Leaving abusive relationships (merged)

wigginsmum

Yup he's using you. Are you getting anything at all out of the relationship emotionally? If you stay with him, insist that he pays at least some of the food bill.

djdido2

to be honest there are problems with the relationship as he can be quite possessive but thats a side issue i am trying to work through.

i have tried tackling the "you need to contribute" subject but he just makes excuses. sounds lame but i am not very good at asking for money. he did the borrow of £70 and paid for rental of several dvd's for us and the kids and then said he was going to give me £60 back as he had to pay £10 for the dvd's. he needed the £70 as he had run out of money before he gets paid at the end of this month.

Bestthingsinlifearefree

He is on a cushy number there, pop round when he wants have a meal, maybe a bit of extras and pay nothing / no real commitment.

Are you providing favours / benefits to him that only a lady can grant ? (if you know what I mean cough, cough, wink, wink)

withdraw those privilleges from him for a month and see how often he pops round then

Counting_Pennies_2

I think it all comes down to what you are prepared to take from him. If his company and relationship is worth the sponging then that is your choice.

If not then you need to decide if you want him around any longer, it doesn't sound as if you are treated by him terribly well on all counts.

If you want him to stay around, perhaps you could suggest he cooks for you one night a week, and perhaps brings a supply of fruit each week or something else plus brings a couple of dvds round each week for you to snuggle up and watch.

It is difficult as they are not his kids so if you ask for any contribution to the food bills, etc then he could say he is supporting the kids. So think about suggesting he brings something for the two of you.

Only you know if he is worth bothering about still. Good luck

Bestthingsinlifearefree

Sorry to be blunt but as a 33 YO happily married man myself.

It looks to me like to an old fashioned case of "Why buy the cow if the milk is free."

I wish you well.

djdido2

well it will come as no surprise but the answer is yes. brilliant reply but now i feel gutted that its clear i am being used for sex and of course free lodging, food etc. i think he has convinced me that i am wrong so i've dug a hole for myself. and now even more gutted that he wont introduce me to his parents after being together for 18 months coz he thinks they wont approve of his gf having 2 kids.

doomed i think!!

i am going to withdraw privileges. i am fairly certain that will work

djdido2

i am a fair honest person so i wouldnt expect a contribution to cover my kids but its becoming clear that at least his bit of food should be paid for by him. its not really just food tho is it? free laundry, internet, phone, take aways and treats etc. its making me feel like crying buckets as i see the good in everyone and dt usually notice when i am having the mickey taken out of me. thanks for all your replies. dont feel so alone now

Bestthingsinlifearefree

If he won't introduce you to his parents because you have 2 kids.

GET RID OF HIM NOW !!!

If he is your partner he should be proud of you and your kids (you are all part of the same package).

I hope when he comes round he spends time with the kids, makes an effort, interacts with them, plays games etc etc.

This guy sounds fairly immature and is giving you zero commitment but taking maximum benefit, you could do a lot, lot better.

What is most laughable he is giving no commitment, comes and goes as he pleases, contributes nothing financially yet he has the nerve to be POSSESSIVE !!!

He needs to change his ways BIG time in how he treats you / the relationship or its time to give him the big elbow and explain to him why.

I hope I have not judged him wrong but am just going on the info you have provided.

rchddap1

I just want to emphasise the benefits comment earlier on in this thread. if he is there 24/7 he is essentially living with you. Benefits will then class you as a couple and so any benefits you receive should take into account his income. This includes any tax credits, council tax benefit etc.... If the amount you are receiving does not take into account his income then you are commiting benefit fraud and could get into no end of trouble as a result.

You need to sort this out asap.

wigginsmum

djd - at the risk of commenting on something that is strictly none of my business, dump him, hun. You and the kids deserve far better. I had a boyfriend like this once - I put up with it for 6 months, and that was far too long.