Leaving abusive relationships (merged)

wigginsmum

Keep adding on this one - it'll be in one place and easier for people to keep track of.

dd = dear daughter
ds = dear son
dh/dw = dear husband/wife
oh = other half

elona

Just keep adding to this thread.

DS dear son

DD dear daughter

DH dear husband

DW dear wife

SIL sister in law etc.

Murtle

Emotional abuse is hard to understand when you are living in it as it appears normal to others and so you start to belive it's normal. It is not normal, and no one should call you a slag/slapper etc for ANY reason.

I asked for a divorce from my ex - he refused, I stayed with him.....can you believe it.....I eventually left him....but didn't realise for a while what he was like....during the divorce he went from nice kind guy, to agressive evil sod, to nice kind guy....it was an emotional roller coaster, and one I am now finally off.

Good luck, and am thinking of you tonight and hoping things go well.

ps if you venture onto the Old Style Board, DW is a dishwasher! It confused me for a while as I like to flit between boards!!!

Any way hugs for now

x x x

Littlemiss-lotsofdebt

I've just caught up with his thread and have been horrifed at your partner's behaviour. :eek:

I'm also alarmed but not totally shocked that ex OH's I adored and suffered considerably with, formed part of Black Saturns 'Mr Wrong' list. I've had the misfortune (along with many other people) to experience domestic violence, cheating and abuse.

I really do hope you manage to sort things out, I've learnt only recently that it is not just how you feel about something that shows what kind of person you are, but also how you manage it.

Very best wishes,
LMLOD xxx

msmicawber

Hi there,

Was thinking about you and how you're getting on. I'm glad Black Saturn's caught up with the thread and can give you some advice as well.

Hope all's going well - keep posting and let us know how you are.

xx

Dora_the_Explorer_5

I'm another one who's is very pleased Black Saturn has caught up with this thread and is posting useful stuff.

It sounds like the boyfie is extremely insecure and has no self confidence or self esteem, hence his always making sure the OP is in the wrong, and then he can't be. Which of course is ridiculous.

I really don't like giving advice but would like to offer a tip. When the boyfie demands to know what's been said, who's been seen - don't answer. Change the subject and continue to not answer any questions which are interrogatory rather than lovingly interested. HTH, good luck.

thyme_2

(Hugs) for you its sounds quite upsetting but talking about it does help and gives you several diff opinions about what to do and you will have to do what suits you and your family at the end of the day.

You could turn it around when he questions you and ask him who, where and what? You can bet he will not like it so you can make the point - you get what you give me! Do the same for any other treatment that is out of order. Its worth a try - he might not realise how its been for you some people can be very thoughtless until it pointed out to them. Best wishes to you and your children.

black-saturn

djdido2 wrote:

he is not violent so i have been unable to make the abuse connection but lots of posters have said that emotional abuse is worse.

Thats the problem with most people. They are not being physically abused, only emotionally abused so they take a while to convince that they are suffering from abuse and that it can leave longer lasting damage.

Keep posting on this thread and I'll check up on it as often as I can.

lynzpower

HI there

Just spotted this, and want to send you a massive hug.

To be called a slag for going to buy a pint of milk or whatever is so far out of order, words fail me.

He should not be contributing to your family network, as far as I can see whtever positives have been outweighed by the negatives of verbal abuse, raking through your phone and other suspicious and controlling behaviours.

Having worked with women who have experienced domestic violence they always say ( adn research tells us too ) that emotional and controlling abuse is the starting point, as another poster says, things escalate.

I hope you managed to have a discussion with him last night, and that you re OK today, do let us know how you are going on

Lynz
xxxx

margaretclare

Bestthingsinlifearefree wrote:

He is on a cushy number there, pop round when he wants have a meal, maybe a bit of extras and pay nothing / no real commitment.

....and the likelihood is he is doing the same to his parents - using them as a cheap and easy way of getting a bed for the night because that's more convenient for getting to work. Even though he only uses that bed for sleeping in, his mum will still have to wash the sheets regularly and hoover etc.

He really has no idea, has he? Either that or he has the whole situation very well sussed.

Margaret