dd is the flower girl.
As yet I dont even know what month next year, cos they havent decided.

onamission_2

I see selfish as doing something that benefits my health and wellbeing and extends to my family. I would sit down with OH and discuss it.

bandraoi

This one is your husbands call not yours. It's his sister and his family, therefore much and all as it sucks I think you should leave it 100% up to him to decide and be happy with whatever decision he makes.

TITEASCRAMP

onamission wrote: »

I see selfish as doing something that benefits my health and wellbeing and extends to my family. I would sit down with OH and discuss it.

Sorry I dont quite understand, and dh wont discuss it at all

newcook

Can I ask a question? If they hadnt invited you would this thread be 'SIL is getting married and we havent been invited - DD was hoping to have been flowergirl'?

SIL has offered the olive branch and is obviously trying to put the silly row behind. She didn’t have to ask DD if she would be flowergirl - she could have just invited you all and that’s that.

I know you are really knarked that SHE decided you are now speaking - unfortunately when there is a row between two people its inevitable that one of you has to decide to start speaking to the other. At xmas you could quite easily have walked away when she spoke to you but because you accepted her branch it shows that you could let bygones be bygones.

I will probably get shot down in flames for this but I think some of your comments seem slightly childish - you are angry because it was SIL that decided to speak to you rather than the other way around, you say you hated where you went on holiday and spent it in tears because people didn’t include you - sorry but if I went on holiday with someone who spent the whole time crying I wouldn’t want them around me trying to ruin my holiday! You slap a smile on and make the most of it!

I also think it would be quite harsh if you didn’t let DH and DD go because you had chose not to go and didn’t want them going as you would miss them - get over it, get on the plane and try and enjoy yourself. If DD is like most little girls I know then she is quite excited about being a flowergirl but has possibly picked up/overheard that you don’t like SIL and is trying to spare your feelings.