Leaving abusive relationships (merged)

vik6525

Its weird, cause i havent really cried... I feel like ive taken 'control' of my life now. Ive been through some changes in the last couple of months (bought a house, lost a lot of weight) and i feel as if that was the final thing i needed to do in order to really sort my s**t out!

hobo28

Good luck Vik

Once the dust settles, make sure you sort out an arrangement for him to spend time with the kids.

Petal_3

Errrm....they don't have any children together...lol

djdido2

hi there. i have been lurking for a while and this is my first ever thread. read tons of info through on here and find it very interesting. wondered if anyone could help and/or offer advice??

my problem may be a bit long winded so please bear with me.

i am a working single mum of two children in receipt of WTC/CTC. my partner also works full time. he is not officially living with me but does spend alot of his time at my house. the money i have coming in pays all my bills, we eat good food and there is usually enough money left over to treat the kids, buy cheap clothing etc. the money my partner has coming in is his.

i was having a conversation with a friend regarding "cash" and she was horrified to learn that my partner does not pay for anything at all. i explained that he does not live with me but admittedly he is around 24/7 apart from when he is at work or football practise.

i am paying sky high rent on a private rental and full council tax, kids school meals etc. he eats the food i buy and this month i have done him a borrow of around £70.

he earns about £1100 per month and i know his outgoings for loans etc is about £500. the rest of his money goes on petrol for his flash car and where the rest goes is a mystery to me. he does not drink/smoke/socialise and buys clothes on the odd occasion. when we met he was still living with his parents and paid them £100 per month keep. he hasn't even offered this to cover his food, washing etc. he keeps saying that when he pays his loans off he will then be able to help. i didnt realise but my friend says i am being taken for a ride.

is there anyone else in a similar situation/experience or anyone who can offer advice.??? what would you say is a fair contribution. hope i havent sent any one to sleep but i need help as i feel like this is going to make or break my relationship.

thanks

Heth_2

Are they his children?

liney

My immediate concern to be honest is that if he really is at your house all the time, some one may report you as living as a couple and you may be accused of benefit fraud. ( I know you probably haven't even though of that, i'm not accusing you!) There was a telly program on that sort of thing a while ago with women in the same situation. they deemed that the partner should be contributing as they spent more than 3 (i think) nights regularly at the house and ate familiy meals etc.

I would agree he is taking the micky. Words would be had.

Bossyboots

If he is around 24/7 except for work and footie, then he is living with you and as such his income should be declared in your tax credits claim. If he is not "living with you", why are you paying the full council tax instead of the single adult occupant's reduced amount.

That aside, yes you are being taken for a ride. What an easy life you have given him. Somewhere to live with all "services" on tap at no cost to himself. What a selfish person he is to be treating you like this. Its up to you to decide what you do about it but at the moment you are keeping him and that is diverting money away from you and your children. You need to get him to contribute or get him to go and "live" at whatever address he is supposed to be calling home.

djdido2

no they are not his kids but i would not expect him to pay for anything of theirs. he isnt living with me as he does go home to his parents at least four nights a week so that he can get to work easier in the morning. but he stays till late then goes home to bed. i would not dream of commiting benefit fraud as i work my butt off myself and my kids

djdido2

i am paying the single person council tax but its still alot to fork out of one wage. my rent is sky high and i have been on the council waiting list for over three years

magicmaria

You need to be honest and straight with this guy tell him you can not subsuides him anymore and would like a contribution to the food at least..... if he says no then dump him cause it proves hes just sponging off you