Leaving abusive relationships (merged)

payless

You will still need to take legal advice over financial matters

I'm sure most Women's Aid / DV groups / CAB will have access to initial free legal help, but if dealing with solicitors make sure you understand what their costs are and what if any, assistance towards them is available.

I notice http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/adviceline.html have a free legal helpline
020 7251 6577

also from their site there is more information about injunctions and occupation orders
- some areas of which have changed this month

Loretta

This is incorrect, how can she phone the police when she is actually being attacked? People always report a crime after it has been committed, how can the police get there when it is going on, how on earth can she phone in the middle of all this? Your have to start somewhere, if she has to go to or phone several different places, she couldn't get through to Women's Aid and CAB have odd hours, she will give up I expect her time for phoning is limited and she has to take her chance.

An offence, a crime, has already been committed, over a long time but more recently last Tuesday and she has the bruises. why shouldn't the police believe her and take action? Phone the police, this is a crime and it only complicates things if she starts phoning all different people and organisations. she is not up to this at the moment, she still thinks it is all her fault. First and formost her and her children's safety comes first. After that Women's Aid, solicitors etc

Please do something and do it today

rchddap1

Have to agree about the 'call police during the abuse' bit. How on earth is that supposed to work? "Stop abusing me for a second dear husband so that I can report you to the police"

Jay-Jay_4

Hiya *destiny*

You've already had all the advice I could offer you so I won't repeat it.

Just wanted you to know that there are plent of people on your side, don't let the b*****d grind you down.

Loretta_Tucker wrote:

You are not on your own you have all of us now. If you lived near me I wold come with you, I live in Sussex, if you are anywhere in the SE contact me and I will do anything I can to help

...and I'm in Lancashire, you only have to ask.

N9eav

Loretta_Tucker wrote:

This is incorrect, how can she phone the police when she is actually being attacked?

An offence, a crime, has already been committed, over a long time but more recently last Tuesday and she has the bruises. why shouldn't the police believe her and take action? Phone the police, this is a crime and it only complicates things if she starts phoning all different people and organisations. she is not up to this at the moment, she still thinks it is all her fault. First and formost her and her children's safety comes first. After that Women's Aid, solicitors etc

Please do something and do it today

One of the problems here is that both are right. I sadly have to say that I have dealt with loads of DV crime. I have knicked 2 people in the past 2 days for domestic incidents, in fact it's horrifying to see how common it is out there.

1. Police will deal positively with every domestic complaint
2. If you are being abused or just have been call 999 asap.
3. The offender will likely be be arrested and questioned if there is a complaint of assault or threats to kills etc. This will happen as soon as he or she even is located.

4. SNAG. Don't be put off, but the courts are the stumbling block. As with anything evidence is required. If the attacks are historic then the evidence may be already healed and it will be one word against the other in the court room. Even with injuries it's difficult. I had one case where a female was headbutted breaking her nose. The offender said she was drunk and slipped in the bath, the doctor refused to be drawn on how the injuries could have been caused, so the jury found him not guilty. I was really P,d off about it.

The important thing however is to log it with the police now , if it happens again call them again asap. It is worth it even without a conviction as they can impose conditions on the offender to protect you in the interim. The DV officer can also give some great advice.

Use all the assets availble to help you, like what has already bee suggested by others. The fact is you have now decided to do something about the years of abuse. It won't be easy but you can start to rebuild a safe life for yourself.

N9eav

Happy to help with all Police related Domestic violence matters

elona

I think it is great that there are offers of help and support.:A

Just want to add my support for OP - please get yourself somewhere safe and let people know what is happening - people like him rely on secrecy and embarassment.

Savvy_Sue

Now my contribution - maybe because you own another property you don't 'feel' you should take up a council property, and maybe they won't give you one, but I thought with DV the situation was different, so ask Women's Aid and CAB about this. You would be better getting right away, IMO.

Fran

Loretta_Tucker wrote:

This is incorrect, how can she phone the police when she is actually being attacked? ..................................................................First and formost her and her children's safety comes first. After that Women's Aid, solicitors etc

I am not disagreeing about the importance of contacting the police, it's just that so many posts have screamed out "police" as though that will solve the problem. It won't. The only way if this is ongoing is to get out, that's why I'm stressing the importance of being in contact with Women's Aid and knowing what number to phone to get into a refuge for example. As destiny has decided to leave then the best way to leave has to be sorted out - before the police need to be involved again. I was rather taking it without saying that she would either have been in contact with the police already about the recent abuse or would do so. However a lot of people won't report abuse because of possible repercutions, especially when living in the same house and with the kids to think of at the same time.

As you said, the children's safety is paramount which is why Women's Aid and refuges are so important as they provide somewhere to go to get away from the abuse and begin, with help, to sort out everything else.

Destiny,

I'm sorry that this has turned into a "technical" discussion. I hope these posts are of use to you.

Women's Aid website

Refuge website

24-hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline
0808 2000 247
Run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge

payless

Its a sad fact that many of the DV support systems other than advice/ counselling
( ie legal aid, housing and even possibly access to refuges) are less accessable to those that are working ( even on lowish salary) or have funds ( ie savings/ property)