Leaving abusive relationships (merged)

djdido2

had the chance to come online as he who does nowt is at the footie. bit of peace for a while. another poster recommended you black saturn. thanks for your reply. he is some of these things and he isn't. he does some of these things and he doesn't. i am working towards dumping him i just need the strength to do it

Jet

dj,

It took me years and years to be rid of my emotionally abusive ex partner. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I kept trying again and again, but gave up so many times.

he pushed my self esteem so low that I thought it was all my fault. He had an amazing knack of being positive about his abuse and making me feel like I was always being negative about him.

He would turn everything around and make me feel like I was being totally unreasonable for expecting basic things that everyone in this world is entitled to.

Whatever you decide, people will be here for you. You can PM me anytime and I'll support you whatever you do because you can never have too many friends!

djdido2

thank you so much. its nice to speak with people who have been through the same. i still dont think i can admit to myself that its abuse. sounds totally sad but this ones an angel compared to father of my kids. so i have let him of lightly. he is mega paranoid about other men and its overtaken the relationship. i work as a dj/entertainer and he makes sure he is there with me to watch whats going on. i have done this job for ten years and the money is brilliant compared to the crappy day jobs i have started and then give up in sheer desperation. i cant so much as look across the room and its a hundred questions about whichever fella (mostly total strangers). i find myself justifying myself and averting myself away from any conversation. bloody hell he's even affecting my job

black-saturn

You just havn't had your "lightbulb moment" yet but give it time. Ask yourself this: What do you want from life? Do you see yourself still feeling like this in 20 years? 40 years? You deserve better.

gingercordial

Have just read this thread all the way through and just wanted to send you a big hug!

I don't have any particular advice other than DUMP HIM GIRL!!! It can't be any worse than you think it's going to be! And please do confide in your friend and get her round when you do it.

We'll be thinking of you, please please let us know when you do it!

djdido2

light bulb moment??? what is this. the day i wake up and realise i need to get rid??? coz i have kind of!!!

dont wanna be like this another day nevermind in 20 yrs. he is due home around 9 so i could start a gentle "where is this relationship going". i'll see what happens but he will try every trick in the book. no matter what

black-saturn

Here was a recent thread on the same subject:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=239342&highlight=emotional+abuse

or this one:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=191130&highlight=emotional+abuse

or this one:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=94052&highlight=emotional+abuse

djdido2

thanks ginger. thought reading through this would bore most people to sleep. i wish i had discovered this earlier as there are some amazing people and i feel great that they are here to help. thank you

ps will tell when the big day is. coz it will happen very SOON

djdido2

he is not violent so i have been unable to make the abuse connection but lots of posters have said that emotional abuse is worse. i live directly opposite a shop tht i use 4 odd and bobs groceries etc. i get grief every time i go in as all the staff are male and quite friendly. he calls me a slag, flirt, scrubber etc. I NOW REALISE THIS IS ABUSE!! and sadly now i have to go again till tomoro as he is due back quite soon and has already rang asking what i'm up to, who has rang, called to the house etc. SAD! being here has woken me up a bit. and the encouragement and advice is doing me the world of good. i actually smiled some today. HOORAY 4 ME. lol

djdido2

when i return tomorow. do i start a new thread or just keep adding to this one. forgive me but this is my first time on a forum/chat etc. still trying to work out why kids are refered to a dd? not daft just a very impressed newbie.

thanks for all your replies xx

djdido