Leaving abusive relationships (merged)

Sarahsaver

Contact the police domestic violence unit. He can be 'got' under the new harassment law. The B*stards who harass women now can get an initial warning to keep away, then if they breach it they can be arrested.
I did a distraction trick on my ex h, and got the house keys off him so he couldn't get back in again. I was of the opinion that no amount of him being an ***hole could get me and my 3 kids out of the house. Why should people be able to bully women out of family homes. I would have felt differently if I didnt own it though, and if you have suffered violence/harassment you get hoiked up the council housing list a bit more quickly.
Keep all your birth certificates, passports, nhs cards in a safe place, as well as some proof of ID.
If you gave a joint account go to the bank and tell them hes violent. (my bank shut the account )
Go to the coucil tax/benefits/tax credits and tel them you are single.
Do what you can. Be a survivor not a victim. You have taken great steps already, and you are a brave woman.
If you are in rented accom. get his name off it sharpish as the law allows you to break into your own property, tho im not sure how this goes with rented stuff but I know my ex kept on threatening to break in cos his name was on the deeds.
If hes still there (please no...) then call the cops, get a couple of friends round too, and they will escort him off the premises if you say you want them to help you with that, and you feel unsafe.
Contact the school and the school nurse re. your daughter, (the nurse can help with your daughter's fear/trauma, or else point you to somewhere to get help; get all the help you can from every angle.PM me if you want, as you may be able to tell I have been there and done all this and come out the other end ok;)

impy78

Please leave NOW.

angeluk69_2

first of all I would like to say... well done for speaking out, more women have to do this. I myself witnessed years of my own mother being abused even to the point where she was being psycologily (sp?) abused. Many a time I would hear shouting and screaming and one night walked down the stairs to find my mum in a pool of blood where my father had locked her out and she had to climb in thru a tiny window.

These images still haunt me today...

I know that everything is very up in the air but the one piece of advice I can give you is to get him out of your house. Your priority is yourself and your daughter.

Although I do nt know the law and would not want to give you any false advice regarding injunctions and so on, I would like you to know that ther are a LOT of people that can help you both.

http://www.family2000.org.uk/domestic_violence1.htm

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

http://www.refuge.org.uk/

these may help you with some of the things to do and deal with.

tina68

Caroleann wrote:

Thank you to everyone who has replied, Its our own house, he was'nt arrested on Mon night, the police asked if I wanted him arrested and I was too frightened at the repercusions so said no, just take him away, Yes my daughter is his child, this happened with my eldest daughter too who has now left home and I promised her i wouldnt let the same thing happen to her little sister as she saw as a child

So what do you think you will do now?
Tina x

caroleann

I have no one I could go and stay with, I have been advised to get a 'Non Molestation order to stop any more violence, I have been to my GP on solicitors advice and the Domestic Violence Support Group, and had the injury to my lip recorded, I got the first appointment that was available at the solicitors, he's upstairs now and I'm alone in the house the atmosphere is terrible we havent spoken a word since Mon, and my daughter shakes when he is any where near her, I dont want to distrupt her any more than she has been, I want her to stay here in her home and not be scared or intiminated by him, I feel so alone.

impy78

How are his family with you?

Is there any way you could speak to his brother and see if if your husband could go and stay with him?

What about your older daughter, could you stay with her for a few days?

caroleann

I dont know what to do, im in a kind of daze, The last time this happened he cancelled the direct debit for the mortgage and did'nt tell me, it was a case of 'If I'm not living there I'm not paying the mortgage' Its £700 a month, where will I get that kind of money from?

nearlyrich

Caroleanne Don't worry about the money, the priority is your safety and that of your daughter. Been there too many years ago, it's so hard to leave when you have nothing and no-one but I did it and lots of others on these forums have survived too.

We are all on your side don't let a bullying man ruin your life.

JAMIEDODGER

its happened before? oh hun. please get out now!!!!!!!!!! these men never change. have you any money in a savings account or any money available to keep you and your daughter going?

caroleann

I know, im mad, but its hard to leave everything, I have no where to go and very little savings, daughter has gone to stay with best friend for the night so she's safe at least, oldest daughter is here with me now and very supportive but goes home to Dublin on Mon night