Leaving abusive relationships (merged)

MeMe

Hi *destiny*, I don't have any advice to offer, but I just wanted to say well done for getting this far, it takes a lot of courage to do what you've done. Don't give up, and eventually things will be better than you ever could have imagined.

Best wishes and good luck

tallnposh

*Destiny*, I just wanted to say that I read this thread and it brought it all home to me again...I remember what it's like living with somone who is violent and abusive, I am so glad that you are out of all of that turmoil, however I will just say this, to all of the people that have read this and posted etc, my biggest regret was the fact that I didn't go to the doctor and have my injuries photographed, I was terrified that my husband would find out. I had to have a lot of time off work as my face was sometimes so badly bruised but no photographic proof. One other thing, it's not so easy calling the police when your violent husband IS the police, and I knew for a fact that there would be a cover up so he wouldn't be found out. However, I did leave him, I have a wonderful life now, have put the weight back on that I lost when I was living in fear of my life and I don't spend my time walking "on eggshells" as I did then. I hope that all of the posts on this thread will maybe help someone else, just remember IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!

Ember999

tallnposh wrote:

*Destiny*, I just wanted to say that I read this thread and it brought it all home to me again...I remember what it's like living with somone who is violent and abusive, I am so glad that you are out of all of that turmoil, however I will just say this, to all of the people that have read this and posted etc, my biggest regret was the fact that I didn't go to the doctor and have my injuries photographed, I was terrified that my husband would find out. I had to have a lot of time off work as my face was sometimes so badly bruised but no photographic proof. One other thing, it's not so easy calling the police when your violent husband IS the police, and I knew for a fact that there would be a cover up so he wouldn't be found out. However, I did leave him, I have a wonderful life now, have put the weight back on that I lost when I was living in fear of my life and I don't spend my time walking "on eggshells" as I did then. I hope that all of the posts on this thread will maybe help someone else, just remember IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!

Hi Hon,
I don't know About in the past, I imagine there may have been cover-ups in the Police as you say but I can testify to the fact that nowadays they take accusations of domestic violence against an Officer very seriously. The wife/partner would be put on the 'at risk' register they hold, the address would be flagged so that any calls from that address would receive an immediate response and the Officer accused would be FULLY investigated. There is Domestic violence in every occupation, it is not profession specific and thankfully nowadays every occupation has it's own methods for dealing with it properly.
I am pleased you escaped safely.

Ember xx

bethscott1970

*Destiny* I know you will be back to read this thread and hopefully you have stuck to your guns and are free now. I was in almost the same situation as you 5 years ago, now you have made that first step please stick to it. There will be tough times hun and if you're anything like me you will look back and wonder "was it really his fault, maybe if I give him one last chance" the simple answer is NO!
It will take time to rebuild your selfconfidence but believe me when I say your children will one day thank you for leaving.
My kids were 8, 7 and 7 when I walked out one night with a binbag full of their clothes and a holdall of toys (managed to forget anything for me to wear ). Apply for income support, if you are entitled, and at the same time appy for a crisis grant. They gave me nearly £2000 to buy clothes, basic furniture and a fridge for my sons medication and it is not repayable. With creative buying and a lot of make do I managed to furnish a 3 bedroom house on that, ok it was basic but we were warm, safe and free to start anew.
Your children will adjust quicker than you expect, my daughter was screaming the night I left but now she admits she was more afraid of the unknown than of her dad no matter how violent he was.
Please post when you can just to let us know how you are and I'm sure no matter how things are going there are people on here than can help with just about anything.

*destiny*

Hi and thank you to you all for your continued support

I have remained strong and am so far doing ok, there is a lot I need to sort out and not sure of the future but already it's looking brighter if a little scary. My kids are doing fine so far, we've had the odd upset over wanting to call up and speak to dad over the weekend from the youngest, but we got through it ok.

I don't want to go into to many details as I don't want to arouse suspicion but just wanted to let you all know I'm fine.

I just hope that if nothing else comes out of this for me that if at least one person reads this thread who's in a similar postion, feels strong enough to walk away from it and get the help thats out there, I'll be a very happy women.

Thankyou all so very very much xxxxx

Swattie

Hi *destiny*

Only just found this thread.

You should be so proud of yourself for taking positive steps to get yourself and your children away from a violent man.

I know they'll thank you in years to come.

If you're anywhere in Northants, Beds or Bucks - PM me.

Jay-Jay_4

Good to hear from you *destiny*. I'm really pleased that things are moving forward for you and your children.

Keep us informed just so that we know that you're safe and well

Take care x x x

Mumstheword

(((hugs)))

keep well, and take care. log on whenever you can for support, we are all with you!
Mumsx

Dumyat

well done. Must have been very hard and I'm sure there will be hard times to come....but it will be so worth it.

suekjw

Thanks for letting us know you are doing OK. Stay strong.