Leaving abusive relationships (merged)

hilary1

Leave him now, he will never change no matter what he says.

I dont want to be hard but why are you putting a violent man before your daughter.

Dont you realise the damage it does to her to see arguements and violence.

Believe me I know this from experience. You and your child are far more important than believing you actually love some-one who can hurt you.

Its not love its mental cruelty and you will end up believing its all your fault.

Get out now. He will not change :mad:

caroleann

He would'nt go to stay with his brother, I know that for certain, his other brother and his wife have been great, very supportive and could'nt believe he has hit me, and has been for years, its been a while since he has raised his hands, but the abuse is emotional, psycological and mental.It has been kept secret of course.

Oscar

Seek help from womens aid immediately. Yes it will be difficult but better making the move than later regretting it. Get your name down on the council waiting list for a home. Ask to speak to someone in confidence and explain your problems. Contact the police again and ask if they have a domestic violence liason officer.If they have these people work with people in your situation all the time and are best to advise.
Dont stay there for the sake of your children as if they are subjected to such behaviour they come to look on it as the norm and may later find themselves in an abusive relationship.

tina68

Caroleanne if you do just one thing for yourself and your daughter get out..i left with a rucksack..few pounds in my purse and a crying son...we moved 400 miles away to be with this man and i really had no family or friends to go to..but i survived..you think you won't but you do i promise..this brings back so many memories for me and i know how you feel about leaving but you will get stronger..things will always be the same if you stay put but you are the only person who can change things..what's going to happen next time,your daughter might jump to your defence and get caught up in the cross fire and get injured herself..now i know you don't want that do you..it will never change..the man i left took up with another lassie who has a daughter of 9 and now he's moved her away from her family and friends down to the Borders and i can see it happening to her..leaving him was the best thing i ever did
Take care
Tina x x x

SCREAMIN_BABIES

hi caroleann
i know its easier said than done ive been there but you do need to get out i put up with it for years but the moment my son witnessed it i left , it was my house but i left with the cloths on mine and my sons back .
my son had to see a child pshycologist because of what he saw and i swear i will never put my children through it again .
f**k the house and every thing in it material can be replaced lives cant . trust me it only gets worse if you stay not better , they dont change they get nastier cause they have got away with it .
really tho babe what ever you do take care and be stong if not for yourself for your kids you make the choices that make the rest of there lifes , good luck babe .xxxx

astonsmummy

i'm speaking here as someone who grew up with a violent nasty father, the best thing you could do is get out of there, it may disrupt your daughter a bit but trust me, in the long run it would be the best decision you ever made, for both of you.
my mum stayed with my dad for 25 years and she always says she wish she'd of left sooner, i understand it is scary and hard but you can do it, there is loads of help out there, i ended up in a refuge with my son and they were so supportive, they can help you with getting a new home and allsorts.
you seem to me like you are ready but just need that support well i'm sure i speak for everyone here when i say that we r all here for you xx

silverfoxdude

Hi, havent had chance to read any replies, but I know you'll have had some good advice from everyone. I was in 2 violent marriages and it has damaged me and my DS. Please seek help, and I have found the NSPCC a great help, (link below).

You dont need to put up with any abuse, and if you stay your also sying to your DD that its ok to be treated like this.

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/html/home/home.htm

Take care xx

skintchick

You must leave, please do it. There are plenty of places that can help you, but please leave him. You do NOT deserve this treatment and your daughter certianly doesn;t.

Big hugs

Ember999

Yes, leave and take your children to safety. My mother allowed me to be brought up in a violent home where I used to hear my mother's screams as he battered her. It never did stop, like he used to promise, it just got worse. When I got to 14 he started on me. I left home at 17 a damaged, untrusting young girl and to a degree that earlier experience of violence ruined my 20's. It's taken me 20 years to get over the abuse I suffered and watched my mother suffer. Don't put your kids through what my mother put me through. Being perfectly honest with you, I grew to hate my mother. I resented the fact that she didn't protect me. She didn't take me away. She did not protect her child! I haven't spoken to my mother since and in fact I don't even think of her as 'mother' as she doesn't deserve that title. No mother would allow her child to witness abuse nor suffer it. My mother did both those things. Leave him, get away and save your child from having a childhood like mine.

Ember xx

rainbowsox

please, please leave...he won't get better, he will do it again..and again..and again...he's threatened to kill you...who's going to look after your daughter if he carries out his threat??
there are lots of us out there who've left a house, possessions, friends, work and lots of other things to escape a violent partner, and at the time it really is so desperately hard...but everything material can be replaced, whereas you and your daughter are irreplaceable...
as other posters have said, there is help out there...
good luck, lots of hugs and please, please stay safe.
rainbow xxx