Leaving abusive relationships (merged)

djdido2

as i said in my previous post he does not stay with me. i think coz i have problems it feels like he is around 24/7. i could not possibly be commiting fraud as he is dipping into my money and has never spent a penny in the last 6 months. we would be commiting fraud if we had two wages but there is one wage only coming into my household.

djdido2

all your comments are completely valid. i think i know deep down but just to scared to admit it and confront him. as i said he is possessive.

his parents know of my existence but they havent met us yet.

i think i should be on an agony aunts page lol.

i intend to get rid just need get the courage to do it.

djdido2

he is great with my kids yes i'll give him that. and i think thats what stops me from dumping him. i know i can do better but i hate upsetting my kids. they are evertyhing to me. been silly not to realise the impact this has had financially as well as emotionally

tanith

djdido the statement 'he hasn't spent a penny in the last 6 months', should be telling you all you need to know....
He is a single guy borrowing off a single mother with kids , who is kidding whom here....

Gook luck

Bestthingsinlifearefree

I am glad he is good with the kids. That gives him a slight saving grace (I was begining to think he had no good points at all)

The fact you are scared to talk to him about the relationship because of his "possesiveness" rings major alarm bells with me.

How about having a gentle "how we can improve the relationship or how you need the relationship to change conversation"

.........and then gradually move it into a this is not working we both want different things conversation.

......and onto a Addios amigo conversation

Keep us informed how things pan out.

Good luck.

djdido2

i'm not scared in the violent sense as he wouldn't hurt me physically i'd be bothered about the emotional abuse and the effect it will have on my kids not seeing him anymore. as although hes a pig he can be quite a nice person when he wants to be. when i say possessive he thinks that every man in the world wants me and if lo and behold i have to speak to any male member of the species he wants a full script of the conversation. i think i am finding it hard to dump him as i am quite an emotional person by nature and hate to hurt peoples feelings, even when they are out of order!!! i need to get tough i know but its not easy for someone whose been a softie for 34 years.

thank you to all have replied. your words of wisdom are helping.

hedley

Hello!

Sorry you are having a poo time. It sounds as if this guy is quite immature....he is having all of the benefits of a live in relationship and none of the responsibilities!

Of course, he should be paying a fair share!!! When I visit friends just for the weekend I would always contribute by way of a meal out or funding a take away and the same when pals visit us...it's not just sexual relationships but friendships full stop!


Like another poster said- you and your kids are a package- if he doesn't want to introduce you to his family, what does that say about how he treats you?

He does not own you!!!! If he is earning he should not have to borrow from you- it is financially abusive...!

You say you don't want to hurt his feelings- where are your feelings in this ?? You deserve to be treated well- if not perhaps find one of these guys that he is so jealous of you chatting to!
Good Luck!
Hed

Bestthingsinlifearefree

If he REALLY thinks every man in the world is after you he better start treating you a lot better, if he wants to keep you.

I can understand if the kids are fond of him not wanting to rock the boat but it would be better for them if mum finds a man who treats them AND her good.

If you love him and he is good with you etc etc have a big heart to heart with him outline your feelings and explain why things need to change and maybe give him 3 months - 6 months for him to shape up.

If his attitude is I am not going to change, like it or lump it.

Then he is giving you no option but to give him the big boot.

djdido2

thanks for the replies. i have always been the type to put other peoples feelings before my own. i cant help it. my mother is exactly the same so i am going to have to learn to break that pattern of behaviour. sounds silly but i dont want to give him any more time. i've been on an emotional rollercoaster over this for months and months. it seems everyone can see him for what he is but it takes me 12 months longer than everyone else for it to sink in and me to realise it. why is this?????

i suppose him not contributing is just another excuse for me to dump him as i have not been happy for ages. he checks my phone, wants to know who has called at the house when he's at work or at home. and i must be a supermodel in another persons body coz he thinks ANYONE wants me including women and unbeleivably even a certain pensioner.

wigginsmum

djd - you really need to talk to black-saturn who posts on here; she's involved with a forum regarding abuse. What you are telling me makes me want to run screaming; he has put you in a situation which is extremely unhealthy and made you insecure enough to fear ending it. That in itself will have an effect on your kids.

It's bad enough when men are possessive about 'kept women' - how dare he do it when YOU'RE keeping HIM??!

Good luck, pet. I'm sensing you've had enough of him so I won't be surprised if you post on here fairly soon and say he's history.