Leaving abusive relationships (merged)

caroleann

Yes I have proof, a crime reference no. and a visit to my GP to record the injury to my lip, You are one brave girl, I admire you.

caroleann

p.s. have spoken to Womans aid this morning, they offered me a refuge but I refused that, then they said to register with the job centre to say I'm single and maybe get an emergency loan, he has'nt given daughter dinner money or ANYTHING!! not even a kind word since last Monday.

black-saturn

Why did you refuse a refuge? It's a safe house for you to go and a stepping stone to a place of your own. How can you register as being single if you are living with him?

mummysaver

Well done Carolann. Is it possible for your younger daughter to go to a friend's house at the weekend, so that if everything becomes a big fraught she won't be there to witness it.

Also whilst he is out of the house make sure that you pack any documents that you will need, passport, driving licence, birth certificates, etc. And remember some clean undies, other peoples clothes are fine, but it's always nice to have your own underwear! Don't forgot your youngest daughter's favourite bits too. If necessary the policy will help you to leave the house with your belongings, but if you can leave some bit somewhere else that is safe, such as a friend or relatives house that may help.

Best wishes to you and your daughters.

black-saturn

Also whenever you get any spare change or some extra money you should put it aside in a place where he cant find it (or ideally get someone else to look after it for you). Even a few pence a day will add up.

Best of luck.

Fran

I'm not sure why you want to wait for your eldest daughter to arrive. So she can witness more of the same? You said she pleaded with you not to put her sister through the same and yet you are.

Don't be afraid to call the police, he is a bully and you need some support to "bully" him back. Next time get him arrested (I say next time because it seems you are making excuses to stay there).

Your daughter might want to read this website The Hideout. It's for children and young people suffering through domestic abuse.

Don't be afraid, you will have support from Women's Aid and they will sort out the practical things. You also have a lot of support on this website.

He has already scared your children stiff, how much more are you going to take? You can stop it NOW by going with your daughter to the refuge and clearing your head and getting some sleep.

I know that it's a big step for you, but you can do it and your life and that of your daughters will be much, much better.

november

Caroleann wrote:

p.s. have spoken to Womans aid this morning, they offered me a refuge but I refused that, then they said to register with the job centre to say I'm single and maybe get an emergency loan, he has'nt given daughter dinner money or ANYTHING!! not even a kind word since last Monday.

Caroleann

Its hard to leave - why should you etc etc? Also its quite normal to phone Womens Aid and say no - doesn't mean you can't phone them back and say yes. Please do this.

At the end of the day a house is a house. Your daughter's stability isn't with the house its with you. I moved to a refuge with my children and they are fine. Its years ago now and I now own my own house.

A refuge is just that. A safe place where you can stay while you sort it all out - claiming benefits if you need them, getting a solicitor, sorting out injunctions etc. You may be able to return, you may not. If not you can get help getting somewhere else. A council house isn't the end of the road. In my case it wasn't even forever.

You can get your daughter's support while you are in the refuge - you can tell her where you are. As long as no-one tells him you are fine and safe and can get help, support and advice which you need.

You are far far stronger than you realise. You must be to have lived with it. You won't know how strong you are until you leave. Yes its scary when you are wondering about money/houses etc but once you leave you will also realise that sorting out money and houses is far less scary than living with fear of violence.

Good luck, best wishes and keep taking those steps to freedom. You deserve it and so do your daughters.

sootypea

Hi I work with women suffering D/V go to the local town hall homeless families unit they will accommodate you imedietley and they will appoint a worker to support you with money crisis loans off DHSS I am afraid social services will only give £1.50 per day per child not even enough for a school dinner if like our council they take D/V seriously they will have a legal department that will take your case on free and sanctuary your house this means reinforcing doors windows and putting a panic room in the house we did this twice last week for homeowners that wanted to remain in there own homes. please think of yourself and your daughter get out before he does it again

jellyhead

if he leaves, or if she leaves the house the daughter will get free school meals won't she?

not giving the child her lunch money is a nasty thing to do. if he was a decent person he wouldn't do it, how dare he treat a child that way?!!

he's trying to frighten you at the thought of having no/limited money to live on, and leaving the wedding ring and newspaper lying around is the same kind of trick, trying to make you think it's a bad thing to lose him. it's not. a man worth keeping wouldn't leave a child without lunch money.

what happens to the child benefit, tax credits etc? do you have a bank account?

tiptoes

Carolanne I agree that the leaving the wedding ring, watch and newpaper are all psychological mind games Not giving your daughter dinner money, is also a way of toying with you. I can only echo what others have already said get yourself and your daughter out of there, no house is worth your life and in the end that might be the price you'll pay. Please phone womens aid and except their offer of accomadation.

You are a strong woman and though at the moment you doubt whether you will be able to survive outside of this abusive realtionship believe me living in a council house and on benefits, is far better for yourself and your daughter than anything that your present situation has to offer.


Take care of you and yours