Leaving abusive relationships (merged)

Bestthingsinlifearefree

djdido2 wrote:

hi there. i am back.

not been on for a wee while as i have had a turbulent few weeks where i have just kept myself really busy and had a bit of a break with my kids before they went back to school.

i bet of few of the posters were wondering where i had got to but i have been so very busy.
all positive though. cant wait to share my exciting news. that i am now free and happy. positive and things could not be better. hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

djdido

Great news Dj Dido,

I was wondering how you were getting on , glad things are going well :beer:

Best,

djdido2

yeah it is good news. not bin posting as now i dont have a problem.

i feel really good and look forward to a good future. just me and the kids.

thanks to those who have looked out for me! lost faith in the human race for a while and its so nice to have good people out there. bless you all

xx

n199dky

*destiny* wrote: »

I could really do with some help and advice if possible. I've decided after 15 years of marriage to leave my husband, we have 4 young children together and it isn't really something I've decided on lightly. However i've come to the conclusion that it would be best all round. He hasn't been physically violent all those years, it's been more the odd time when he's lost his rag and hit me, it's been more a case of emotional abuse over the years and i'd actually believed it was my fault. He hurt me badly on Tuesday and I guess that was the straw that broke the camels back, 3 of the the children where woken by my cries of pain and shouting and witnessed most of the event. I feel totally sickened and a dreadful mother because of this, I've spoken to them about it and explained that mum and dad are going to living apart very soon but my youngest who is just 5 is really upset about it all. She wants me to give dad another chance but I can't, he's had so many. Fotunately she didn't see any of what happened but has seen my injuries and heard the others talking so she is aware to some extent of whats happened.

At the moment I just feel everything i'm doing is wrong, I'm moving them out of their home their schools away from friends and I feel utterly disgusted with myself for it, but there is no other alternative. I won't go into all the details but there is no way hubby will leave the house we are in now. I am fortunate that I have another home that is currently being rented out. Their tenancy is due to expire at the end of this month so I do have somewhere to go, however I feel sick at the fact that I will have to move back to an area where there are also bad memories for me but I will also have the pressure of neighbours questions. I know that sounds completely selfish of me and I should be grateful that I have somewhere to go, when so many other women don't. I hate myself for the way i'm feeling, and sometimes think I deserve whats happening to me because of it.

My husband knows I'm leaving, whether he beleives it or not is another story and after the storm there is now the denial period, which is the normal stage he goes through every time. I'm then treated as if there is nothing wrong and it's all in my head. He tells me it's all my fault that I've made him do it when I ask why he treats me this way. Things have got prgressively worse over the past few months and although he denies there is anyone else, my gut feeling tells me something completely different. But then I am paranoid according to him so that could be the reason for it.

I know my real problems are yet to come, with the children and how to survive financially, i've not had any dealings with benefit offices for many many years so this is all very new to me, I've so far contacted the Income support office and asked for their advice but I have been told I have to be physically living in the house i'm moving to before I can make a claim. My other problem is furniture, there is no way he will let me take anything and it's more than likely that I will have to get out quickly whilst he's not here, and I have nothing, where do I turn ? I have no family to help me although I've told a close friend of mine what is happening and she has said she will do all she can to help, although her means are limited. I don't know what the hell to do.

i know things are not easy for u at the moment but its not fare on your children i have no family either but i managed to bring mine up i have worked all my life its amazing were you get the strength from you will be ok i was in the same situtation years ago and i am going through it again only he is not abusive well only with his mouth he says i am an idiot and not right in the head but i just laugh it off honestly dont let it to get to you your worth more
i posted a thread tonight and people on here are really great you take care

sarah_hamilton_2

hi after 12years of much the same my husband wouldnt leave either ive got 3 kids but one night after he had beaten me and broken my jaw (which at the time i didnt know till i got to the hospital) i waited till he had gone to sleep and phoned the police and they removed him from the house while i waited in a neighbors house with the kids i was so scared that night dont know where the courage came from but it was the best thing ive ever done for me and the kids he was charged and ordered to stay away from the house i had a panic alarm fitted free i had about 2 years . It went off a couple of times by accident the police were there in minutes anyway just dont be affraid get help all you have to do is ask thanks sarah