Am I being 'Out of order'?

melancholly

MrsE wrote: »

Many many familes go on holiday every year.

yes they do - to a location they have chosen at a time that suits them.

going to a specific place for a wedding is a whole different thing...... even families that get on well don't always want to spend time on holiday together and not everyone likes the same things....

i don't see your logic, i'm afraid. it may be possible for people with families to go abroad for a wedding, but it certainly isn't the way i would want to have my holiday chosen. even if you go away year, that doesn't make it any more fun to have your destination (and other people who will be there!) chosen for someone else's plans.

i'm all for weddings abroad, but not when they are accompanied with the expectation that everyone invited should have to come.

TITEASCRAMP

Thats it I resent the cost. I wouldnt choose this place. But I am seeing a lot of peoples point about doing it for dh.
Depending on exactly how much we are talking about, I am willing to really consider it.

MrsE_2

melancholly wrote: »

yes they do - to a location they have chosen at a time that suits them.

going to a specific place for a wedding is a whole different thing...... even families that get on well don't always want to spend time on holiday together and not everyone likes the same things....

i don't see your logic, i'm afraid. it may be possible for people with families to go abroad for a wedding, but it certainly isn't the way i would want to have my holiday chosen. even if you go away year, that doesn't make it any more fun to have your destination (and other people who will be there!) chosen for someone else's plans.

i'm all for weddings abroad, but not when they are accompanied with the expectation that everyone invited should have to come.

All as I'm pointing out is that every year lots of families (with children) go abroad for weddings, thats all.

Mine have done it & enjoyed it.

No one had their holiday dictated to them, there was consultation on where was a good place & an agreement was reached. Everyone who wanted to be there went.

YOU KNOW ONE OF THE BEST THINGS ABOUT A HOLIDAY ABROAD, only people who really want to share your day will be there & all the people who go either for the free food'n'drink or because they "have" to won't.
Makes a great wedding;)

CB1979_2

!!!!!! just go on holiday and spend one afternoon with them, doesn't mean you have to spend all 2 weeks with them day after day.

why do some people make things so complicated.

melancholly

well obviously in the OP's situation, the consultation part was missing.

i couldn't afford to go anywhere exotic - for a good friend or family member. it just wouldn't be possible for me. and that has absolutely no bearing on how much i would want to share their day. and for what it's worth, i wouldn't turn up at anyone's wedding just for the free food, and i have only been to one wedding where the drinks were free too. i think you must just live in a very very different world to me!

larmy16

TITEASCRAMP wrote: »

But money is the factor. I would go if it were free or England. Yes it is the relationship that is causing me to feel resentful of spending a fortune on something I wouldnt choose to do.
I asked the question Am I out of order to feel like I do?

No no no, you are not out of order, not one bit!:) Guilt feelings are such a pain aren't they?

TITEASCRAMP

CB1979 wrote: »

!!!!!! just go on holiday and spend one afternoon with them, doesn't mean you have to spend all 2 weeks with them day after day.

why do some people make things so complicated.

2 weeks, looking at prices thats 3k . would you want to spend that much of something that woudnt be your choosing. I do think some people on here can be very rude. Is there any need to swear. !!!!!!

MrsE_2

melancholly wrote: »

well obviously in the OP's situation, the consultation part was missing.


I'm NOT saying the feelings the OP has towards her SIL are wrong, I know nothing about whats gone on between them.

I was replying to a sweeping statement about weddings as family holidays abroad. I was stating that SOME families actually choose to do it this way & treat it as the family holiday they would have taken anyway.

i couldn't afford to go anywhere exotic - for a good friend or family member. it just wouldn't be possible for me. and that has absolutely no bearing on how much i would want to share their day.

BUT the OP has said she can afford to, but doesn't want spend out for her family holiday with them because of bad feeling between them. We are not really discussing people who can't afford to go, but people who can, but don't want to & can think of other ways they would prefer to spend their time & money.

I also said that its not even all about exotic destinations, many people get married in Cyprus, Italy, Greece & Turkey, ect.


and for what it's worth, i wouldn't turn up at anyone's wedding just for the free food, and i have only been to one wedding where the drinks were free too. i think you must just live in a very very different world to me!

I didn't say everyone..........

But its a fact that people do do go to a wedding for the free food & drink or because they have to or are expected to. Lots of oeople invite people they don't really want to go, because they feel they should or to keep the peace or to not cause upset in the familes.

When you get married abroad, the people who go, go because they want to be there.

I never suggested you did turn up at peoples weddings for free food & drink and I live in the same world as you, there is only one, we all share it.

CB1979_2

TITEASCRAMP wrote: »

2 weeks, looking at prices thats 3k . would you want to spend that much of something that woudnt be your choosing. I do think some people on here can be very rude. Is there any need to swear. !!!!!!

i believe you've already answered the question that finances aren't the problem.
don't feel bad that you hate your in-laws, doesn't mean you have to be selfish and make your husband and their niece miss their day.

TITEASCRAMP

CB1979 wrote: »

i believe you've already answered the question that finances aren't the problem.
don't feel bad that you hate your in-laws, doesn't mean you have to be selfish and make your husband and their niece miss their day.

I dont hate anyone. 3k for 2 weeks is a finance issue. If we were to go, then making it a holiday is out of the question. It would be a 2-3 day thing.
How am I being selfish. He never bloody see's his sister, she cant be that important.
And as for their niece. This being the same niece that they havent seen in 5 years. Through their choice. When we were chatting just fine the last conversation before we ever had the 5 yr break. dd isnt high on their list of priorities believe me.
As for dd herself she could care less either way.