Leaving abusive relationships (merged)

Miroslav

djdido2 wrote:

not sure what that supposed to mean miroslav???? but thanks for your contribution.

strange??????????????

I posted a fairly long message, but regretted it later and edited it out.

I still have it if anyone thinks it may be useful to post it, as any post I make of any real length I write it in MS Word 1st as sometimes my browser crashes (and when you posted alot and go to post it as the browser crashes, I end up unamused!). It was about someone I know who goes from one abusive relationship to another because of her mental state, and I was just asking for some advice, but realised afterwards, there isn't alot anyone could say to change it, but if anyone wants to hear what I posted, then i'll repost it.

Horasio

I am feeling very upset.

My husband said something that really upset me and it made me cry.

Instead of comforting me and apologising, he blamed me and started shouting at me. I cried more and he kept on shouting

What sort of a person shouts at a person when they cry and said they are feeling upset by their shouting.

I am confused

janb5

So sorry CC Star that you are having a bad time right now. Sending you a hug to offer comfort.

When your husband calms down, tellhim you dont appreciate being spoken like that to . It is maddening when they think you have `gotover it` and you are still upset by it all.

Horasio

janb5 wrote:

So sorry CC Star that you are having a bad time right now. Sending you a hug to offer comfort.

When your husband calms down, tellhim you dont appreciate being spoken like that to . It is maddening when they think you have `gotover it` and you are still upset by it all.

Thank you

Yes he called me and acted like nothing had happened. I told him I was upset at being shouted at in that way.

He still manages to find a way to blame me and is adamant, so feel he lacks empathy towards me.

I feel really wretched just now

anguk

janb5 wrote:

When your husband calms down, tellhim you dont appreciate being spoken like that to . It is maddening when they think you have `gotover it` and you are still upset by it all.

My husband does that sometimes if we've had an arguement, after a while he feels fine and just assumes if he's okay I am, it drives me mad. It's as though if he feels happy I should too

I'm sorry you're upset CC Star, unfortunately I think that sometimes some men know they've been wrong but a bit of male ego kicks in and they just don't like to admit it so tend to lay the blame on someone else.

Miroslav

anguk wrote:

My husband does that sometimes if we've had an arguement, after a while he feels fine and just assumes if he's okay I am, it drives me mad. It's as though if he feels happy I should too

I'm sorry you're upset CC Star, unfortunately I think that sometimes some men know they've been wrong but a bit of male ego kicks in and they just don't like to admit it so tend to lay the blame on someone else.

I think that's why my female flatmate thinks I am 'feminine' as she says it doesn't mean I am gay, as I always feel guilty if I as much as raise my voice, because I can apologise.

I'm going to post my comment I deleted, as I said I might (above)

I'll probably leave it a while and if no-one replies, delete it, as sometimes I post and regret it, as I feel silly for asking about some things at are important (I can ask what media player I need, but not usually ask for advice)

Anyway, I wrote this:

Here's one for you all.........

My friend has this friend, now I really like her, but nothing will ever happen, she's wayyyyyyyyyyy out of my league physically, but she has mental problems, which makes her very vulnerable.

She's very open and friendly, she just wants a guy to like her, but she sleeps around looking for that guy.

As soon as she tells them about her mental problems (psychosis I believe), the trouble starts.

Most walk away, but a couple have beaten her up for not telling them she was mentally ill, as they wouldn't have touched her otherwise, and I think 3 or 4 have got into a relationship with her, but they've all emotionally/physically abused her after a few weeks, because she's a 'Retard' or a 'freak'

Now, I can't do anything, firstly because she's so desperate to be cared about, but she doesn't talk to me. My friend says it's because she is scared of me, more so than other guys, because of my size and that I would do serious damage, yet no matter how much my flatmate tells her i'm the gentlest guy ever, she's scared of me

Secondly, I don't know if any of these guys are still in contact with her, as some were real control freaks, so If I get involved, I may be able to handle them physically, but not a group of them, or if they had weapons (I don't know this to be the case, but I need to consider it! It may be she never see's any of them anymore)

I know when she went away to College, she met some people, and because she is so honest, she told them about her issues, they all walked away.

How the hell, do I, or anyone else help, get her out of these situations she gets herself in.

She's constantly falling into abusive relationships and don't want her to get hurt anymore

I just fear she will forever be in abusive relationships.

In an ideal world, she'd come live with me and let me look after her, but it's not going to happen!

Horasio

That makes me so sad Miroslav.

I guess you can't stop her from getting into relationships that aren't good for her. I guess, you could be a good trustworthy friend to her, which is what she needs now.

She will have to learn how far to tell the truth and how to conduct her relationships herself.

Miroslav

CCStar wrote:

That makes me so sad Miroslav.

I guess you can't stop her from getting into relationships that aren't good for her. I guess, you could be a good trustworthy friend to her, which is what she needs now.

She will have to learn how far to tell the truth and how to conduct her relationships herself.

The thing is, she doesn't see me as a friend, or at least has not given me the indication she thinks of me as a friend. She says hello and goodbye, but nothing else, if she has to ask something, she'll ask my flatmate/friend to ask me, even if i'm standing right next to her. I appreciate i'm considerably bigger than most people, and she may well be scared as smaller guys than me have really hurt her physically, but no matter how hard I try, and I do make extra extra effort with her as I know she's very fragile, she won't come round to have a proper conversation with me, and it does my head in, as I really like her. She's not like most young ladies in her attitude and you can only tell she has problems if you get to know her. She can speak a bit 'slow' if she's having a bad medication day, but that's it.

I know she'll have to learn herself, but when you care about someone, you just want to take there pain away.

Sadly, I am not a superhero

I hope you feel better soon, it's not nice when someone shouts at you, especially when you have explained it's upsetting you. I've lived with 2 females who blame(d) me for everything and then later that day/next day, think everything is alright, and then get angry again when I'm still in a mood.

Chin Up

Horasio

Miroslav, if she is scared of you, you have to perservere, without being too full on. She needs to trust you and if you are there for her, she will hopefully talk to you. It sounds like it will take time and patience on your part.

You sound to be a lovely person, knowing her health issues and still wanting to be her genuine friend.

Miroslav

CCStar wrote:

Miroslav, if she is scared of you, you have to perservere, without being too full on. She needs to trust you and if you are there for her, she will hopefully talk to you. It sounds like it will take time and patience on your part.

You sound to be a lovely person, knowing her health issues and still wanting to be her genuine friend.

Yeah, I'm just frustrated It hurts when i've seen her and she looks scared. I'm not the kind of person to be full on anyway. My flatmate has known me for nearly 14 years, and she's always telling her how gentle I really am. I gues it just hurts a bit that she goes off with loads of guys, but the one who genuinely cares is someone she's afraid of. Maybe it's the thought of someone actually caring that she is scared of, I don't know. I'm not a hugely emotional person on the outside (In the way I don't like to show people my hurt) but have to admit to a few tears at night lately because of her.

I'll keep being me, and hope one day she learns to trust me and accepts my support and friendship