Leaving abusive relationships (merged)

N9eav

Fran wrote:

I am not disagreeing about the importance of contacting the police, it's just that so many posts have screamed out "police" as though that will solve the problem. It won't.

I agree, it's mainly the short term solution. The long term solution is the victims decisions, aided by councellors, solicitors, refuges and other agencies. Everyone should play their part

*destiny*

Thank you again for all your advice and support, your all wonderful

I've been trying to contact womens aid since yesterday, still no joy unfortunately, however my friend got me the number of someone else who I called this morning and had a long chat with she was fantastic and put me in touch with someone who can help me now. They've arranged for somewhere for me and my children to go today and we will be going there this afternoon. I've got an appointment to see someone Monday morning to get me something more permanent, I explained everything to her about the house I have but she feels it would be unwise for me to take the children there and she is working something out for me. I do feel dreadful that i'm taking up people's time and effort with all this when I'm certain there are people in far worse situations than me. But everyone I've spoken to today have been absolutely amazing and have done so much to help me, I didn't have a clue that there was so much help out there if you just make that first call. I'm absolutely terrified and I feel sick at whats happening but at least I've made the first step to freedom now and theres no going back.

I wont be able to read any messages from anyone after this afternoon until I'm able to get to a library or settled somewhere but I just wanted to let you all know that you've been fab and I can't thank you enough for all your words of wisdom and advice.

Thanks xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

rchddap1

Thank you for letting us know that you are sorting yourself out and have found a source of help. I'm glad that you're not going to your house, and for a while things will be difficult. But whenever times get tough you just have to remember that its better than being back where you were.

Stay strong, and stay positive.

payless

Best of luck
Unfortunately I had heard that accessing Women Aid's resources was not always easy - hence my original suggestion to look at other DV organisations

Can't say I disagree with you not going back to the old house at this stage, BUT remember its your life and whilst you should take guidance , these people are
there to assist you in helping you get what you want out of this change.

Ember999

I have only just found this thread. I am so pleased she has contacted the relavent agencies to remove her and her children from the family home and the source of fear and violence, her husband. I wish her all the best

Ember xx

Fran

destiny,

That's great, you sound really positive, good luck with everything.

payless

On a realsitic note, life in a DV hostel is not all a bed of roses, and will be even harder with a number of small children , who might get to see or hear things/ people that you have previously "protected" them from in the past, so try and be prepared for that / their reactions

Loretta

N9eav wrote:

One of the problems here is that both are right. I sadly have to say that I have dealt with loads of DV crime. I have knicked 2 people in the past 2 days for domestic incidents, in fact it's horrifying to see how common it is out there.

1. Police will deal positively with every domestic complaint
2. If you are being abused or just have been call 999 asap.
3. The offender will likely be be arrested and questioned if there is a complaint of assault or threats to kills etc. This will happen as soon as he or she even is located.

4. SNAG. Don't be put off, but the courts are the stumbling block. As with anything evidence is required. If the attacks are historic then the evidence may be already healed and it will be one word against the other in the court room. Even with injuries it's difficult. I had one case where a female was headbutted breaking her nose. The offender said she was drunk and slipped in the bath, the doctor refused to be drawn on how the injuries could have been caused, so the jury found him not guilty. I was really P,d off about it.

The important thing however is to log it with the police now , if it happens again call them again asap. It is worth it even without a conviction as they can impose conditions on the offender to protect you in the interim. The DV officer can also give some great advice.

Use all the assets availble to help you, like what has already bee suggested by others. The fact is you have now decided to do something about the years of abuse. It won't be easy but you can start to rebuild a safe life for yourself.

At last a positive vote for the police. You have to start the ball rolling, an assault last Tuesday with bruises stil there is enough and you can mention the background, he will probably be arrested while the police look into it and he will be on police bail and they can impose conditions to the bail ie. not live in the house, not go round to the house, do not contact Destiny etc whatever suits the siutation, he may not get the messgae immediately and if he breaks the bail conditions he will be arrested again and spend the night in a cell, quite a shock for someone if it is the first time, if he keeps breaking his bail conditions bail will be withdrawn.

Log it with the police, this is a start, they will tell you if they can prosecute or they may ask you to keep a record of EVERYTHING, you do not have to be beaten to a pulp verbal abuse and threats to be included. DV office are the experts and can help you so much. Once you contact them you will realise what you have been through, I don't think you really do at the moment, you will then have someone on YOUR side and you will be able to contact them for advice. No one will rush you. you can do it in your own time.

N9eav your person with the broken nose, you will get him next time, he won't stop, he'll do it again but no one has told him not to yet!

N9eav

Loretta_Tucker wrote:

they can impose conditions to the bail ie. not live in the house, not go round to the house, do not contact Destiny etc whatever suits the siutation, he may not get the messgae immediately and if he breaks the bail conditions he will be arrested again and spend the night in a cell, quite a shock for someone if it is the first time, if he keeps breaking his bail conditions bail will be withdrawn.

!

Just a word or so on legal stuff. The offender has to be charged to court for bail conditions to be imposed. So victims cooperation is needed. Don't feel guilty the next day and withdraw your statement

Loretta

*destiny* wrote:

Thank you again for all your advice and support, your all wonderful

I've been trying to contact womens aid since yesterday, still no joy unfortunately, however my friend got me the number of someone else who I called this morning and had a long chat with she was fantastic and put me in touch with someone who can help me now. They've arranged for somewhere for me and my children to go today and we will be going there this afternoon. I've got an appointment to see someone Monday morning to get me something more permanent, I explained everything to her about the house I have but she feels it would be unwise for me to take the children there and she is working something out for me. I do feel dreadful that i'm taking up people's time and effort with all this when I'm certain there are people in far worse situations than me. But everyone I've spoken to today have been absolutely amazing and have done so much to help me, I didn't have a clue that there was so much help out there if you just make that first call. I'm absolutely terrified and I feel sick at whats happening but at least I've made the first step to freedom now and theres no going back.

I wont be able to read any messages from anyone after this afternoon until I'm able to get to a library or settled somewhere but I just wanted to let you all know that you've been fab and I can't thank you enough for all your words of wisdom and advice.

Thanks xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I am so pleased to hear that something is happening and you have made a move, I think that the fact that you are receiving help today must show you that someone is taking this very seriously and you now understand why we were all so concerned about you, well done and the very best of luck. Find that library or a computer to use and keep in touch and let us all now how you a doing, we will all be thinking of you and you know from the past couple of days you have friends here and we will continue to give you any help we can