Leaving abusive relationships (merged)

rchddap1

Well done for taking a good first step. No-one deserves to go through what you are right now. I know you're worried over what his reaction is going to be, but try to think of it as a necessary step to protect the basic rights of yourself and your children. Take things step by step....at whatever pace you feel comfortable at....remembering that you and your children deserve to live you lives without fear.

caroleann

Thanks Black Saturn, How do I press your 'Thanks' button/
I'm sitting here all churned up, he got all dressed up last night and went out stinking of aftershave, I'd sort of guessed he was going to see a room in a shared house as he'd left the local paper lying around and I saw an ad ticked, That scares me witless too, if he's out-no money, have sent for an application form for a council house in the area, wish I could go there now.

vyvyan_2

Hi Caroleann - good to see you post again - I've been keeping an eye out for you!

Well done for seeing the solicitor. I hope you can get some plan together very soon. Your remark about him brooding worries me. I don't think you have much time on you side before the next incident. I remember that 'brooding' part and you never know what or when to expect.

If you need support and/or advice pop on here - thinking of you V xx

caroleann

Thanks for your kind advice, wish I was a stronger personality, I'm as soft as clarts

Fran

Caroleann wrote:

......... and could'nt believe he has hit me, and has been for years, its been a while since he has raised his hands, but the abuse is emotional, psycological and mental.It has been kept secret of course.

Caroleann,

He won't stop. You have to get out. Then you will be able to think clearly. Contact Women's Aid. If you visit their website there will be no record of it. There are "footprints" at the top of the home page where it says "cover your tracks".

Try it. You can always go back (but once you are out you probably won't want to).

WOMEN'S AID.

Please try it.

rchddap1

The thanks buttons appear to have disappeared yet again.....they must have caught yo-yo syndrome.

As for him possibly looking for somewhere else....surely this is good news! If he isn't there he can't cause you or your children any more damage. The no money bit is scary, but think about what's worse....living as you are, or finding a way to cope without his income. You can make this work on your own...many women have done this in the past.

But that is what women's aid is for. No matter what you tell them they will have heard that and worse many times before. Their job is to support and help you. They might even be able to bump you up on the council's priority list due to your risky situation. Think of it this way.....it can't hurt to ask can it?

caroleann

Thank you V, I have to admit I'm worried sick at whats he's going to do next, think of the worst thing possible and that will be it!!!
His wedding ring and 'good' watch that I bought him was left off this morning right where I would see them, mines been off since the night he hit me.

Fran

Caroleann wrote:

Thanks for your kind advice, wish I was a stronger personality, I'm as soft as clarts

I'm SURE you are stronger than you realise. This man has been dominating you for a number of years and it's time you had some space to realise what you CAN do. Don't wait for him to move - it's YOUR move.

caroleann

I will wait til my oldest [24] daughter arrived from Dublin at the weekend, she will give me the support I need, wish she lived closer, the injunction should be in place by then and hopeflly he may have gone to the place he viewed last night.

black-saturn

Caroleann wrote:

Thanks Black Saturn, How do I press your 'Thanks' button/
I'm sitting here all churned up, he got all dressed up last night and went out stinking of aftershave, I'd sort of guessed he was going to see a room in a shared house as he'd left the local paper lying around and I saw an ad ticked, That scares me witless too, if he's out-no money, have sent for an application form for a council house in the area, wish I could go there now.

Have you got proof he's been violent like a police incident number or records from a hospital visit? They will want to see them at the council before they offer you accomodation otherwise anyone could walk in and demand a house.

I still daily think about the day I walked out. It was just over 5 years ago and I walked out with the 2 children (then aged 6 and 3), 2 carrier bags of clothes, my mobile phone and £5 in my purse in the middle of the night in the snow with nowhere to go. The feeling I got when I stepped out the door was an unbelieveable rush of freedom. I didnt know where the hell I was going or what was going to happen to us but I knew damn well I was never going back. I walked to the womens refuge who put us up.