Leaving abusive relationships (merged)

jockettuk

just read through this and it sounds like the best thing that he has gone.. give you some space to be yourself again.. and mabey he will sort out his head for his next relationship

Petal_3

Hi Vik

I was in a similar situation to you a few years back (we'd been together 6 years). He wasn't horrible or anything - I just realised that we was completely incapable of giving me the things I needed (although everything was fantastic at first). Somethings that stands out - I came home from a funeral of a good friend of mine who died in his 20's and was sobbing....I just wanted him to put his arms round me. He just sat and looked at me like I was some kind of alien! At that point I just thought..."you really haven't got a clue have you?" I left our home - we sold up and I bought my own flat. He did end up moving in with me some time later (we couldn't seem to give each other up....I thought I was missing him when the actual problem was that I wasn't used to being alone so was missing company). Point blank I said one day "is there anything positive you can say about our relationship? He said "dunno". I told him he was moving out the next day - he laughed - I moved all his stuff out next day (took it to his best friend) - changed the locks and never looked back. Yes, I was really sad it didn't work out but it was the right thing to do.

Here I am 6 years later with a man who knows exactly what I need on all levels (I think he knows me better than I do!), we have a 4 yr old son together and life in our garden is rosy

Chin up hun! It sounds to me like you done EXACTLY the right thing. It might be scary/hard to be on your own for a while but he was contributing nothing to your life apart from sadness/unhappiness. Don't let anyone make you unhappy hun.....life's too short.

Sorry for the ramble....I just identified and it all came flooding back :eek:

I really wish you and your little one all the very best.....GOOD TIMES AHEAD HUN! Cheers :beer:

~x~

vik6525

the most telling thing of all in my opinion, is that my little one (who's 6) hasnt even noticed that hes not here anymore... shows how 'boring' it was at the end...

wigginsmum

Hope it all works out for you, vik.

rchddap1

I'm glad you've made a decision...and its certainly good news that your little monster hasn't noticed anything. You certainly sound stronger and brighter which is fantastic.

No-one here gave you the 'guts to end it'. You did that yourself. What people here are great at is getting past that wall of fear and encouraging people to find that bit of courage buried deep down. You had all the strength you needed from the start.

Chances are people here just gave you a hand in finding it.

Good luck for the future.

sparklymessygirl

Hi Vik,

The others have put things so eloquently - it is definitely you who showed the courage - all you needed was to think aloud.

I am so excited for you and your son - you get to create your life all over again!

Sparkly x

black-saturn

Heres some links for you:

http://www.gingerbread.org.uk

http://www.lone-parents.co.uk/modules.php?name=Forums&file=index

vik6525

I mean it, you guys really did give me the guts to end it... thank you all so much for your honest, unbiased opinions... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Petal_3

and....(forgot to mention)...I did LOADS AND LOADS of crying, getting a li'l sozzled on occasion and all that and felt quite unsettled (wondering if I'd done the right thing etc) for a long time. It wasn't easy....BUT SOOOO WORTH IT!

~x~

Rachie_B

((((hugs))) vik
it sounds like you have def done the right thing

why stay in a relationship if it / he isnt making you happy

better to be single and happy than in a relationship but miserable as sin !!!

like you say what was he bringing to the relationship ?!!

no sex,no affection,no respect ,no empathy

it must have been so hard living like that ?!!!

chin up chick

take care

x